Mama, WE are the independent fact checkers.
I shared that sentiment in an Instagram post recently after I got notice that Instagram had flagged something I shared as “false information.”
While I’m not here to talk about that, I AM here to talk about the obvious war we’re engaged in – for our way of life, for our freedoms, for our families, for our motherhood and for – most importantly – our children.
So, how do we guard our children’s innocence in an age of such flagrant perversion? Emboldened evil that seems to be spilling out from everywhere we turn? So many voices telling us what we can/can’t do? How we can/can’t raise our children? So many opinions about what is true and what is not?
In light of all the recent highlighting of perversion, the veil between good/evil feeling very thin, the upheaval in our personal lives, communities, states, nation and the world – I couldn’t not address this topic. And when I put up a poll on Instagram, it seems that it’s something heavy on your hearts as well.
My children are still young so I’m not writing this article from a place of “this worked for us as parents.” Rather from a place of “we know what worked for us/didn’t work for us growing up” and “this is what our hearts and guts are telling us as we seek the Lord for wisdom in raising our own children.” It’s a place of learning, growing and applying in real time.
Listen to the companion podcast episode HERE.
Raising my kiddos has seemed pretty straight forward up until this year. I’m not saying easy, but straightforward. The road map seemed pretty clear. I know things tend to get deeper, more involved and nuanced as children get older, become more independent, deal with more varied situations. Life goes from changing poopy diapers, sweeping up crumbs, kissing boo boos to getting drivers licenses, smartphones, the world of the internet, dating relationships, and leaving home.
By using the term “guard,” I am not advocating that we hide our kids under a rock. I am not advocating that we hide the truth from them. I am not advocating that we produce mindless robots who can’t think or reason for themselves and only follow the rules. That sort of approach always backfires.
I am advocating the exact opposite of all those things.
I am advocating that we protect our children’s innocence in a world that is constantly trying to rob them of it. That is our job as parents!
I am advocating that we guard, protect, nurture, teach, guide, and equip our children so that when they do go out into the world on their own they are supported, fortified, armed, ready and confident in who they are, what they believe and what is true.
So, let’s dive in. Here are some practical ways we plan to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. I hope it’s inspiring, encouraging and a solid springboard for how you are approaching the current times with your own children.
“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16
Lead them to Jesus.
I don’t mean this tritely. I mean this very practically. The reality is that we can’t guard our children from every evil. We can’t be there every second. We can’t solve every problem or right every wrong.
Only Jesus can.
Ultimately the greatest guide, defense and support our children will ever have is a solid, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here are a few practical ways we are leading our children to Jesus:
We are transparent with them. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we know it all or never make mistakes. We are sinners, too, who need a Savior. We aren’t perfect, we don’t have all the answers, we have limitations and only Jesus can meet their deepest needs.
We make it clear to our children that Jesus is the only One who will always be there for them, never let them down or fail them. He is the only One who has all the answers and can be the perfect Guide. Basically, we preach the Gospel to them every chance we get.
We read the Bible with them consistently and memorize scripture together so that the truth has a chance to impact their hearts.
We teach them that doing the right things is all well and good but that it ultimately means nothing if their hearts aren’t right. God cares about our heart more than all of our good deeds.
Be picky about where, how and with whom they spend their time.
Where
Where our kiddos go is so important. I am far from a hover-er or helicopter mom, but I am super picky about where my kids go without me. Especially when they are too young to talk and too young to defend themselves.
It’s our privilege as parents to be their safety, their haven, their defense. We shouldn’t abdicate that prematurely.
It’s our job to make sure our children are not placed in unsafe circumstances. Whether its Sunday School, extended family, daycare, a neighbor’s house, etc, we have to actively vet their surroundings and not let anyone guilt us by telling us we’re being too picky or we’re sheltering our kids too much.
We get one shot with our kiddos and no one is responsible for their safety but us. No one will be held accountable for our children but us.
How
Be present and engaged when they are consuming media. Limiting screen time and setting clear boundaries around screens is a good start. Using the media they do consume as a springboard for honest conversation is key.
Be present and engaged when they are consuming anything really. Reading books, play dates, relationships with the neighborhood kids or extended family, everything.
It’s not about making sure they never see or hear anything untrue. It’s all about making sure they know the difference between the truth and a lie.
And if we are present and engaged, they know we care, we are building trust with our kids so that they feel free to share with us, ask us questions and bring us problems.
Who
There’s a reason for the saying “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Because who we spend our time with is who we will become. Same goes for our kids.
It’s so important to teach our children to pursue worthy relationships. To be discerning in who they spend time with and who they allow into their inner circle.
This is all apart of setting healthy boundaries. It is necessary and good and a life-long skill that will serve them well.
