To me this simply meant that I wanted a predictable flow to my days (some stability), but that I didn’t want to be disappointed if things didn’t go exactly how I planned (which was often). I’m an all or nothing girl by nature, and when I set my mind on something, it’s sometimes hard for me to pivot.
Having a rhythms not routines mentality is my way of keeping my expectations in check. And with four kiddos, that’s a necessity.
Rhythms are an amazing tool if you are craving more stability (and, hence, calmness) in your motherhood. If you want a predictable flow without the disappointment of your daily plans being constantly upended.
Here are six daily rhythms that I’ve established in my own life:
One load, one space
Every day I set an intention to do one load of laundry to completion and tidy one space. The space can be anything from a single drawer to an entire room. But I choose one space and focus in. I also enlist my children to help with the laundry. They will switch it over if I need them to or pull it out and sort it. I don’t fold their clothes. They grab their pile and put it in their drawers and I don’t worry about it beyond that. Every once in a while I go through their drawers, but that’s another blog post.
Nowadays I’ve added a little more structure to this rhythm by assigning some spaces to certain days. I didn’t attempt this until my youngest was a little older and sleeping through the night. Example: Mondays I clean my bathroom and Wednesday I wash our sheets and clean our bedroom.
Quiet time
Nearly every day we observe what I call “quiet time.” For my littlest, this still means nap time. Well, it can mean nap time for anyone who needs one, ha. Some days I will sneak in a nap. But, in general, it means we all find something quiet to do in separate places so we get a little break in the middle of the day.
I have found that this rhythm saves my sanity. I am an introvert so having a little break in the middle of the day helps me catch my breath and finish the day well. This is a non-negotiable for us most days.
Mama Morning Time
This rhythm has ebbed and flowed over the years. It’s highly dependent on what season of life we are in. Right now, my youngest is three years old so I have more time freedom than I did when he was tiny. He sleeps through the night now (and so do I!), so I’m able to have a more consistent bedtime and awake time.
Right now I wake up around 6:30am, I do my skincare routine, I sip some bone broth, I have my quiet time, I do a little work/writing, get dressed for my morning walk and then greet my kiddos and start our day. This all takes me about an hour and a half. Which feels like a straight up luxury compared to baby days.
You can take a few elements from this rhythm and apply them wherever you find yourself today, mama. When I had a tiny one, I would do a couple minutes of gua sha or set up a warm drink station in my room so I could sip while the baby nursed (er, sipped, too, ha). You could read a page of a good book or do some stretches while your toddler plays in the bath (done that hundreds of times).
The point is to have some sort of rhythm where you start the day by caring for yourself. It sets the tone.
Cleaning Blitz
This rhythm is a whole family affair around here. We usually do this on the weekends. Everybody has a cleaning task and we get to work for about an hour. My oldest vacuums, my second mops, my third wipes the base boards and my youngest helps pick up toys or anything on the ground. I do the dishes and clean up the kitchen and any other spaces that need it and my husband takes the upstairs. We all work together and, once a week, the house is clean and tidy all at one time.
We tidy throughout the week, of course, but this rhythm gives us that once-all-over satisfaction. It also gives the kiddos a chance to pitch in and work together as a team. It’s amazing what we can get done in a relatively short period of time when we all help.
Screen Free Weekdays
Depending heavily on the season of life we’re in, we try to keep weekdays screen free. I’ve found that screens really disrupt the flow of our creativity and imagination and overall ability to really “settle into” projects.
Keeping screens to weekends also makes the weekends feel more special. The kiddos like to wake up before us, grab a snack and go upstairs to watch cartoons. We enjoy the slower (quieter) start to the morning and they enjoy a special treat of screens.
Of course, this highly depends on the season of life we’re in. If there is sickness or we’re in the newborn season or my husband has to work late hours, then things shift as they need to. But, overall, we’ve found this rhythm to be very freeing and life giving.
Bedtime Reading
Nearly every evening we read aloud to the kiddos before bed. We all gather in the living room, the kids play and we read through whatever book we’re working on.
The last couple of months my husband has taken over reading out loud which has been a nice break for me since I homeschool during the day. We’ve read Beatrice Potter, Pilgrims Progress, the Chronicles of Narnia and now we’re working through the The Hobbit.
This is a fun rhythm that helps everyone wind down. It signals bedtime is coming and it also gives us a chance to hear some amazing, classic stories. I like to turn the lights lower and give the kids opportunity to snuggle up if they like. Bonus points: I rub this magnesium lotion into their legs while my husband reads. Makes putting them to bed even easier. And what parent can’t use some more ease at bedtime?
