The Magic Question Every Mom Needs to Ask Herself at Naptime [+ Why It Changes Everything]

I rocked in place while my little girl nursed. Her eyes started to close, her lashes brushing her chubby cheeks. Finally she relaxed against me and I laid her in her crib, held my breath.

Getting my daughter to nap was always a precarious operation. Getting her to sleep period was precarious. And often unsuccessful. But it appeared I might actually get some alone time that afternoon. My three year old son was already napping in the other room. I was hopeful. I needed that time so badly after a crazy morning and a sleepless night.

She was asleep. Somehow the stars had aligned. The house was quiet as I tip toed out, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me.

Ahhhhh… But then I was faced with the question that I almost dreaded more than the afternoons when neither of my babies slept:

“What do I do now?”

It was paralyzing. Wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time. Do I sit and stare at the wall? Fold laundry? Update the budget, pay bills, finish dishes? Do I work out? Take a nap? Watch TV, scroll Insta or both?

Can any mamas out there relate? Have you asked yourself that question, too? Felt just as paralyzed?

What I’ve learned and what I wish I would have known then is that I was asking the wrong question. It’s overwhelming to ask “What do I do now?” And, for me at least, my hyper sense of responsibility would kick in and that question would become, “What do I have to do now?”

Naptime does sometimes have to be spent getting things done. And that in and of itself is self-care. Taking care of business so it’s not nagging or weighing on us.

But I often made non-urgent tasks urgent and lost the chance to fill my cup during those quiet moments.

When my third baby was born, I started asking myself a different question. I like to call it the “magic” question:

“What do I NEED right now?”

This question changes everything. It removes the overwhelm and the hyper sense of responsibility and it gives you the chance to put self-care into action.

What do you need? Right now, in this moment? You may need to:

  • sleep. And if you do, by all means, sleep, mama
  • sit on the back porch with your face to the sun
  • do some gentle yoga, or even a 15 minute HIIT workout
  • paint your nails
  • fix yourself a salad
  • read a book you’ve been wanting to read
  • do a face mask
  • walk around the backyard
  • eat that square of dark chocolate that’s been calling your name
  • do a brain dump
  • soak in the tub
  • spend a few minutes doing your hair and makeup

Only you know what you need. So, when you can, as often as you can, at naptime:

Set aside all you HAVE to do and do what you NEED instead.

I just tip toed out of my daughter’s room, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me. She’s three years old now and getting her to sleep at nap time is still precarious. Before I became a parent I always swore I’d never lay down with one of my children to get them to sleep…but I lay down with my daughter at nap time sometimes, just in the hopes that I will get some precious time alone.

And then I ask myself the magic question: what do I need right now?

Oh, what a difference from the question I used to ask myself after tip toeing out of her room.

Today I need to write. Putting the written world out there for the world to read is part of my self-care. I also need to hydrate and soak up some vitamin D, so I’m going to sign off in just a minute to do both those things.

How about you, mama? If you get those precious moments of quiet today, will you promise me to ask yourself what you need?

I don’t call it the magic question for nothing. It’s changed everything for me and I know it will for you, too.

Let’s care for ourselves,

Hannah

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P.P.S. Read my response to the popular advice “sleep while the baby sleeps” right here.

6 Simple, Grace-Filled Ways to Thrive in the Newborn Season [Plus the Important Thing It Took Me Forever to Learn]

I wish there was a magic answer for this one, but there’s not. My first two newborn seasons were rough for so many reasons. Some reasons were beyond my control, but some weren’t and I just didn’t realize it.

This third newborn season was a dream, both for reasons I didn’t orchestrate (hello, baby who miraculously slept) and also because I had learned what was within my control + took action.

Here are my top tips for surviving the newborn season:


1.] Ask yourself what you need, not what you need to do.

Okay, let’s address the “sleep while the baby sleeps” bit of advice right out of the gate. While I agree that this is ideal, it’s not always possible or practical. And I know from experience that often what I need more than sleep (hard to believe but true) is just some quiet, some space and something to fill my cup.