Here are a few practical ways we are picky about where/how/with whom they spend their time:
We are very careful about where our children go. This will change as they grow and mature and become stronger to defend themselves. But, right now, we are their main line of defense and they are still young and vulnerable.
We talk to them about how the eyes are the windows to the soul. It’s critical that we be wise in what we watch. Once it goes in, it’s very very hard to get it out. We have to make wise choices in order to protect our minds and our hearts. Even moms and dads! No one is “above” this principle.
We are teaching them how to set healthy boundaries. The earlier and younger kids learn this, the better. It is good to love all people because they are made in the image of God, but that doesn’t mean we give all people access to our hearts or our inner circle. Only a few select people are allowed to enter there.
Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations.
Always at an age appropriate level, of course, but have those conversations none the less. Pray for wisdom, pray for the words. Be clear, concise. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth with your children. They know when adults are being less than genuine.
Rules for the sake of rules are not enough. Children want to know the “why” and that’s healthy and good! We want to raise critical thinkers, not mindless robots.
Be clear about why they can/can’t do certain things, what your expectations are and why. Be honest with them. This will keep both you and them accountable. Let them ask questions and don’t be afraid to answer honestly. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t have the answer if you don’t.
Go to Jesus together. Pray with them for wisdom. Pray over them that God will give them wisdom as they grow.
If we have the hard conversations from a young age, we will be able to have the hard conversations as they grow. It will become apart of daily life, apart of our relationship with each child. Open communication lines are so key.
Teach critical thinking skills from a young age.
We are missing this in our society. It seems very few people know how to use their brain to search out and find the truth. To reason and solve problems on their own. To reach logical conclusions based on the facts.
Criticial thinking doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It is a skill that must be taught. If we aren’t teaching our children this skill from a young age, they will have loads of problems being successful in life. It’s easy to let others think for you, to tell you what is true and to mindlessly consume information without stopping to ask if it’s legitimate or not.
Learning [+ therefore teaching our children] how to think critically takes time, thought, consistency and loads of patience. It’s hard work.
It’s totally, 100% worth it. Because we don’t want mindless robots. We want strong, wise, informed Truth Seekers. We want children who grow into adults that know right from wrong, truth from lies and aren’t afraid to call a spade a spade.
Here are some ways were teaching our kids the skill of critical thinking:
- We encourage them to solve their own problems whenever possible.
- We routinely discuss current events at an age appropriate level.
- We expose them to all sorts of view points and teach them to go to Jesus and His Word for the truth.
- We let them ask questions and we give our best answers. Or we tell them we don’t know and we find the answer together.
- We teach them history. Real, living history, so that hopefully, prayerfully they are not doomed to repeat it.
Maintain open lines of communication.
If we connect with our children on a consistent basis, on their level, joining in their interests, entering their world when they are little, they will be much more apt to let us do so when they’re older. The stakes are always high. Communicating regularly with our children on a daily basis is so important.
One way I’m doing that right now is by spending 10 minutes of concentrated time with each kiddo daily. This initially felt like a lot and not enough at the same time, but it’s been so good for them.
A few other ways we keep open lines of communication with are kids are:
I choose to stay at home. It’s a sacrifice on my levels but also a true joy. It’s not easy, but it is worth it to have these few, short years with my babies as they are growing. I know the word privilege is being thrown around a lot these days, but I mean it when I say: staying at home with my kids while they are little is one of the greatest privileges of my life.
We choose to teach them at home. Homeschooling, unschooling, alternate schooling, whatever label you want to slap on it… we believe that our children are our greatest resource. And we don’t want to give anyone more time or more influence over them than we have ourselves. No childcare provider or teacher will be held accountable for our children; we will as their parents.
We make sure our children know they can ask us anything, talk to us about anything at any time. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is too small or silly. When they do come to us, we try our very best to give them our undivided attention.
Employ safe guards.
Our kiddos are still little, so safe guards are pretty straight forward right now. Here are a few we employ regularly:
- We pray over our children every day. That God would protect and preserve them and surround them with His peace.
- We don’t let them go anywhere without us unless we are 100% comfortable with the situation.
- We are very picky about who watches them.
- We talk to them about their bodies and teach them proper terminology. We teach them what is private, what is appropriate, etc, and what to do if anyone ever violates their privacy in any way or makes them feel uncomfortable.
- We limit their access to screens and make sure they are on child-safe settings.
A note for parents of older kids: I’ve heard amazing things about Gabb Wireless for teens who need a phone. No sponsored or affiliated. They offer phones that have calling/text/GPS/camera capabilities that looks like a smartphone but doesn’t have internet access or the ability to download apps. I kind of want one for myself.
There you have it! Practical ways to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. Not a light subject, I know, but a super important one.
Have any questions? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you.
Listen to the companion podcast episode HERE.
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Let’s care for ourselves,
Hannah