What are your daily essentials for a calm home? Do you utilize rhythms? I’d love to hear in the comments!
If you’d like more in the rhythms department, you can grab my free rhythms guide here.
But it can feel like so much when you just want to feel good but don’t.
True health is about feeling good in our souls, our minds and our bodies.
True health is when our soul, mind and body are thriving.
Alive. Pulsing with energy. Alert. Awake to the beauty of everyday life. Present with the ones we love.
I want to home-in a little further today and talk specifically about when you’ve hit a wall in your physical health journey. That has a massive impact on our souls and minds. They’re not separate from each other. They make up the whole of who we are. Intertwined. Interdependent.
We’ll tackle the other two aspects another day because they deserve their own spotlight.
Today it’s all about hitting a wall in the physical realm. And I have hit some walls with my health throughout my life.
A few of my walls:
reoccuring sinus infections
borderline Hashimoto’s
leaky gut
adrenal disfunction
a severe UTI
postpartum recovery times four
I’m sure you’ve hit some walls, too, mama. Pause for a moment and take note of them.
Then I want to share what I’ve learned to do when I feel stuck in my health journey. The key to moving forward when you’ve hit a wall.
Ready? Okay.
Go back to the basics.
It seems simplistic, but, then, that’s the point.
To simplify. To remove the unnecessary. To return to the foundation of true health.
What are the basics?
quality sleep for detox and repair
sunshine for circadian rhythm and immune function
clean water and other healing drinks for hydration and nourishment
whole foods for healing, energy and nourishment
Pretty much everything else is an extra. And it’s not that there aren’t a lot of other things that are helpful, but they just aren’t necessary.
Sometimes “extra” can be a liability when you are feeling stuck in your health journey.
When you hit a wall, the first and best thing to do is go back to the basics.
Do a reset. Take out everything but the basics for a week, two weeks, a month if you can. A month is powerful. See how you feel.
Three times now I’ve gone back to the basics on my own health journey.
The first time was about a year or so after my second baby was born in 2015. I had some nagging health issues that I wanted to clear up. I stumbled across the Whole 30 program and decided to give it a go.
I thought I was eating clean before, but, man, that month was a huge learning curve. I learned how to make my own mayo and dressings and how to cook a sweet potato to perfection. I got a high-speed blender and a food processor, and I went through caffeine withdrawals while I watched my fam eat pizza. It wasn’t easy, but I did it and I felt really good afterwards.
It was going back to basics that showed me the long-time acne/weird bumps on my face were caused by conventional dairy. I never knew and I had tried to figure it out, even went to a very expensive dermatologist who told me “Oh, just put this cream on it for a few weeks.” Cutting out conventional dairy cleared up my skin and I’ve never gone back.
The second time I went back basics was in 2019. I had been diagnosed with borderline Hashimoto’s and leaky gut after having my third baby. I didn’t want to be on medication, so I did a 60-day elimination diet and some targeted protocols and I felt amazing. I put my Hashimoto’s into remission and healed up my gut. The whole process wasn’t as overwhelming that time because I had learned so much since the first time.
The third time I went back to basics was about a month and a half ago.
I did what I’ll call a modified Whole 30. Meaning I kept organic whole fat dairy and eliminated coffee and nuts and corn completely. Basically I’ve just been eating whole foods and drinking nourishing drinks.
I’m not doing much else. I didn’t take any supplements for the first 30 days. Which was…well, life changing. Sounds crazy to say, but all the stuff I was taking wasn’t getting the job done. I needed to go back to basics.
I get sunshine every day.
I get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
I am nourishing my body with whole foods and healing drinks. And I feel great.
I am sleeping like a baby (no 10 step process plus melatonin, ugh, just to get some decent sleep).
I have a lot of energy – I’ve been waking up naturally between 6-6:30 which has NEVER happened in my life. Before I would sleep 10 hours at night and take a nap and still feel exhausted; that was one of my first big, red flags that I had hit a wall.
My skin is clear, my wrinkles less noticeable, and my mood is way more even.
I’m excited for the next several months of healing and getting completely past this wall.
So that’s it, my key to moving forward with my health when I’ve hit a wall.
Go back to the basics.
It’s not fancy or trendy or super cool, but it works. And it works really well.