So, when the baby does sleep ask yourself this magic question: “What do I need right now?” It may be sleep, and, if it is, by all means, sleep, mama. But it may be a walk around the backyard in the sunshine. It may be a tall glass of water and a nutrient dense snack. It may be some gentle stretching or ten minutes reading a book or a nice soak in the tub or twenty minutes doing your hair and makeup. Only you know what you need. Set aside all you need to do and do what YOU need instead.


2.] Give yourself lots and lots [and lots] of margin.

Cut out anything that isn’t absolutely essential. This means everything but feeding, clothing, caring for you and your baby(ies) basic needs. At least for the first twelve weeks. Give yourself that 4th trimester to fully adjust. This means 6 out of 7 days a week you have nothing planned, no where to be at any specific time. Don’t underestimate the importance of this point.

This is not the season for play dates or running multiple errands in a row. It’s not the season for starting a side hustle or taking on more work. Over-scheduling, over-doing, over-reaching will leave you over-whelmed and exhausted, frazzled and under-nourished in all the ways. Margin is key!

3.] Get out alone.

I know this is difficult with a newborn, but it’s so important. Even if it’s only for an hour, make it consistent (i.e. weekly). Schedule it in, treat it like any other appointment. Whether you leave the babies with your spouse for a couple hours on a Saturday or hire someone for a couple hours on a week day morning [or both], make this a non-negotiable.

I made this negotiable for far too long and everyone suffered because of it. The wheels will not come off if you leave for an hour or two. Also? Use this time for you, for #soulmindbodyselfcare, not for running errands or “getting ahead.” You will be refreshed, refocused and ready to jump back in the trenches.

4.] Ask for help. And lots of it.

Seriously. I know everyone talks about this, but the reality is very few people actually do it. But you have to, for your sanity. It took me two kids to figure this out.

READ THIS: asking for help does not mean you aren’t capable or strong or enough. Asking for help simply means you are caring for yourself well. You are human and can’t be all things to all people at all times.

So, delegate, out-source, and ask your spouse to pitch in as much as possible. With grocery shopping, meals, house cleaning, laundry, etc. I loved having 2-3 dinners a week delivered ready-to-eat from Freshly. The rest of our meals were made by others, super simple or take out. Let’s be real. I had our groceries delivered from Instacart (worth any markup). I automated as much as I could: bill pay, subscription services for diapers and coffee and all the things, etc.

As the months pass, you will find your feet more and more, but don’t underestimate the power of asking for help in this newborn season.

5.] Get outside as much as possible.

Fresh air and sunlight are so good for the soul. And usually go a long way in soothing fussy babies and helping busy toddlers get their energy out. Go for a slow walk. Sit on the back porch. Soak up the morning sun with your warm drink of choice. Lay out a picnic blanket and rest with baby. Even if it’s just for short bursts during the day, get outside.

Feel your feet on the ground and the sun on your face. If you live in a colder climate, I feel you. Bundle up, tuck the baby in a carrier, walk around the block. Or just step outside for a few minutes and practice some deep breathing. Any time spent outside is well spent.

Now, are you ready for the super important thing it took me forever to learn?


6.] Limit alcohol, processed sugar/foods and caffeine and you will feel better + have more energy (even if you’re not sleeping well).

Trust me on this one. I fought it for so long. I tried to ease my stress and tiredness with a daily glass of wine, lots of sweets, and SO MUCH caffeine. But it only contributed to my fatigue and brain fog.

I know this tip isn’t sexy, but it’s true. Focus on a high protein/high fiber/high [good] fats breakfast (and meals in general). Eat lots of veggies. Drink lots of water and other liquids that are healing and support your immune system (golden milk lattes, bulletproof teas, bone broth, etc). You will feel better and sleep better (when those blissful moments do come).

I hope these tips are helpful. They are some of the things I wish I’d learned earlier. The newborn season is so short. It’s my hope that by encouraging you to care for yourself well during that season, you will be able to really enjoy it and soak it up before it’s gone.

