Selfcare is about being consistent in the little things.
It’s about the day-in-day-out caring for yourself, mama. Using the little pockets of your days to re-fill your cup, to minister to your mind, soul and body. It’s about weaving in simple practices that move the needle.
What are those things for you?
The other evening while I was taking some time to recharge at the end of a long day, I started thinking about the selfcare practices I absolutely love that move the needle for me.
The game changers.
Some of them cost money (well spent), but some of them are completely free. All of them have a special place in my selfcare toolbox.
Here they are:
1.) Red light therapy.
I got mine second hand. You can find them refurbished or buy at the year-end sales. But I would pay full price for mine in a heartbeat. It’s that good. I have a Plantinum LED Bio 300 but there are so many good ones on the market. Do your research and get one that fits your needs.
I use mine multiple times a day. I sit in front of it in the morning and evening. If any of my little fam are feeling under the weather, I get them in front of it. My husband uses it for athletic recovery. It basically energizes your cells to do what they were created to do. There are so many great places to find more in-depth information and learn how to take your wellness to a new level using red light. I’m encouraging you to dive in, mama!
2.) Legs up the wall pose.
I do this whenever I’ve been on my feet a lot (every day, ha) and they are feeling tired and sore. I do it when I feel out of sorts. I do it when I need a quick energy boost and when I need to zen out. I’ve read that this pose is equivalent to a 15 min nap. It’s very restorative. All you need is a wall, a pillow if you like and 10-15 minutes.
To get into the pose, sit sideways with your left hip against the wall, lay down and turn on your back to put your legs straight up the wall. Scoot your bum as close as you can to the wall and relax. To come out of the pose, reverse the movement and sit up slowly. Repeat as often as necessary.
3.) Accupressure mat and neck pillow.
I have this mat and pillow set. I leave it out on my rug at the end of my bed so I see it whenever I walk into the room. I use it a lot more that way. I like to use it when I do my legs up the wall pose. I love to lay on it before I get into bed for the night. I use the pillow to wake up in the morning if my neck or shoulders feel tight. It’s amazing.
If you aren’t sure about acupuncture (it’s amazing, too, btw) or you can’t swing those appointments right now, this is a wonderful alternative to ease you into this ancient form of restorative healing.
4.) Daily sunshine.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it. So many benefits including boosting the immune system, sleep regulation, increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone) and much more. Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
5.) A morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day. I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring or I am sick (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boosts my energy and get me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
6.) A basic skincare routine.
This has taken me years to settle into. Learning what my skin needs and how to care for it well. I find my routine shifts with the seasons. In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In the winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing.
It’s my hope that this post will serve as a guide to caring for yourself during early postpartum and beyond.
I hope that it will help you or a mama you know reclaim this precious season and take the time to recover, heal and adjust.
I hope that it will make your entrance into motherhood (whether it’s the first or seventh time) a sacred time of true soul, mind and body self-care.
My Postpartum Experiences
I’ve had three very different birth experiences so far.
My first was a homebirth that ended in a transfer to the hospital. My second was at a birth center. And my third was a home birth/water birth that was absolutely amazing.
Just as I’ve had three different birth experiences, I’ve also had three different postpartum experiences. I don’t expect the fourth (coming soon!) to be any different.
Unlike birth plans that may have to be completely thrown out the window, I believe we have a little more control over our postpartum experience. A little thought and preparation can go a long way in amplifying our recovery, healing and adjustment. Each of my postpartum experiences have gotten progressively better as I’ve learned better how to care for myself in that precious season.
Observing and honoring early postpartum and the 4th Trimester (those first 12 weeks) is so very important. Yet, it’s something we woefully neglect as a society. So many other cultures observe this beautiful season, but in the Western world we seem to have forgotten about supporting the mother through this vulnerable time of recovering, healing and adjustment.
The baby gets so much focus, care and attention after birth. That’s as it should be. But I know from personal experience I put exponentially much more time and thought and money into prepping for my firstborn…and I hardly even considered what I would need for recovery, healing and adjusting during the postpartum season.
I rushed into motherhood like I had to prove that I was “okay,” that I could handle it.
Like staying in bed with my new baby to recover, heal and adjust was a sign of weakness.
Like pushing myself too far, too fast was a sign of strength and capability.
But it wasn’t. All the lies I believed about “keeping up” and getting back in shape and returning to normal were detrimental to my soul, mind and body as a new mother.
It’s my hope we can rediscover the beauty of the postpartum season. To take that time not only to bond with our baby and learn how to care for a new precious life, but also to care for ourselves in deep and needed ways that will pave the way for a smoother transition into a new season.
Specific Ways I’m Preparing for Early Postpartum
First, I’m going to be sharing what I am doing to prepare for postpartum this fourth time. I’ll be sharing many resources and tips that I’ve discovered through my first three experiences.
Most of what I will share are my tried and trues. Some are brand-new to me. With each baby I up my postpartum game because I learn something new each time.
Here are some specific ways I’m preparing for postpartum:
Pre-Gaming the Self-Care
Before my third baby I saw another mama share about how she layered on self-care during the last few weeks before baby. I LOVED that idea. Those final weeks can feel so long and uncomfortable. I determined that I was going to make the most of them, too.
Here are some ways I like to pre-game my self-care:
Go get or give myself a mani/pedi
Get out alone
Nap as much as possible
Schedule mama dates with a couple good friends
Take long baths
Get a pre-natal massage and/or go to the chiro
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or expensive. Just those little extras that will be difficult to do once a newborn arrives.