While getting back to basics is key to overcoming a wall in your health journey, there is a time and a place for high quality supplements. Enter: Cymbiotika. I love this company for a few reasons: first they only use high quality ingredients in their supplements, no yucky fillers.
They have several liposomal supplements that I find work so much better than swallowing capsules. They come in these travel-friendly, diaper bag- friendly single serve pouches. Third, they have a great rewards program which makes these supplements way more affordable than they would be otherwise.
Check them out. Cymbiotika and get $20 off your first order. My favorites are the vitamin C, Golden Mind, Magnesium and Creatine. Oh! They have activated charcoal, too, which I always like to have on hand.
Are you still not sure, mama?
Wondering what “get back to the basics” looks like for you?
Scared to ask what a Whole 30 is? Or how you’d function without coffee? Or if it would even help to cut it out?
I’ve been there and I can help. I did that first Whole 30 over 8 years ago and I have learned so much since then. Years of research and practice and experience. I would love to save you time and money because I know they are so valuable and limited.
Book a session with me and I can help guide you in the right direction.
That’s all it takes to get something done, and I’m going to show you how.
Let me set the scene. You roll out of bed. You brush your teeth, do your skincare routine, get dressed for the day. Maybe you can already hear the kiddos stirring (is “stirring” too mild of a word?). Maybe they’re actually sleeping in a little (glory!). Maybe you have some quiet time, time to start a warm drink.
Then you grab your pen and paper and write out what you need to accomplish that day. Maybe you choose one thing, maybe two or three. Then next to each task you write how much time you’re able to give to it. You realize you put 5 minutes next to one task, so you set your timer and you get to work. For 5 minutes all you do is focus on that one thing. Guess what? You finished it in 3 minutes and now you can check it off. DONE.
“Mama, I need a drink.”
“Mama, I’m hungry.”
“Mama, I need you.”
The chorus begins and you’re off to the races. BUT you accomplished one thing on your list, you built momentum before the day really even started and you know you’ll be able to tackle anything else that comes your way.
Is that you, mama? Did I describe your mornings? Or maybe I didn’t. Maybe you feel overwhelmed at all the things you need to do, paralyzed by all the things you want to do. Maybe you are ready to dive in, but you just don’t see how it’s possible when you feel pulled in a dozen different directions. You have no time and less energy.
Side Note: There is a season for everything. There is a season of more capacity and a season of less capacity. I’ve been deep in the baby season (which seems to last for the first two years of my babies’ lives) four times now. All I can focus on is feeding myself and feeding my babies and loving us all. And that is enough.
But then, somehow, you come into a season with more capacity, and you can expand your goals. I’ve been there, too. It’s all an ebb and flow, mama. Honor where you’re at today. End Side Note.
Whether you are in a season of small capacity or large capacity, my #1 productivity hack is for you, mama.
There are three simple steps to follow.
First, decide on your top 1-3 to do items. One to three things that are really going to move the needle in your life, right now, today. Even if you are in a large capacity season, I would try to cap the list at 3 items to begin and expand from there.
Second, decide how much time you have to give to each item on your list. Maybe you have 15, 10 or 5. Maybe you only have one minute. I wasn’t joking at the beginning. Don’t underestimate the power of one focused minute.
Third, grab a timer and get to work. I like to find a quiet place to work if my item is something that requires that for my best work. Maybe before I greet my kids in the morning, or at nap time or stealing away to my bedroom if I’m able.
If your item doesn’t require quiet, then you can set the timer for the time you decided on and get to work. The big idea is to focus. To work on that one item until the timer goes off or until the item is finished and nothing else. From one mama to another: if you get interrupted, pause the timer and pick back up when you are free again.
What to do if you didn’t accomplish the task? You have a couple options:
You can keep going if you feel like it and have the capacity (many times I do! But many times I also find I didn’t need all the time I gave myself)
You can keep the item on your to do list and work on it again when you have the capacity.
Why is this my #1 productivity hack? What’s so magical about it?
It’s all about the focus. There is so much power in focusing on one task until it’s done. The timer gives boundaries so that you know you’re not signing up to work for the next 6 hours. It also creates a little urgency or challenge that subconsciously tells your brain to “get it done.”
I hope you give this productivity hack a try, mama. I’ve used so many tactics, but this one gives me the best results by far.
Everyone has a few minutes. And once you get going, I think you’ll find that it’s easier to keep going than it is to stop.
