This coming weekend just got really busy all of the sudden… I texted a friend. Can we reschedule for next weekend?

There was a time, not too many years ago, when I never would have dreamed of cancelling on a friend. Or anybody for that matter. I never wanted to let anyone down, never wanted to disappoint anyone, never wanted to say no. I would quip that I must have a sign hung around my neck that said, “Please, take advantage of me.” I was always going, didn’t know how to rest, wouldn’t heed my body’s signals that it needed care.

But that was then. What bridged the gap? Learning how to set boundaries. A couple years into my self-care journey I hit a wall. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t going to get very far unless I learned how to set healthy boundaries.

Because self-care isn’t just warm drinks, detox baths, hydrating and brain dumps. It’s not just about getting a nap or time alone or taking five minutes to put on make up. It is all those things and so much more. It’s also the hard stuff, the heavy stuff. Like learning how to set healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries is key to practicing self-care. If we don’t set healthy boundaries all our efforts at self-care will fail.

But why? Here are just a few reasons we need to set boundaries:

• Setting healthy boundaries checks our pride. We are not superhuman with limitless amounts of time, energy or resources. Let’s not fool ourselves into acting like we are.
• Setting healthy boundaries informs others of our limits. Some people don’t know + some people don’t care. Either way, it’s not fair to them or to us not to be clear about our limits.
• Setting healthy boundaries ensures we have what we need for the things + the people who matter most. It ensures we’re not wasting precious time, energy or resources on the unimportant stuff.
• Setting healthy boundaries keeps us safe. When we don’t have boundaries, anything goes. And anyone goes. We need protection from our own human nature and others who might take advantage of us.

But how? Here are some practical steps to setting boundaries:

1.) Identify a problem area in your life. Something that is wearing on you, draining you, perhaps even causing you anxiety and/or affecting your physical health.

Example: You can’t seem to put your phone down. Sounds and badges and notifications are constantly calling for your attention. You get a lot of texts and a lot of emails. You’re constantly checking + rechecking your phone. You’re always trying to answer a text, read an email or respond to someone on social media. You’re always distracted, trying to be in two places at once. You have a mental buzz that never really goes away.

2.) Identify your limits in that area.

Example: I don’t have endless amounts of time to respond to texts, emails and notifications. I can only be in one place at a time. I have about two hours per day I’m able and willing to give. I’ll handle the most important and leave the rest.

3.) Set healthy boundaries based on those limits.

Example: I’m going to answer emails + texts for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in evening, that’s all the time I have. I’m going to turn off all notifications except for texts from my spouse, everyone else can wait. I will check social media for an hour in the evenings when I’m not distracted.

Here are some more examples of how you might set healthy boundaries:

• You cut ties with anyone who doesn’t lift you up. Starting with face to face relationships down to the people you follow on social media. You are kind but unapologetic. If you need to, you have the hard conversations.
• You say no to any extra-curricular activities that don’t fill your cup. You are ruthless. You only get 24 hours in a day and every day is a gift.
• You keep to firm wake times, quiet time/nap times and bed times for your kiddos. You find this to be a game changer because you need space at those times each day to care for yourself so that you can be a better mom.
• You create and follow a budget each month. Especially during the holidays. You realize that managing your finances is self-care, too.

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Does this resonate with you, mama? Have any questions? Please leave me a comment or send me an email. I’m here.

This post is part of our #smbselfcareis series. To read more posts in this series, go here.

I’m also over on Instagram and, if you haven’t signed up for my email list, I’m there, too. If you sign up, I’m giving you my Healthy + Healing Warm Drink Guide FREE.

Let’s care for ourselves,

Hannah