Cozi-fying our bedroom
I’m creating a tea/coffee/snack station out of a coffee table we have in our room. You could set up a simple bar cart or even use a dresser for this. I’m getting clear trays to protect surfaces and keep everything organized. I’m planning to have a French press, electric kettle and frother. I have baskets for my teas, coffee, drink ingredients and nutrient dense snacks.
A sweet friend gifted me a small refrigerator she no longer needed and I’ve been doing a happy dance ever since. It’s going to be in our bedroom to the left of the coffee table. I’ll stock creamer, Daydream Dessert, special drinks, quick snacks, and any tonics and refrigerated supplements in there for easy access. Have I mentioned how excited I am for this!?
We replaced old, leaky shower heads, a broken vent/fan and I got a new, cozy bath rug.
I’m getting a tray for my bedside table for the daily re-fuels of healing drinks, foods, supplements, etc.
I got an under the bed wire basket to keep all the baby things close at hand. I plan to use our bed as the changing station so that I don’t have to go anywhere.
I got a small basket for nursing supplies to keep beside my bed and one for the back of the toilet to keep all my immediate postpartum supplies.
We’re moving the TV into our room, what can I say. Watching HGTV and Food Network PLUS all the Christmas movies during those long newborn nursing sessions sounds amazing.
Setting Up Help Where I Need It
My mom, bless her and thank the Lord for her, comes for a few weeks when I have my babies. It’s amazing and I will be forever grateful for the HUGE part she’s played in my postpartum recoveries. If you don’t have a close family member who is able to come, definitely check into hiring a postpartum doula. I realize this is an extra expense, but even if you only have that one-on-one help for the first couple of weeks, it will make an immense difference.
I have asked our babysitters to come once a week for an afternoon for the foreseeable future. I might double that after the holidays and my mom is gone and my husband is back at work. I plan to use this time to nap with baby, sneak in a bath or long shower, basically for #soulmindbodyselfcare.
I’ve found a house cleaning company and plan to have them come at least once a month, possibly more for a little while. They’ve already done a deep clean and it was the first time my house has been clean all at once in…forever. It was so nice. I rest best in tidy, calm surroundings. Since I know this about myself (and know that I will otherwise be tempted to be cleaning when I should be resting), this is a needed act of self-care.
I’m setting up a few meal delivery services (and getting a deep freezer for the garage). I like Hungry Root and I’m going to try Daily Harvest and Splendid Spoon. None of these are sponsored. And I’ll let you know how I like them after I’ve tried them this time. I’m thrilled to have options for clean, healthy, healing foods that will be quick to prepare, especially once I’m flying solo during the days.
I have all my essentials on subscription so that they come right to my door. Then I don’t have to remember to order something I need/use regularly in those blurry newborn days. This includes: diapers/wipes, household supplies, needed supplements, our CSA box, etc.
Taking a Baby Sleep Course
My first baby was an average sleeper. My second was not a sleeper unless she was attached to me. My third was a total dream baby/fluke, the best sleeper ever and I am spoiled. I’m not expecting a repeat, ha, so I’m preparing by taking a baby sleep course.
I’ve never been a proponent of sleep training. I like to have my babies with me for the first six months at least and then in our room (or large walk-in closet) for as long as needed. I also don’t want to jeopardize my milk supply by night weaning early.
So, I’m currently working my way through Taking Cara Babies First Five Months Bundle. So far it seems to be a very gentle approach and breast-feeding friendly. So reassuring and easy to follow while also opening my eyes to some missteps I made with my second born who did not want to sleep unless attached to me.
Whatever kind of sleeper this fourth babe is, I will feel a lot more at ease knowing I have a ton of sleep tools to employ if/when needed. I’ll let you know how it goes after I’ve had ample time to apply what I’m learning.
Planning to Take the Full 4th Trimester Off
This is so, so important. Our society has led us to believe that postpartum is just the first 6 weeks post-baby.
Nope.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Certainly those first six weeks are integral, but observing the full 4th Trimester (those first 12 weeks) is key to long term recovery, healing and adjustment as mothers. And it shouldn’t end there. My mom has always said, it took 9 months to grow the baby, give yourself at least 9 months to recover, heal and adjust. Amen! And, personally, I always start feeling more like myself closer to the 12-16 month mark.
I take the full 4th Trimester off by:
Not putting any pressure on myself to work out or “get my body back,” even once I’m technically cleared to do so. I do TVA/deep core breathing exercises, walks and maybe some gentle stretching. That’s it. Even beyond those 12 weeks, I really listen to my body. Intense work outs right out of the gate can really tax the adrenals, especially if you haven’t replenished your stores, balanced your hormones and if you’re not getting adequate restorative sleep.
Not planning anything. Seriously. I don’t plan anything. Especially for the first month, but even the second two months, I don’t schedule regular events or play dates or anything that would take us out of the house unless we feel up to it. The big idea is: nothing on the calendar or my to do list beyond taking care of myself and my babies for those first 12 weeks.
I’m going to be pulling back here and on Instagram and the podcast and my email list. Basically taking maternity leave, but coming and going as I feel up to it. I don’t have any hard and fast goals. No pressure to show up or produce. I love what I share through Soul Mind Body Selfcare, it’s part of who I am, but I really want to take the 4th Trimester to tune in, do some learning (courses and books, etc), rest my mind and allow my inspiration to be refreshed.
Also, a little note:once postpartum, always postpartum. We can’t really put a time frame on postpartum recovery. If you didn’t have a good postpartum season with your baby(ies), whether it was a year ago or ten years ago – it’s not too late! It’s never too late to start caring for yourself. Start now, start today with your recovery, healing and adjusting. You can still apply many of the things I’m sharing in this article. At some point, I will also be talking about what I do later in the postpartum to continue the wave of recovery, healing and adjusting.