Cymbiotika is one of my favorite clean supplement companies. No junk, no fillers. They offer many of their supplements in liposomal form which I find work better in most cases than swallowing capsules. I’ve used and loved their Vitamin C, Glutathione, Golden Mind and Magnesium. My husband loves their creatine after working out. They also have a really great subscription program, one of the best I’ve seen. The discounts add up fast making these supplements much more accessible. Get $20 off your first order.
Maybe I say that every season, ha. But it’s true. Spring comes just in time every year. Just when you think everything is going to be brown and gloomy forever.
Everything starts blooming and budding, the trees wear their halo of new, bright green, the birds are singing and the days are slowly getting longer and the air just feels fresh.
Springtime is full of hope and new beginnings. It feels like waking up out of a long sleep. Anything is possible.
What better time than Spring to layer on the selfcare?
Let’s revisit how we’re caring for ourselves, mama, and make that shift into a brand-new season.
Here are 6 Fresh Ways to Care for Yourself this Spring:
1.) Throw open those windows!
This one is truly simple and free! I like to do it when I’m walking around opening blinds in the morning. I open up a window on each side of the house to take advantage of the cross breeze. I do this no matter what time of year it is, but in spring it just feels natural.
Five minutes is more than enough time to really shift the air in your home. We don’t realize it, but the air in our home can get very stagnant. Especially in newer, energy efficient homes that don’t do a good job of “breathing” on their own.
2.) Designate a spring-cleaning week.
I chose the last week of February this year because we had a busy March coming up, but you can do it any time. I made a plan to tackle one space each day so I didn’t get overwhelmed. Definitely include your kiddos, too, and getting them involved. Everyone can do something.
Don’t get me wrong, it was still a lot of work. But it was worth it! I washed curtains, dusted blinds and fans, touched up paint, decluttered, rearranged, vacuumed, mopped and wiped down surfaces. It was a full clean and now it feels so good.
3.) Freshen up your skincare routine.
I find my routine shifts with the seasons.
In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing. In spring, I slowly start exfoliating twice a week instead of once and I layer in or swap out products based on my skin’s needs.
Don’t forget you can use code CLEANFORALL20to get 20% off your first Beautycounter order with me!
4.) Start a morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day.
I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring rain (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boost my energy and give me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
5.) Get sunshine every day.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like I’m plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it.
Getting daily sunshine has many benefits including:
boosting the immune system
sleep regulation
increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone)
production of Vitamin D
and much more
Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
6.) Grow something.
Anything! Whether it’s starting some seeds for your garden or taking an online course in something that you’ve been wanting to learn more about – growth is key!
The kiddos have requested carrots, peas, tomatoes, flowers and arugula in the garden this year. I have my grow lights ready and I’m just waiting on my planting trays to come. It will be my first year starting seeds inside, so we’ll see how it goes.
As far as courses go, I really want to delve into this one. It feels right up my alley and I think I’m going to go for it in April.
Tell me how you’re taking your selfcare into spring? I’d love to hear!
It doesn’t really matter what the task or goal is. That first step is often paralyzing. We start to second guess ourselves and doubt our capabilities. We procrastinate because we want things to be “just right” before we start. Which is, of course, a recipe for never starting at all.
So, today I wanted to share my Just Start Recipe with you. How to get started when you don’t know where to start.
Just Start Recipe
You will need:
a pen and paper
a healthy dose of focus
Follow these steps:
choose one thing
break that one thing down into the smallest possible steps
take the first step
take the next step
keep on moving through the steps until you’re finished with that one thing
repeat
It sounds simplistic, but most of the time, simple is better.
First, you have to decide what you want to do.
This means, you have to prioritize. You have to choose your one thing to focus on. Whether you’re writing out what you want to do tomorrow or mapping out the next five years. Whether you have to clean your house or you want to build a house. Picking one thing allows your brain to hyperfocus instead of being spread out or scattered over multiple things.
Grab a paper and pencil and write down all the things you want or need to do. There could be 100 things, but – after you’re done with the list – you’re going to choose just one of those things to focus on.
Next, you’re going to break that one thing down into the smallest possible action steps.
This step is all about building momentum. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are or how ridiculously easy they seem, that’s the point: making your first step so simple you can’t help but start.
Let’s take the cleaning the house example. If you chose that as your one thing, you could break it down into smaller action steps like this:
Make a cleaning check list for each room of the house
Gather your cleaning supplies
Choose one room to start in
Stage your cleaning supplies
Get a drink and a snack so you’re hydrated and fueled
Turn on some good music or a podcast
Look at the first item on the check list for the room you’re in
Just start
Here’s the biggest, hardest part: take the first step.