Above all, know this, mama:

You are doing a hard + beautiful thing and you are doing great.

For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram.

If you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same.

Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.

Now you can download The Soul Mind Body Selfcare Guide: 30 Ways to Start Caring For Yourself When You Don’t Know Where to Start for FREE.

Let’s care for ourselves,

Hannah

The Perfect Recipe for a Relaxing Detox Bath [Plus the One Thing I Do To Maximize Its Benefits]

I love a good detox bath. I take one at least twice a week.

Here’s my favorite recipe:

  • 1 Cuzn Bath Ball (removes chlorine and other impurities)
  • 2 cups Epsom Salts (gives a magnesium boost and help with muscle tension)
  • 1/2 cup baking soda (aids in the detox process and can be very soothing if you have any skin conditions)
  • 2 Tbsp bentonite clay (aids in the detox process. NOTE: put some cheesecloth over your drain if you’re worried about clogging the pipes.)
  • 1 Tbsp coconut oil (moisturizes the skin, provides anti-macrobial and anti-fungal properties)
  • Essential oils of your choice (I love lavender or grapefruit)

Mix all the ingredients into warm-as-you-can-stand-it bath water and soak for at least 20 minutes. Some sources say you don’t want to soak much longer or your skin will start to reabsorb anything you’ve detoxed.

I love to grab a large glass of filtered water with a pinch of pink Himalayan salt to re-hydrate while I soak. I usually drink one more glass after I get out as well.

I try my best (doesn’t always happen) to put my phone away and grab a book or magazine or maybe a journal instead so I can fully unwind.

Bonus: to maximize the benefits of my detox bath, I like to dry brush before hopping in the tub. Dry brushing gets the lymphatic system moving and can aid in the detox process. It also helps exfoliate and rejuvenate the skin.

For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram.

If you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same.

Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.

Now you can download The Soul Mind Body Selfcare Guide: 30 Ways to Start Caring For Yourself When You Don’t Know Where to Start for FREE.

Let’s care for ourselves,

Hannah

My Delicious Chocolate Cherry Green Smoothie Recipe [Plus My Favorite Add Ins + Why]

I make this smoothie nearly every morning. It’s such a great way to start the day. It packs a serious nutritional punch and – bonus – my kiddos love it, too. Self-care all around!

  • 1 cup milk of choice (I use almond)
  • 1 big handful of baby spinach
  • 1 banana
  • 1/2 cup riced cauliflower
  • 1/2 cup frozen cherries
  • 1/4 cup raw cocoa powder
  • 2 tablespoons whole flaxseeds
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup ( sub with a date or two)
  • 1 cup ice, crushed

Cover all ingredients with filtered water and blend until smooth in a high speed blender. I use this one.

This amount makes enough for two small smoothies for the kiddos and two large ones (16oz) for me. I usually drink one at breakfast and another at lunch or as an afternoon pick-me-up.

Now for those add-ins…

Before I blend:

  • 2 scoops collagen (supports gut health and skin/hair/nails)
  • 1/2 teaspoon camu camu powder (high in vitamin C, but bitter tasting so I go easy)

After I blend:

  • A dropper of probiotics for the kiddos (supports gut health + immunity)
  • Vitamin D3/K2 drops, 4 for me and 1 for the kiddos (D3 boosts immunity + helps the body absorb calcium; K2 supports oral health)
  • Iodine drops, 3 for me and 1 for the kiddos (aids in so many processes in the body, supports the thyroid)
  • A couple times a week, a dropper full of zinc for everyone (huge for immune support, I use this mainly in the winter months)
  • One scoop of this Maca Plus blend for me (awesome for hormone balance + PMS symptoms)

It’s such a great way to start the morning and a delicious way to get so many wonderful nutrients. I really believe this is one of the big components to staying well, especially in the cooler months.

Did you try it? Let me know what you think in the comments! I’ve linked all my faves, but you can also find them over on my favorites list.