Specific Items I’m Prepping + Stocking for Postpartum
What I’m Prepping + Stocking for Right After Birth + Early Postpartum
A first meal. Whether it’s in the crockpot or freezer so it can be quickly warmed, I love to have something that is protein and carb heavy. My last two babies I’ve had a lasagna/pasta dish as my first meal and it just tasted so good. My first baby I had saltine crackers because the hospital cafeteria wasn’t open at 2am. Bleh.
Earth Mama Herbal sitz bath.I have an actual sitz bath for my toilet, but you can also sit in a shallow tub of water or add a larger amount of herbs if you prefer a full soak. Side note: this is also lovely for mama/baby bonding and (clear with your provider), but I soak with my babies even before their umbilical cord stump falls off, the herbs are so healing and soothing.
Earth Mama perineal spray. I swear by this stuff. I get 2-3 bottles. It’s so healing without any yucky chemicals.
Gaia Herbs natural laxative. Trying this out this time. I wanted something natural and gentle, but I definitely need laxative help in those first few weeks.
Items I’m Stocking Specifically for Breastfeeding:
A latch assist – new to me – and I’m actually using this now to prepare. My midwife said it’s best to start using it around 33-34 weeks so it does take a little forethought.
Nipple shield for the first week or so, until we establish a solid latch.
Medela Breast shells to keep the bra pads from sticking and allow the air to circulate around the nipple between feedings – new to me but I’m willing to try anything that makes those first weeks easier.
La Vie Lactation Massager for plugged ducts. Also new to me, but I had the worst time with plugged ducts with my last baby. I’m going to be addressing that in other ways this time as well, but want to have this on hand, too.
Haakaa silicone manual breast pump for catching let downs and middle of the night pump seshs in those early weeks when my milk comes in. A few notes: I have always used the Medela Harmony Manual Breast Pump and really like it. I’m intrigued by the Haakaa because it has less parts to keep clean and uses suction which will be amazing if it actually works for me. I’ve never used an electric pump. I don’t try to build a stash. I’ll maybe end up with 6-8 bags of milk in the freezer from those first weeks while my milk is regulating. I keep those on hand for when the kids or my husband want to help feed the baby or if I’m out a bit past nursing time at some point in those first months. But I find it’s easier to simply nurse and not worry about pumping or building a stash. I know not every mama can take that approach, but that’s been my story.
I make a simple saline soak to soothe cracked or irritated nipples. I’ve used this method the last two babies and it really works to heal up nipples quickly.
What Herbs/Supplements/Foods/Drinks I’m Stocking for Postpartum:
Tonics/Teas/Herbs:
Loose leaf teas – Stinging Nettle Leaf, Red Raspberry Leaf, Dandelion Root and Lemon Balm. I love Mountain Rose Herbs to purchase these.
Milk Moon – I’m getting their postpartum restorative tonic
I will continue taking an adrenal tonic my midwife has give me, herbs to support my varicose veins (thankfully they begin to clear up in those early weeks!) and keepmy homemade elderberry and echinacea tincture close at hand to keep my immune system strong.
Supplements:
ProgestPure– I was taking this natural progesterone supplement when I got pregnant and have been taking it through out my pregnancy. My cycle always returns ridiculously early, like 2-3 months pp, even though I nurse on demand. My midwife said that can sometimes be caused by low progesterone, so this time I’m going to be supplementing.
Quicksilver Methylated Liquid B complex – I am most excited about this one (if you can be excited about a supplement, ha) because I’ve never taken a B Complex during postpartum. I am so curious to see if it helps with low energy as well as postpartum hair loss.
Grass-fed beef liver capsules, so amazing for boosting iron and B12 and supporting energy levels and overall well being.
Of course, I’ll also have my wellness arsenal stocked, too. Especially since this early postpartum season will be in the colder months.
Foods:
High quality bone broth for sipping and soup-making Organic, local raw dairy – milk, cream, yogurt, kefir, etc Citrus anything and everything Root veggies and especially beets (TMI but they help me go!) Ginger, turmeric, garlic Day Dream Desserts
Drinks:
Ingredients for smoothies (drinking at room temp to keep my body warm to promote healthy circulation and healing) Golden Milk paste for healing golden milk lattes Foursigmatic hot cocoa with reishi Live kombucha soda for that fiz with probiotics
Prepare as much beforehand as you possibly can. A good postpartum season isn’t going to just happen, you have to plan for it. BUT. If you are reading this while postpartum and feeling discouraged, don’t be! Start right where you are with what you have. Identify your top three needs and brainstorm with your husband how you can practically meet those needs ASAP.
Set clear boundaries with family/friends who might want to visit. Designate a gate keeper at the hospital and/or at home. Put a sign on the front door saying “Mama and baby are resting, thanks for stopping by, we will be in touch soon,” or something to that affect. Communicate your desires clearly with your husband and anyone else who will be caring for you. Decide how much time you need undisturbed (one day? one week? one month?) If people want to bring food or gifts, tell them thank you and to please leave it on the door step unless you are up for visiting. If people do come in for a visit, have a list of things that need to be done so that when they ask how they can help, you don’t have to think. Above all, do what you need to do in order to prioritize your recovery and bonding with baby. Be kind but firm. Don’t be afraid to say no. You don’t owe anyone anything.
A few more…
Have a plan to focus on replenishing nutrients, balancing hormones and adequately support your adrenals.
Keep the lymphatic and detox systems moving/working with: castor oil packs, dry brushing, acupuncture, sauna, chiro, massage, etc. Have care providers and contact info ready to go and appointments established/scheduled if you are able.