I don’t know about you, mama, but I have often let the need for everything to be perfect paralyze me. I make excuses about my abilities or my resources. I entertain doubts about my method or the results. You name it.
Perfectionism is another form of procrastination.
It will keep you locked up, frozen, unable to move forward in even the smallest things. Be willing to let the little stuff go. Be willing to get messy, to make mistakes, to have to go back to the drawing board.
I have a saying I repeat to myself: Don’t edit yourself out of action.
A few years ago I thought about starting a podcast. It seemed like a good fit, I had tons of content ideas, but then I decided to take a mini course on starting a podcast. Good grief. It was a ten-step process that sounded more complicated than earning a college degree.
Until I decided it didn’t have to be. I downloaded a free recording app. I literally had my iPhone and our master bedroom closet and my notepad. And I just started. No experience. No idea what I was doing.
This year I released Season 3 out into the world.
In other words: you don’t have to get everything perfect before you start. Just start.
Taking that first step can be scary, but every step after gets a little easier.
It’s all about building momentum. That’s why it pays to start small, to break your goal down into tiny, baby steps. Once you get the momentum going, you’ll be unstoppable. You will know the Just Start Recipe by heart and you will find yourself checking off your goals one by one.
Earthly Wellness is one of my favorite natural supplement companies. Although they’re really so much more. They have a skincare line, haircare line, supplements for the whole family (I use the Good Night Lotion every night with our kiddos), essential oils (calming and immune boost are my faves) and whole food supplements as well (cocoa calm is one of my faves!). Earthly Wellness is a small, family-owned business in Ohio and they really put out some amazing products. They are always running awesome promotions/sales and their products are high quality and effective. Give Earthly Wellness a try.
Selfcare is about being consistent in the little things.
It’s about the day-in-day-out caring for yourself, mama. Using the little pockets of your days to re-fill your cup, to minister to your mind, soul and body. It’s about weaving in simple practices that move the needle.
What are those things for you?
The other evening while I was taking some time to recharge at the end of a long day, I started thinking about the selfcare practices I absolutely love that move the needle for me.
The game changers.
Some of them cost money (well spent), but some of them are completely free. All of them have a special place in my selfcare toolbox.
Here they are:
1.) Red light therapy.
I got mine second hand. You can find them refurbished or buy at the year-end sales. But I would pay full price for mine in a heartbeat. It’s that good. I have a Plantinum LED Bio 300 but there are so many good ones on the market. Do your research and get one that fits your needs.
I use mine multiple times a day. I sit in front of it in the morning and evening. If any of my little fam are feeling under the weather, I get them in front of it. My husband uses it for athletic recovery. It basically energizes your cells to do what they were created to do. There are so many great places to find more in-depth information and learn how to take your wellness to a new level using red light. I’m encouraging you to dive in, mama!
2.) Legs up the wall pose.
I do this whenever I’ve been on my feet a lot (every day, ha) and they are feeling tired and sore. I do it when I feel out of sorts. I do it when I need a quick energy boost and when I need to zen out. I’ve read that this pose is equivalent to a 15 min nap. It’s very restorative. All you need is a wall, a pillow if you like and 10-15 minutes.
To get into the pose, sit sideways with your left hip against the wall, lay down and turn on your back to put your legs straight up the wall. Scoot your bum as close as you can to the wall and relax. To come out of the pose, reverse the movement and sit up slowly. Repeat as often as necessary.
3.) Accupressure mat and neck pillow.
I have this mat and pillow set. I leave it out on my rug at the end of my bed so I see it whenever I walk into the room. I use it a lot more that way. I like to use it when I do my legs up the wall pose. I love to lay on it before I get into bed for the night. I use the pillow to wake up in the morning if my neck or shoulders feel tight. It’s amazing.
If you aren’t sure about acupuncture (it’s amazing, too, btw) or you can’t swing those appointments right now, this is a wonderful alternative to ease you into this ancient form of restorative healing.
4.) Daily sunshine.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it. So many benefits including boosting the immune system, sleep regulation, increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone) and much more. Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
5.) A morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day. I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring or I am sick (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boosts my energy and get me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
6.) A basic skincare routine.
This has taken me years to settle into. Learning what my skin needs and how to care for it well. I find my routine shifts with the seasons. In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In the winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing.
I shared that sentiment in an Instagram post recently after I got notice that Instagram had flagged something I shared as “false information.”
