Self-care has never been more important. The harder the times, the tighter the squeeze, the higher the pressure – the more we need #soulmindbodyselfcare.
Now is not the time to skimp on caring for ourselves. But I know, mama, you might be asking: how??? How do I layer on the self-care when I have my kids with me all day.
Luckily, I’ve spent the last several years dialing down on this. I’ve got three babies (+ a fourth on the way!) at home with me every day, and I have learned how to care for myself in consistent, tangible, life-changing ways. It can be done.
In fact, it’s become my mission to redefine self-care and help as many mamas as I can care for themselves well.
So, let’s dive into 6 ways you can care for yourself with littles at home…
1.) Think in 5-10 minute increments sprinkled throughout the day.
Maybe you’re used to working with larger chunks of time. I know I’ve been used to getting out every Saturday for several hours alone and that’s not really happening right now. It’s been an adjustment, but I’ve just added in several more pockets of self-care into my days.
So, instead of thinking you need two consecutive hours alone, take that two hours and break it down into 5-10 minute increments you sprinkle throughout your day.
Here are some of mine:
My morning skincare routine (5 minutes)
Making and drinking a warm drink (10 minutes)
Sitting in the sunshine while the kids play (10 minutes)
Yoga or a HIIT workout (10 minutes, 2 x’s a day)
Brain dump (5 minutes)
Read a chapter (5 minutes)
Bonus: by approaching self-care in this way, you’ll effectively log way more time caring for yourself on a day-to-day basis than you would trying to fit in big chunks of time every once in a while. A little goes a long way.
2.) Ask your husband for help.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but I think it’s probably the most underutilized. I know it was for me for years. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I thought asking for help meant I was failing. I also thought that if I had to ask for help, spell it out, maybe my husband didn’t really care for me.
After 8 years of marriage and almost as many of motherhood, I’ve learned that asking for help is necessary to my well-being and the well-being of my family. I’ve learned that just because I ask for help doesn’t mean I’m failing. In fact, it shows I’m growing and learning and that I’m strong enough to admit I can’t do everything on my own. I’ve learned that (news flash) men and women are wired differently. Just because your husband doesn’t jump in and do things before you ask doesn’t mean he doesn’t care; it means he’s human and he can’t read your mind.
Remember: ask your husband for help and ask often. It’s okay to spell out what you need! I think most men appreciate not being left to guess at details. Be calm, be clear and tell him how thankful you are for his help. Over time, he’ll adjust to the rhythms, too, and I think you’ll find him jumping in without being asked. At this point in marriage and parenthood, my husband and I are more of a team than ever. We tag team through the days: I’ll cook and he does the dishes. I wrangle kiddos in the morning, he’ll take over bath time.
Bonus: don’t just stop with your husband. Ask your mom for help, your mother-in-law, your sister, a close friend. And delegate to grocery delivery or pick up services, take out on the rough days, anything that can automate extra tasks. Get creative. Determine what you need and find the help to make it happen. No martyr mentality allowed!
3.) Create rhythms that work for you.
I’ve talked about how helpful this is in this post and this post. And I’ve also created The Rhythms Guide just with you in mind.
Creating your daily, weekly + self-care rhythms will help everything flow smoother. Rhythms create structure without suffocating, provide framework while retaining lots of flexibility.
Here’s a peek at our daily rhythms:
- Morning rituals – slow breakfast, going out front to sit in the sun, run and play and water our plants, and free play inside ( I usually tell them to find something creative to do)
- Do at least 1 load of laundry to completion, clean 1 space – the kids help me fold and put away laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum, tidy their room and the house when needed. I usually concentrate on decluttering or cleaning one space each day.
- Morning basket and concentrated learning time for an hour or so.
- Outside or free play for a couple of hours.
- Lunch time around noon.
- Quiet time/nap time – usually from 1:30-3:30. This is when I fit in more concentrated self-care.
- Outside or free play for a few hours.
- Bedtime rituals – baths, free play, read aloud, singing songs and praying together.
One of the big things reflected in our daily rhythms is a back and forth type pattern. I saw someone use the term “inchworm” the other day. It’s this idea of doing something together (morning basket), then letting the kiddos do something on their own (free play) and back + forth like that. Of course I’m always there to provide supervision and direction when needed, but I’m not dictating every moment of every day.
Nor should we, mama! We are not responsible for the 24/7 entertainment of our children. I think this might be where a lot of disconnect happens between motherhood and self-care. Our kids don’t need us hovering, providing constant diversion, filling up every spare moment with activity. No! Mama, we need that extra energy, those spare moments to use in caring for ourselves.
Let the kiddos go, let them free play while you make and sip a warm drink, while you sit and journal or do a brain dump, while you do a work out video, while you read a chapter from a book, while you catch up on some nagging housework (#thisisselfcare).
Bonus: Once you work your way through this blog post, take #3 (establishing daily rhythms) and #6 (creating a daily self-care plan) and marry them together.
For example, I take the following list of self-care items and fit them in around our daily rhythms:
- Morning skincare routine
- Make and sip a warm drink
- Move for 10-15 minutes
- Read, nap, write, watch a show, lay out in the sun at quiet time
- Soak in a detox bath
4.) Institute a daily quiet time.
I could not thrive in motherhood without this consistent break in the middle of the day. We usually have ours from 1:30-3:30pm and that gives me a larger chunk of time to practice self-care. I’ll do a yoga flow, take a shower, take a nap, lay out in the sunshine, read, watch a show, take care of nagging tasks, paint my nails, declutter something, etc.
