The Magic Question Every Mom Needs to Ask Herself at Naptime [+ Why It Changes Everything]

I rocked in place while my little girl nursed. Her eyes started to close, her lashes brushing her chubby cheeks. Finally she relaxed against me and I laid her in her crib, held my breath.

Getting my daughter to nap was always a precarious operation. Getting her to sleep period was precarious. And often unsuccessful. But it appeared I might actually get some alone time that afternoon. My three year old son was already napping in the other room. I was hopeful. I needed that time so badly after a crazy morning and a sleepless night.

She was asleep. Somehow the stars had aligned. The house was quiet as I tip toed out, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me.

Ahhhhh… But then I was faced with the question that I almost dreaded more than the afternoons when neither of my babies slept:

“What do I do now?”

It was paralyzing. Wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time. Do I sit and stare at the wall? Fold laundry? Update the budget, pay bills, finish dishes? Do I work out? Take a nap? Watch TV, scroll Insta or both?

Can any mamas out there relate? Have you asked yourself that question, too? Felt just as paralyzed?

What I’ve learned and what I wish I would have known then is that I was asking the wrong question. It’s overwhelming to ask “What do I do now?” And, for me at least, my hyper sense of responsibility would kick in and that question would become, “What do I have to do now?”

Naptime does sometimes have to be spent getting things done. And that in and of itself is self-care. Taking care of business so it’s not nagging or weighing on us.

But I often made non-urgent tasks urgent and lost the chance to fill my cup during those quiet moments.

When my third baby was born, I started asking myself a different question. I like to call it the “magic” question:

“What do I NEED right now?”

This question changes everything. It removes the overwhelm and the hyper sense of responsibility and it gives you the chance to put self-care into action.

What do you need? Right now, in this moment? You may need to:

sleep. And if you do, by all means, sleep, mama
sit on the back porch with your face to the sun
do some gentle yoga, or even a 15 minute HIIT workout
paint your nails
fix yourself a salad
read a book you’ve been wanting to read
do a face mask
walk around the backyard
eat that square of dark chocolate that’s been calling your name
do a brain dump
soak in the tub
spend a few minutes doing your hair and makeup

Only you know what you need. So, when you can, as often as you can, at naptime:

Set aside all you HAVE to do and do what you NEED instead.

I just tip toed out of my daughter’s room, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me. She’s three years old now and getting her to sleep at nap time is still precarious. Before I became a parent I always swore I’d never lay down with one of my children to get them to sleep…but I lay down with my daughter at nap time sometimes, just in the hopes that I will get some precious time alone.

And then I ask myself the magic question: what do I need right now?

Oh, what a difference from the question I used to ask myself after tip toeing out of her room.

Today I need to write. Putting the written world out there for the world to read is part of my self-care. I also need to hydrate and soak up some vitamin D, so I’m going to sign off in just a minute to do both those things.

How about you, mama? If you get those precious moments of quiet today, will you promise me to ask yourself what you need?