While I’m not here to talk about that, I AM here to talk about the obvious war we’re engaged in – for our way of life, for our freedoms, for our families, for our motherhood and for – most importantly – our children.
So, how do we guard our children’s innocence in an age of such flagrant perversion? Emboldened evil that seems to be spilling out from everywhere we turn? So many voices telling us what we can/can’t do? How we can/can’t raise our children? So many opinions about what is true and what is not?
In light of all the recent highlighting of perversion, the veil between good/evil feeling very thin, the upheaval in our personal lives, communities, states, nation and the world – I couldn’t not address this topic. And when I put up a poll on Instagram, it seems that it’s something heavy on your hearts as well.
My children are still young so I’m not writing this article from a place of “this worked for us as parents.” Rather from a place of “we know what worked for us/didn’t work for us growing up” and “this is what our hearts and guts are telling us as we seek the Lord for wisdom in raising our own children.” It’s a place of learning, growing and applying in real time.
Raising my kiddos has seemed pretty straight forward up until this year. I’m not saying easy, but straightforward. The road map seemed pretty clear. I know things tend to get deeper, more involved and nuanced as children get older, become more independent, deal with more varied situations. Life goes from changing poopy diapers, sweeping up crumbs, kissing boo boos to getting drivers licenses, smartphones, the world of the internet, dating relationships, and leaving home.
By using the term “guard,” I am not advocating that we hide our kids under a rock. I am not advocating that we hide the truth from them. I am not advocating that we produce mindless robots who can’t think or reason for themselves and only follow the rules. That sort of approach always backfires.
I am advocating the exact opposite of all those things.
I am advocating that we protect our children’s innocence in a world that is constantly trying to rob them of it. That is our job as parents!
I am advocating that we guard, protect, nurture, teach, guide, and equip our children so that when they do go out into the world on their own they are supported, fortified, armed, ready and confident in who they are, what they believe and what is true.
So, let’s dive in. Here are some practical ways we plan to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. I hope it’s inspiring, encouraging and a solid springboard for how you are approaching the current times with your own children.
“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16
Lead them to Jesus.
I don’t mean this tritely. I mean this very practically. The reality is that we can’t guard our children from every evil. We can’t be there every second. We can’t solve every problem or right every wrong.
Only Jesus can.
Ultimately the greatest guide, defense and support our children will ever have is a solid, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here are a few practical ways we are leading our children to Jesus:
We are transparent with them. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we know it all or never make mistakes. We are sinners, too, who need a Savior. We aren’t perfect, we don’t have all the answers, we have limitations and only Jesus can meet their deepest needs.
We make it clear to our children that Jesus is the only One who will always be there for them, never let them down or fail them. He is the only One who has all the answers and can be the perfect Guide. Basically, we preach the Gospel to them every chance we get.
We read the Bible with them consistently and memorize scripture together so that the truth has a chance to impact their hearts.
We teach them that doing the right things is all well and good but that it ultimately means nothing if their hearts aren’t right. God cares about our heart more than all of our good deeds.
Be picky about where, how and with whom they spend their time.
Where
Where our kiddos go is so important. I am far from a hover-er or helicopter mom, but I am super picky about where my kids go without me. Especially when they are too young to talk and too young to defend themselves.
It’s our privilege as parents to be their safety, their haven, their defense. We shouldn’t abdicate that prematurely.
It’s our job to make sure our children are not placed in unsafe circumstances. Whether its Sunday School, extended family, daycare, a neighbor’s house, etc, we have to actively vet their surroundings and not let anyone guilt us by telling us we’re being too picky or we’re sheltering our kids too much.
We get one shot with our kiddos and no one is responsible for their safety but us. No one will be held accountable for our children but us.
How
Be present and engaged when they are consuming media. Limiting screen time and setting clear boundaries around screens is a good start. Using the media they do consume as a springboard for honest conversation is key.
Be present and engaged when they are consuming anything really. Reading books, play dates, relationships with the neighborhood kids or extended family, everything.
It’s not about making sure they never see or hear anything untrue. It’s all about making sure they know the difference between the truth and a lie.
And if we are present and engaged, they know we care, we are building trust with our kids so that they feel free to share with us, ask us questions and bring us problems.
Who
There’s a reason for the saying “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Because who we spend our time with is who we will become. Same goes for our kids.
It’s so important to teach our children to pursue worthy relationships. To be discerning in who they spend time with and who they allow into their inner circle.