My youngest naps, but my oldest two either play quietly or read books. I usually separate them and put my oldest at the dining room table playing legos and my middle one in her bed with quiet toys and books.
We have practiced this rhythm for a long time and it hasn’t always been easy. In fact, we still have our rough days. But it’s one of the few lines I’ve drawn in the sand because I firmly believe that we all need that break. They need down time for their little bodies and brains, I need down time for my sanity + #soulmindbodyselfcare, and we all need space from each other or we start to go a little crazy. So, don’t give up if it doesn’t work out seamlessly the first day or even the 30th day. Truly. It’s worth it.
Bonus: here are a few tips for a successful quiet time…
1.) Ease into it, starting with 30 minutes and working your way up to the full two hours over the course of a week or so.
2.) Remove yourself, mama. Send yourself back to your room, close the door and rest. Take a bath. Crawl into bed. Read a book. Do some yoga. But don’t stay out in the common area where you can hear every little sound or where they can easily access you. I tell my kids they can’t come into my room unless someone is bleeding or dying. Ha.
3) Stand your ground. Be firm. Explain the reason for quiet time and enforce consequences. Don’t give up. Eventually they will get it, even if it doesn’t look perfect.
5.) Practice self-care WITH them.
Whether you’ve grown into having kids at home or it’s been thrust on you overnight, learning to care for yourself while at the same time caring for the little people in your life is going to take time. It’s going to take re-adjusting. It’s going to take flexibility. And it’s going to take lots of grace.
Here’s an example: if you’ve been used to going to the gym and you miss your hour long, uninterrupted workouts, it’s going to take a little while to adjust to working out at home with littles. Maybe you already have? But if you can’t find that hour chunk of time in your day and you’re really missing it, try moving WITH your kids. Do a workout video on the back porch while they play, go for a walk or jog with the kids and intersperse sets of pushups, sit ups or sprints, turn on a yoga video in the living room and invite them to do it with you.
Other ideas for practicing self-care with kids:
- Involve your kiddos in making a delicious lunch or an after-dinner treat.
- Lay out and soak up some vitamin D while the kiddos play in the backyard. Bring your book and iced tea!
- Lay on the couch and watch a family friendly show. Pop popcorn, bring all the blankets.
Bonus: If you crave alone time while you work out (or while you do any particular item of self-care), save it for quiet time. When the kids are settled, turn on that workout video, do a long yoga flow, or get out on a solo walk/jog while your husband holds down the fort. It’s necessary and good to be alone.
6.) Make your self-care plan the night before.
It helps so much to have a plan and it helps so much to have that plan written down before a new day starts.
First, after you’re cozy in bed for the night, pull out a notebook and pen. Second, take a minute and determine your top 3 self-care items for the next day. What do you need the most? Write those down. It doesn’t have to be just three, but I’ve found three to be a manageable start. Finally, determine where those self-care items are going to fit into your day. Schedule them in.
Are you craving extra time to get dressed and do your hair and makeup? Then make sure to plan accordingly and get up a little bit earlier. Do you love to cook and want to spend time solo in the kitchen with a cocktail and some music playing? Make it happen at lunch time if that works better than cramping the bedtime routine. If your husband is at home, see if he can wrangle the kids or simply send them out to play.
Bonus: if you’d like more help creating a self-care routine, check out this post.
Here are some of my favorite tips for keeping the kiddos happy when you need some peace:
Tip #1: Room time or outside time.
Institute “room time” when you need to concentrate on someone/something else. For toddlers, make it fun, put up the baby gate, make sure the room is kid proof (as much as humanly possible 😆) and set a timer. That way the toddler is contained + safe and you have a little peace of mind + focus. If your children are older, tell them they can play with the door closed, set the timer if it helps.
Have set time(s) every day you send the kids outside to play. This way the kids know to expect it and you can count on that time to practice self-care and get some things done. I like to leave a window open so I can hear what’s going on outside while going about my business.
In case you need some more ideas for keeping the kiddos busy inside and out, here are some activities my kiddos love: Kiwi Crate, paint by sticker books, sidewalk chalk (encourage them to draw roads and a city for their cars), bubbles with a giant wand, magnatiles, puzzles, Art Hub on Youtube
Tip #2: Don’t fear the screens.
Don’t fear the screens, mama. They can be super useful and amazing tools. Designate a favorite show or kid friendly app for times you need to nurse/care for the baby, make a phone call, practice self-care or do anything that requires undivided attention.
Favorite Shows: Word World, the original Magic School Bus, SuperBook, Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers, Duck Tales
Favorite Apps: Joy Doodle, Little Writer and the YouVersion Bible app for Kids. We’re also trying out ABC Mouse and the kids really love it so far.
Tip #3: Limit the toys.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but it really works. Kids tend to play better with fewer choices. Divide the toys in half (or so) and put one half in the garage or up in the closet in storage. Also, now might be a good time to declutter/purge any toys that are broken, missing parts or aren’t being used regularly.
You can rotate the divided toys whenever you want. We usually rotate every month or so. And sometimes I put a lot more than half up. My rule when deciding how much to keep down is: do I want to bend over and pick that up or supervise the clean up? If I don’t, then it goes up or goes away. Any time I feel overwhelmed by messes, I know the toys need to be reduced.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
Let’s care for ourselves,
Hannah