Nancy Anderson’s Ab Rehab and TVA breathing exercises. See a pelvic floor specialist if you have persistent issues. Better to take care of things early on, but even years postpartum you can heal!
Even after nursing babies for 60 months collectively (WHAT?!), I still feel like a novice. Especially when it comes to nursing newborns. I like to say, I’m great at nursing toddlers, but I suck at nursing newborns. Ha. When they’re totally dependent, don’t know what the heck they’re doing (feeling the same, babes, feeling the same), need you to support their body completely while you’re sleep deprived and exhausted… It’s just a lot.
So, my #1 tip would be to be prepared and have plenty of support. Gather all your resources, stock all your supplies and line up any help you might need. Breastfeeding is natural, but it might not come naturally. It will probably take several weeks of adjustment (especially if it’s your first) and a whole lot of perseverance, hard work and dedication. It’s both the hardest and most beautiful thing I’ve ever done apart from giving birth and raising my kiddos.
Bonus tips:
Every time we have a baby, I put together what I call the big sister/big brother bag for the older sibling(s). We pull it out after the baby is born and tell them it’s our celebration of baby arriving. It makes them feel special and thought of and makes baby’s arrival fun. It helps ease the transition a little. This time I think we’re also going to get balloons and cupcakes to really do it up. Make it a birth-day party.
I put items in the bag that will help entertain the kiddos while I recover. This time I’m putting in a ton of new Christmas books, their Christmas pajamas, a washable coloring mat from The Modern Cloth with washable markers, Christmas mugs, new mini ornaments so they can decorate their tree, etc.
I like to have any info for newborn care (even after three babies, each newborn season always feels like the first time) and any appointments that need to be scheduled for me or the baby in those early weeks ready to go. It’s hard to make decisions in those early days/weeks when you’re sleep deprived. I don’t want to have to remember what to do if my baby is crying and won’t stop or who I need to call to schedule that first chiro apt, etc. I keep everything in a folder for easy access and stock any homeopathies or other remedies I might need.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
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We all begin our self-care journey somewhere. It’s like a lot of things in life: you might not recognize where you began – what paradigm shift or pivotal moment brought you to the starting line. But years down the road you’ll look back and go “ahhhh, that was it. The beginning.”
That was certainly true for me. I didn’t even know I was on a self-care journey until I was five years in. Looking back I can clearly see each paradigm shift.
Me with my first son. After a very long labor + traumatic birth. So in love but completely + totally overwhelmed in every way.
I didn’t know anything about self-care until after I had my first son in 2013. I had come off several stressful years in my late teens and early twenties, earning my bachelors, working two jobs, putting myself through an intense master program, getting married and having a baby in quick succession. It was a lot of stress (even though a lot of it was obviously good!) and not a lot of recovery time. I remember feeling like I was getting sick one fall while I was deep in the trenches of earning my masters. I told myself I didn’t have time and I just kept pushing forward. That’s just one example of many.
Add to that: I didn’t know how to care for myself even if I’d wanted to. Period. I didn’t know what that looked like. I treated my soul, mind and body like a machine: they did what I told it to and that meant I never really stopped.
Even after my son was born, I didn’t stop. I was up and around just a couple days after a very long, intense and traumatic birth. The midwife was horrified. I remember going to Target, my newborn in a moby wrap, way too soon because I just thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Get back to life, get back to normal.
Oh, man. I could write a book, just on that. How as a society we have lost the beautiful, vulnerable, necessary healing time that is postpartum. I had no clue. No clue what a healing postpartum season looked like. No clue that there was no getting back to my old “normal.” No clue that I had nothing to prove, no one to impress, by pushing myself too hard, too fast.
In fact, it wasn’t until I was around 15 months postpartum that everything began to catch up with me. I was still breastfeeding, had suffered an early miscarriage and my husband was away for six months going through training for a new job that would move us to the other side of the country.
It slowly starting dawning on me that: caring for my baby was only part of the motherhood equation; the other part was learning how to care for myself as well.
This was my first big, paradigm shift. The beginning of my self-care journey. I wasn’t well physically, emotionally or mentally. Our of sheer necessity, I found myself at a naturopath, trying to figure out why I felt like I was falling apart. During the two hour intake session, I ended up sharing things I’d never shared with anyone. I realized then I probably should have been in therapy long before. It was the beginning for me.
Paradigm Shift #2: A Slow Awakening
Me with my daughter. After a very emotionally charged labor and beautiful, birth center birth. I was exhausted on every level. Our postpartum season was good but way too short.
After seeing that first naturopath, I took baby steps towards addressing some physical issues I was experiencing. Skin issues, hair loss, inability to concentrate, wired but tired, prone to depression…so many things pointed to the fact my adrenals were shot. What I couldn’t know at the time was that this was only the tip of the iceberg.
I did start to feel some micro improvements, but I still didn’t have any clue what self-care was or the depth to which I needed it. I did what I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Which is all anyone can do, which is why this is called a journey.
Fast forward to six months postpartum with my daughter at the beginning of 2016. I had been through a super stressful year prior. We had moved across country for my husband’s new job, away from family. We had been through house hunting, found a place and had been working non-stop to fix it up. All while my husband worked 12 hour days and I managed the renovations. Add to that: pregnancy, wrangling a toddler, an emotionally intense delivery, extended family issues…
That time still blurs together. I was overwhelmed, stressed, not sleeping, and I still hadn’t learned what I needed to thrive, how to meet my own needs or how to ask for help. Before I had become pregnant with my daughter, I had been writing my heart out, building a blog, and an email list and I literally hit “delete” on all of it. Just like I had hit delete on all the parts of life that made me…well, me.