This is all apart of setting healthy boundaries. It is necessary and good and a life-long skill that will serve them well.
Here are a few practical ways we are picky about where/how/with whom they spend their time:
We are very careful about where our children go. This will change as they grow and mature and become stronger to defend themselves. But, right now, we are their main line of defense and they are still young and vulnerable.
We talk to them about how the eyes are the windows to the soul. It’s critical that we be wise in what we watch. Once it goes in, it’s very very hard to get it out. We have to make wise choices in order to protect our minds and our hearts. Even moms and dads! No one is “above” this principle.
We are teaching them how to set healthy boundaries. The earlier and younger kids learn this, the better. It is good to love all people because they are made in the image of God, but that doesn’t mean we give all people access to our hearts or our inner circle. Only a few select people are allowed to enter there.
Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations.
Always at an age appropriate level, of course, but have those conversations none the less. Pray for wisdom, pray for the words. Be clear, concise. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth with your children. They know when adults are being less than genuine.
Rules for the sake of rules are not enough. Children want to know the “why” and that’s healthy and good! We want to raise critical thinkers, not mindless robots.
Be clear about why they can/can’t do certain things, what your expectations are and why. Be honest with them. This will keep both you and them accountable. Let them ask questions and don’t be afraid to answer honestly. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t have the answer if you don’t.
Go to Jesus together. Pray with them for wisdom. Pray over them that God will give them wisdom as they grow.
If we have the hard conversations from a young age, we will be able to have the hard conversations as they grow. It will become apart of daily life, apart of our relationship with each child. Open communication lines are so key.
Teach critical thinking skills from a young age.
We are missing this in our society. It seems very few people know how to use their brain to search out and find the truth. To reason and solve problems on their own. To reach logical conclusions based on the facts.
Criticial thinking doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It is a skill that must be taught. If we aren’t teaching our children this skill from a young age, they will have loads of problems being successful in life. It’s easy to let others think for you, to tell you what is true and to mindlessly consume information without stopping to ask if it’s legitimate or not.
Learning [+ therefore teaching our children] how to think critically takes time, thought, consistency and loads of patience. It’s hard work.
It’s totally, 100% worth it. Because we don’t want mindless robots. We want strong, wise, informed Truth Seekers. We want children who grow into adults that know right from wrong, truth from lies and aren’t afraid to call a spade a spade.
Here are some ways were teaching our kids the skill of critical thinking:
We encourage them to solve their own problems whenever possible.
We routinely discuss current events at an age appropriate level.
We expose them to all sorts of view points and teach them to go to Jesus and His Word for the truth.
We let them ask questions and we give our best answers. Or we tell them we don’t know and we find the answer together.
We teach them history. Real, living history, so that hopefully, prayerfully they are not doomed to repeat it.
Maintain open lines of communication.
If we connect with our children on a consistent basis, on their level, joining in their interests, entering their world when they are little, they will be much more apt to let us do so when they’re older. The stakes are always high. Communicating regularly with our children on a daily basis is so important.
One way I’m doing that right now is by spending 10 minutes of concentrated time with each kiddo daily. This initially felt like a lot and not enough at the same time, but it’s been so good for them.
A few other ways we keep open lines of communication with are kids are:
I choose to stay at home. It’s a sacrifice on my levels but also a true joy. It’s not easy, but it is worth it to have these few, short years with my babies as they are growing. I know the word privilege is being thrown around a lot these days, but I mean it when I say: staying at home with my kids while they are little is one of the greatest privileges of my life.
We choose to teach them at home. Homeschooling, unschooling, alternate schooling, whatever label you want to slap on it… we believe that our children are our greatest resource. And we don’t want to give anyone more time or more influence over them than we have ourselves. No childcare provider or teacher will be held accountable for our children; we will as their parents.
We make sure our children know they can ask us anything, talk to us about anything at any time. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is too small or silly. When they do come to us, we try our very best to give them our undivided attention.
Employ safe guards.
Our kiddos are still little, so safe guards are pretty straight forward right now. Here are a few we employ regularly:
We pray over our children every day. That God would protect and preserve them and surround them with His peace.
We don’t let them go anywhere without us unless we are 100% comfortable with the situation.
We are very picky about who watches them.
We talk to them about their bodies and teach them proper terminology. We teach them what is private, what is appropriate, etc, and what to do if anyone ever violates their privacy in any way or makes them feel uncomfortable.
We limit their access to screens and make sure they are on child-safe settings.