I hit rock bottom. I found myself at my parents for a few weeks and, for the first time, I was able to rest, to sit back while my children were cared for by others and actually see them, see myself, have space to think. That’s when I realized again that I needed help.
I found a naturopath in our new area and dove deeper into functional medicine. I still went into my first appointment with a shotgun approach, not really knowing what to ask for or what was priority. Once again I took baby steps towards caring for my physical body. I was diagnosed with candida and got on a regime to treat that. I did a Whole 30 and learned so much about eating whole foods, reading labels and how to cook a lot more things from scratch. Through that whole process I discovered my body [and my skin! It completely cleared up] did so much better without conventional dairy.
Addressing the physical was good. It brought me to a place where I could actually start thinking about what I required to thrive. How I should care for myself. What I needed most. It helped clear some of the brain fog and the nagging physical symptoms that distracted me from working on deeper issues.
The clearer mind brought me to counseling and starting to do the hard work of setting healthy boundaries. I am not by nature a strong willed person, but I became strong willed when it came to my own self-care. I learned the importance of saying no, of prioritizing myself and my family over what others thought or wanted. I realized I had to stop playing the martyr. No one could read my mind. I had to get to know myself better, understand what made me thrive, and learn to meet those needs and how to communicate them. I had to take responsibility for caring for myself.
I began practicing yoga and I fell in love with how it married movement and breath and brought restoration to not just my physical health, but my my mental health as well. I’ve been practicing yoga for almost five years now and nothing helps me feel more at home in my body or my mind faster.
Around the same time I started yoga, I embarked on a mission to not just organize our home, but completely declutter it. Get rid of everything that we didn’t love or use. Of course, my mission wasn’t quite that clear at first. I just knew that too much stuff overwhelmed me and I was tired of trying to organize it only to turn around and find it a jumbled mess two minutes later. So I started decluttering, space by space. Month by month. It’s been a journey in and of it’s self. A long learning process. Like peeling away the layers of an onion. But, truly, decluttering our home, our schedule, my expectations, my brain, everything has been a huge game changer in my self-care journey.
Paradigm Shift #3: Starting to Share My Journey
Me with my third baby, our second boy. Having him felt like coming home. He brought healing that I didn’t know I needed, on levels I didn’t know existed.
The spring my third baby was born was one of the most beautiful seasons of our life for so many reasons. We had just finished a long, arduous process of selling our house, moving to a new town, living in a rental paying double payments, battling lots of sickness (I was sick for two solid weeks before my son was born, coughing until my ribs ached, sleeping sitting straight up in bed at 9 months pregnant, ha).
My son was born, my first successful home waterbirth. It was quick and intense and beautiful. He was perfect and so was our postpartum experience thanks to all the many lessons I had learned and my mom and my husband caring for me, the kids and the house so seamlessly. I spent the first two weeks in bed with my baby and gave myself a full 12 weeks before I started any exercise beyond walking. I let my body heal and didn’t try to rush. It felt so freeing. We finally sold our house and found a new house. The cherry on top was that the baby was our best sleeper yet. It all felt like such a gift.
When my third was about nine months old, I started intentionally sharing my self-care journey on Instagram. The more I shared, the more I heard from other mamas how desperately they craved self-care but didn’t know what it looked like or how to implement it. So, I kept sharing everything I had learned and was learning and one day Soul Mind Body Selfcare was born. A few months later I started this blog so I could have a place to write that gave me more space than an Instagram caption. I’ve slowly, steadily grown my mama tribe and hope to continue growing.
Paradigm Shift #4: Self-Care Isn’t Just the Feel Good Stuff
Nursing my sweet third born for the last time. I was about to start some intensive protocols to heal my gut. I also knew deep down my body needed a good, long break.
A series of comprehensive tests revealed/confirmed I had borderline Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, multiple food sensitivities, leaky gut and two different gut infections. I went on a strict elimination diet for two months, cutting out several reactive foods including coffee, alcohol, eggs, yeast and gluten. I followed several different protocols to heal my leaky gut, detox my liver, support my adrenals and get rid of my gut infections. In order to do the protocols for the gut infections, I needed to wean my third baby at 16 months. Which isn’t early by any means, but he could have kept going and it made me sad not to be able to nurse him for as long as he wanted.
But sometimes self-care looks like sacrifice. During the fall and winter of 2019 I really ramped up my self-care on all the levels. I started meditating, dry brushing, visiting the sauna, using a castor oil pack, utilizing adaptogens, practicing moon cycling, getting massage, taking regular detox baths. You name it, I was doing it. We started trying for another baby and I wanted to be as healthy and strong as possible.
Of course, in January I (along with all the family) got the horrible flu that was going around. It set me way back. I didn’t feel like myself for weeks and was still dealing with lung congestion, low energy and relapses a month later. A month after that I experienced hair loss due to the stress of the sickness. Which is just amazing…I don’t even want to know what it would have done to my body if I hadn’t already been so focused on my health and self-care on every level.
A few weeks after that, in mid-March of 2020, we found out I was expecting. Not exactly how I’d hoped to step into a new pregnancy. And it so happened to be the same week of the full moon, day light savings and when all of the Covid-19 stuff hit the fan. It was an intense time on a spiritual, emotional and mental level…let alone on the physical level.
All the lessons I had learned over the previous 8 years came full circle. It felt a little like ground zero once again. Where the rubber meets the road. Almost like a new beginning of some sort. I’m still navigating it. Because this is a journey. There’s no finish line in this life and that’s okay. The beauty and growth and transformation is in the process.
To recap, here are four big lessons I’ve learned so far on my self-care journey:
Big Lesson #1:
Addressing the physical is so necessary and might need to happen first before you can think about anything else. Healing physically will bring you to a place where you can actually start thinking about healing emotionally and mentally and deciding exactly what you require to thrive.
Big Lesson #2:
Setting boundaries is key. You have to learn to say no. You have to learn to make yourself and your immediate family priority over anything and everyone else.
Big Lesson #3:
On that note: stop playing the martyr. No one can read your mind. No one is going to magically meet your needs without you asking. Ultimately you have to take responsibility for caring for yourself. Determine what you need to thrive and then meet your needs or communicate them clearly to those who can.
Big Lesson #4:
One step at a time. One day at a time. Nothing worthwhile happens over night. It’s called a journey for a reason. There’s no medal for the first person across the finish line because there is no finish line. At least not in this world. What matters is that you are learning and growing and moving forward one step at a time.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
Self-care has never been more important. The harder the times, the tighter the squeeze, the higher the pressure – the more we need #soulmindbodyselfcare.
Now is not the time to skimp on caring for ourselves. But I know, mama, you might be asking: how??? How do I layer on the self-care when I have my kids with me all day.
Luckily, I’ve spent the last several years dialing down on this. I’ve got three babies (+ a fourth on the way!) at home with me every day, and I have learned how to care for myself in consistent, tangible, life-changing ways. It can be done.
So, let’s dive into 6 ways you can care for yourself with littles at home…
1.) Think in 5-10 minute increments sprinkled throughout the day.
Maybe you’re used to working with larger chunks of time. I know I’ve been used to getting out every Saturday for several hours alone and that’s not really happening right now. It’s been an adjustment, but I’ve just added in several more pockets of self-care into my days.
So, instead of thinking you need two consecutive hours alone, take that two hours and break it down into 5-10 minute increments you sprinkle throughout your day.
Here are some of mine:
My morning skincare routine (5 minutes) Making and drinking a warm drink (10 minutes) Sitting in the sunshine while the kids play (10 minutes) Yoga or a HIIT workout (10 minutes, 2 x’s a day) Brain dump (5 minutes) Read a chapter (5 minutes)
Bonus: by approaching self-care in this way, you’ll effectively log way more time caring for yourself on a day-to-day basis than you would trying to fit in big chunks of time every once in a while. A little goes a long way.
2.) Ask your husband for help.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but I think it’s probably the most underutilized. I know it was for me for years. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I thought asking for help meant I was failing. I also thought that if I had to ask for help, spell it out, maybe my husband didn’t really care for me.
After 8 years of marriage and almost as many of motherhood, I’ve learned that asking for help is necessary to my well-being and the well-being of my family. I’ve learned that just because I ask for help doesn’t mean I’m failing. In fact, it shows I’m growing and learning and that I’m strong enough to admit I can’t do everything on my own. I’ve learned that (news flash) men and women are wired differently. Just because your husband doesn’t jump in and do things before you ask doesn’t mean he doesn’t care; it means he’s human and he can’t read your mind.
Remember: ask your husband for help and ask often. It’s okay to spell out what you need! I think most men appreciate not being left to guess at details. Be calm, be clear and tell him how thankful you are for his help. Over time, he’ll adjust to the rhythms, too, and I think you’ll find him jumping in without being asked. At this point in marriage and parenthood, my husband and I are more of a team than ever. We tag team through the days: I’ll cook and he does the dishes. I wrangle kiddos in the morning, he’ll take over bath time.
Bonus: don’t just stop with your husband. Ask your mom for help, your mother-in-law, your sister, a close friend. And delegate to grocery delivery or pick up services, take out on the rough days, anything that can automate extra tasks. Get creative. Determine what you need and find the help to make it happen. No martyr mentality allowed!
Creating your daily, weekly + self-care rhythms will help everything flow smoother. Rhythms create structure without suffocating, provide framework while retaining lots of flexibility.
Here’s a peek at our daily rhythms:
Morning rituals – slow breakfast, going out front to sit in the sun, run and play and water our plants, and free play inside ( I usually tell them to find something creative to do)
Do at least 1 load of laundry to completion, clean 1 space – the kids help me fold and put away laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum, tidy their room and the house when needed. I usually concentrate on decluttering or cleaning one space each day.
Morning basket and concentrated learning time for an hour or so.
Outside or free play for a couple of hours.
Lunch time around noon.
Quiet time/nap time – usually from 1:30-3:30. This is when I fit in more concentrated self-care.
One of the big things reflected in our daily rhythms is a back and forth type pattern. I saw someone use the term “inchworm” the other day. It’s this idea of doing something together (morning basket), then letting the kiddos do something on their own (free play) and back + forth like that. Of course I’m always there to provide supervision and direction when needed, but I’m not dictating every moment of every day.
Nor should we, mama! We are not responsible for the 24/7 entertainment of our children. I think this might be where a lot of disconnect happens between motherhood and self-care. Our kids don’t need us hovering, providing constant diversion, filling up every spare moment with activity. No! Mama, we need that extra energy, those spare moments to use in caring for ourselves.
Let the kiddos go, let them free play while you make and sip a warm drink, while you sit and journal or do a brain dump, while you do a work out video, while you read a chapter from a book, while you catch up on some nagging housework (#thisisselfcare).
Bonus: Once you work your way through this blog post, take #3 (establishing daily rhythms) and #6 (creating a daily self-care plan) and marry them together.
For example, I take the following list of self-care items and fit them in around our daily rhythms:
Morning skincare routine
Make and sip a warm drink
Move for 10-15 minutes
Read, nap, write, watch a show, lay out in the sun at quiet time
Soak in a detox bath
4.) Institute a daily quiet time.