A note for parents of older kids: I’ve heard amazing things about Gabb Wireless for teens who need a phone. No sponsored or affiliated. They offer phones that have calling/text/GPS/camera capabilities that looks like a smartphone but doesn’t have internet access or the ability to download apps. I kind of want one for myself.
There you have it! Practical ways to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. Not a light subject, I know, but a super important one.
Have any questions? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. My eBook Practicing Self-Care with Littles is launching soon! Get on the waitlist HERE and receive a special, early-bird discount price when it releases.
I could write so many words about how having a capsule wardrobe has totally transformed my closet. Because it has. I have only what I need, use and love. And it makes getting dressed every day so much easier and, dare I say, more fun.
I get to shop when needed, but it’s purposeful and intentional. Everything I buy works together, plays its part in my capsule. And it feels good. Really good. So, before I use too many more words, let’s dive in to my top three tips for building a capsule wardrobe you love.
Tip #1: Build your capsule to fit your lifestyle
First, ask yourself: what is my lifestyle? Meaning: what do you spend most of your time doing?
My lifestyle is overwhelmingly #momlife. Stains possible, baby on my hip probable, chasing kiddos [not] optional. So, my wardrobe has to be cozy, comfy + durable to stand up to the daily demand.
Once you identify your lifestyle, you can define your style and build your wardrobe to fit it.
Can you choose two words that define your style? If you can’t (even if you can), I highly recommend you create a Pinterest board + start pinning anything + everything that catches your eye (riffing this idea from Myquillyn Smith’s The Cozy Minimalist Home…but it’s perfect for building your cozy, minimalist wardrobe, too).
After a while, you’ll start to see patterns (maybe literally?) + your two words will surface. Use this as a spring-board (enough with the puns, Hannah) for creating your capsule.
My two words are: cozy chic. Check out my inspiration board here.
Tip #2: Build your capsule around classic, neutral pieces
Classic, neutral pieces are super key when it comes to building a capsule wardrobe you love.
First, it means you can easily mix + match everything in your closet. Which means you can get dressed in two minutes flat if (when) you need to. Can I get an amen?
Second, it means that your pieces can easily overlap between seasons. When your main capsule pieces aren’t tied to a specific color scheme, spring can meld into summer, fall can meld into winter, etc. Let’s weave a pop of color in with accessories instead.
Third, it means your pieces can be worn for years without going out of style. I’m all for trends IF it’s a trend you love + will wear even when it’s not trending anymore. Trendy becomes classic when it’s a piece that is worn + loved (but maybe that’s a post for another day?). However you wear it, classic, neutral pieces can often be used for years when cared for well and when bought to last.
Which brings me to the third tip…
Tip #3: Build your capsule to last
I love a good deal. I love thrifting and clearance wracks. Absolutely zero shame in that game. In fact, the leather jacket in the outfits above is a thrift store find. It’s not about the amount of money you spend on a piece, it’s about the quality of the piece its self. After throwing many a pilled Target t-shirts in the trash, I’ve learned the benefit of buying quality once in a while so I don’t have to keep buying mediocre over and over again.
This means a few things: – I steer clear of certain materials that fall apart the first time I wash them [ahem, Target t-shirt, I’m talking about you]. – I look for brands I know have held up well in the past. – I don’t buy finicky materials that require dry cleaning/hand washing/ironing. NOTE: I find any delicate items do really well when I throw them in a garment bag, air dry + then toss briefly in the dryer to release wrinkles.
My favorites brands and small shops…
Over time I’ve found a few places I love to shop. Where I know I can find clothes that fit my lifestyle, my personal style and hold up to constant use.
One of my long time favorite big brands is GAP (boyfriend jeans, black dress) I also purchase from American Eagle + Aerie. They both have some of the coziest pieces that still look chic. My favorite small shop is Carly Jean Los Angeles (black pants, striped cardigan, striped top, pink dress + jumper). And I guess they aren’t really a small shop because they are expanding rapidly and always carry pieces that are amazing. They subscribe to a capsule approach as well and have an entire section on their website dedicated to the basics.
For shoes I almost always have shopped Target or Payless (the floral sneaks and gladiator sandals are from those two places respectively), but the last couple of years I’ve started investing a little more in footwear since I do love + use the same shoes for years. The black sandals in my outfits are Adrienne Vittadini from Amazon.
And that’s about all she wrote. For now. I’m sure there’s more where this came from because I could talk/write about capsule wardrobes all day.
Drop me a note if you have any questions or any tips to share!