I could not thrive in motherhood without this consistent break in the middle of the day. We usually have ours from 1:30-3:30pm and that gives me a larger chunk of time to practice self-care. I’ll do a yoga flow, take a shower, take a nap, lay out in the sunshine, read, watch a show, take care of nagging tasks, paint my nails, declutter something, etc.
My youngest naps, but my oldest two either play quietly or read books. I usually separate them and put my oldest at the dining room table playing legos and my middle one in her bed with quiet toys and books.
We have practiced this rhythm for a long time and it hasn’t always been easy. In fact, we still have our rough days. But it’s one of the few lines I’ve drawn in the sand because I firmly believe that we all need that break. They need down time for their little bodies and brains, I need down time for my sanity + #soulmindbodyselfcare, and we all need space from each other or we start to go a little crazy. So, don’t give up if it doesn’t work out seamlessly the first day or even the 30th day. Truly. It’s worth it.
Bonus: here are a few tips for a successful quiet time…
1.) Ease into it, starting with 30 minutes and working your way up to the full two hours over the course of a week or so.
2.) Remove yourself, mama. Send yourself back to your room, close the door and rest. Take a bath. Crawl into bed. Read a book. Do some yoga. But don’t stay out in the common area where you can hear every little sound or where they can easily access you. I tell my kids they can’t come into my room unless someone is bleeding or dying. Ha.
3) Stand your ground. Be firm. Explain the reason for quiet time and enforce consequences. Don’t give up. Eventually they will get it, even if it doesn’t look perfect.
5.) Practice self-care WITH them.
Whether you’ve grown into having kids at home or it’s been thrust on you overnight, learning to care for yourself while at the same time caring for the little people in your life is going to take time. It’s going to take re-adjusting. It’s going to take flexibility. And it’s going to take lots of grace.
Here’s an example: if you’ve been used to going to the gym and you miss your hour long, uninterrupted workouts, it’s going to take a little while to adjust to working out at home with littles. Maybe you already have? But if you can’t find that hour chunk of time in your day and you’re really missing it, try moving WITH your kids. Do a workout video on the back porch while they play, go for a walk or jog with the kids and intersperse sets of pushups, sit ups or sprints, turn on a yoga video in the living room and invite them to do it with you.
Other ideas for practicing self-care with kids:
Involve your kiddos in making a delicious lunch or an after-dinner treat.
Lay out and soak up some vitamin D while the kiddos play in the backyard. Bring your book and iced tea!
Lay on the couch and watch a family friendly show. Pop popcorn, bring all the blankets.
Bonus: If you crave alone time while you work out (or while you do any particular item of self-care), save it for quiet time. When the kids are settled, turn on that workout video, do a long yoga flow, or get out on a solo walk/jog while your husband holds down the fort. It’s necessary and good to be alone.
6.) Make your self-care plan the night before.
It helps so much to have a plan and it helps so much to have that plan written down before a new day starts.
First, after you’re cozy in bed for the night, pull out a notebook and pen. Second, take a minute and determine your top 3 self-care items for the next day. What do you need the most? Write those down. It doesn’t have to be just three, but I’ve found three to be a manageable start. Finally, determine where those self-care items are going to fit into your day. Schedule them in.
Are you craving extra time to get dressed and do your hair and makeup? Then make sure to plan accordingly and get up a little bit earlier. Do you love to cook and want to spend time solo in the kitchen with a cocktail and some music playing? Make it happen at lunch time if that works better than cramping the bedtime routine. If your husband is at home, see if he can wrangle the kids or simply send them out to play.
Bonus: if you’d like more help creating a self-care routine, check out this post.
Here are some of my favorite tips for keeping the kiddos happy when you need some peace:
Tip #1: Room time or outside time.
Institute “room time” when you need to concentrate on someone/something else. For toddlers, make it fun, put up the baby gate, make sure the room is kid proof (as much as humanly possible 😆) and set a timer. That way the toddler is contained + safe and you have a little peace of mind + focus. If your children are older, tell them they can play with the door closed, set the timer if it helps.
Have set time(s) every day you send the kids outside to play. This way the kids know to expect it and you can count on that time to practice self-care and get some things done. I like to leave a window open so I can hear what’s going on outside while going about my business.
Don’t fear the screens, mama. They can be super useful and amazing tools. Designate a favorite show or kid friendly app for times you need to nurse/care for the baby, make a phone call, practice self-care or do anything that requires undivided attention.
Favorite Shows: Word World, the original Magic School Bus, SuperBook, Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers, Duck Tales
Favorite Apps: Joy Doodle, Little Writer and the YouVersion Bible app for Kids. We’re also trying out ABC Mouse and the kids really love it so far.
Tip #3: Limit the toys.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but it really works. Kids tend to play better with fewer choices. Divide the toys in half (or so) and put one half in the garage or up in the closet in storage. Also, now might be a good time to declutter/purge any toys that are broken, missing parts or aren’t being used regularly.
You can rotate the divided toys whenever you want. We usually rotate every month or so. And sometimes I put a lot more than half up. My rule when deciding how much to keep down is: do I want to bend over and pick that up or supervise the clean up? If I don’t, then it goes up or goes away. Any time I feel overwhelmed by messes, I know the toys need to be reduced.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
November is synonymous with thankfulness. And this year (perhaps as I’m getting older), I feel such a deep gratitude. For every moment, every day with the ones that I love. It’s all a gift. I don’t want to take it for granted. And I don’t want to neglect saying it out loud, acting on it, letting the truth of it transform me.
So, I set an intention for the month of November, to be purposeful about expressing my gratitude. As a way to give feet to my words (or wings?). So it’s more than just a sentiment.
Here’s how I’m walking my intention out:
I start the day with this Psalms of Gratitude study. Of course, you don’t need to get the study and I’m not getting paid to promote it, but it’s been wonderful food for my soul in this season. It’s simple but significant. It’s been a wonderful way to focus my mind before the day begins.
Usually I’ll turn on the fire place, make my warm lemon water and sit down with the study. A wonderful dose of truth right when I need it. Perhaps morning is the best time for you, too? To carve out a little quiet time + soak your heart in God’s truth + tune your mind to thankfulness? Like I said, you don’t need any particular study. Perhaps read + pray through these verses or do a word study on thankfulness or just start keeping a running list of your praises.
I record the things I’m thankful for (big + little). I’ve been using the journal pages in my study to make my lists each day. Sometimes I’ll use the Notes app on my phone. Sometimes I write them out in a caption on Instagram. Another great idea is just to have a piece of paper or a notebook open on the kitchen counter with a pen ready to record what comes to mind in odd moments throughout the day.
I guess the whole point is just to keep your thankful list front and center. To be consistent about recording what your thankful for. I know that if I have a page of things I’m thankful for staring at me, it’s a lot harder to get upset about the little things.
And I know that you might not just be dealing with little things. Maybe there are some big things going on in your life. Hard things. Difficult things. And making a thankful list isn’t to trivialize that…but hopefully to shine some light in the darkness. God is there. He hasn’t left you.
I purpose to give thanks before every meal. I’m horrible at this. It seems so simple, I grew up doing it, yet I forget far too often. In the rush to get everyone fed + happy, food on all the plates, drinks to quench their thirst, and don’t forget about yourself, mama! Feeding yourself is just as important. But I forget to say thanks. Sometimes my daughter will remind me and I feel a pang of guilt.
God sees our hearts, he’s not keeping score. But I still want to remember to pause, take a breath in the chaos of meal time and tell Him thank you. Thank you that we are together. That we have food to give our children, food to nourish our bodies. Thank You that You are with us even when we neglect to acknowledge that You are. Forgive me, Jesus, and help me to acknowledge your presence more consistently.
I verbalize to my husband and children why I am thankful for them. So often these thoughts get stuck in my head and never make their way to my tongue. Other thoughts do. Mostly critical ones. And I want to change that. Instead of speaking criticism, I want to speak thankfulness. I want to build up and recharge and fill the person in front of me.
So I’ve started saying out loud things I’m thankful for about that person, to that person. It changes the dynamic of everything. It changes my heart. It shifts the presence in the room and brightens the eyes. I want to do it more, as much as I can.
How about you, mama? As we step into this holiday season? Now with November half over, we don’t have to consign thankfulness to just one month. Let’s step into every new month, every new day with this heart, this attitude that every moment is a gift. Let’s let our lives be woven through with thankfulness.
Speaking gratitude, giving feet to our thankfulness, this is #soulmindbodyselfcare. It’s foundational. If our hearts are content and brimming with gratitude, then our bodies are going to reflect that. And our minds will conform to that.
What are you thankful for? Won’t you list out a few things in the comments?
This post is the first in our #selfcareis series. If you’re new here and not sure where to start, how about reading my self-care story and then jumping on my email list by grabbing My Top 10 Self-care Tips for FREE. I promise I’ll never spam you, mama. My heart is to help you care for yourself well.
I rocked in place while my little girl nursed. Her eyes started to close, her lashes brushing her chubby cheeks. Finally she relaxed against me and I laid her in her crib, held my breath.
Getting my daughter to nap was always a precarious operation. Getting her to sleep period was precarious. And often unsuccessful. But it appeared I might actually get some alone time that afternoon. My three year old son was already napping in the other room. I was hopeful. I needed that time so badly after a crazy morning and a sleepless night.
She was asleep. Somehow the stars had aligned. The house was quiet as I tip toed out, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me.
Ahhhhh… But then I was faced with the question that I almost dreaded more than the afternoons when neither of my babies slept:
“What do I do now?”
It was paralyzing. Wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time. Do I sit and stare at the wall? Fold laundry? Update the budget, pay bills, finish dishes? Do I work out? Take a nap? Watch TV, scroll Insta or both?
Can any mamas out there relate? Have you asked yourself that question, too? Felt just as paralyzed?
What I’ve learned and what I wish I would have known then is that I was asking the wrong question. It’s overwhelming to ask “What do I do now?” And, for me at least, my hyper sense of responsibility would kick in and that question would become, “What do I have to do now?”
Naptime does sometimes have to be spent getting things done. And that in and of itself is self-care. Taking care of business so it’s not nagging or weighing on us.
But I often made non-urgent tasks urgent and lost the chance to fill my cup during those quiet moments.
When my third baby was born, I started asking myself a different question. I like to call it the “magic” question:
“What do I NEED right now?”
This question changes everything. It removes the overwhelm and the hyper sense of responsibility and it gives you the chance to put self-care into action.
What do you need? Right now, in this moment? You may need to:
sleep. And if you do, by all means, sleep, mama
sit on the back porch with your face to the sun
do some gentle yoga, or even a 15 minute HIIT workout
paint your nails
fix yourself a salad
read a book you’ve been wanting to read
do a face mask
walk around the backyard
eat that square of dark chocolate that’s been calling your name
Only you know what you need. So, when you can, as often as you can, at naptime:
Set aside all you HAVE to do and do what you NEED instead.
I just tip toed out of my daughter’s room, being careful not to let the door click shut behind me. She’s three years old now and getting her to sleep at nap time is still precarious. Before I became a parent I always swore I’d never lay down with one of my children to get them to sleep…but I lay down with my daughter at nap time sometimes, just in the hopes that I will get some precious time alone.
And then I ask myself the magic question: what do I need right now?
Oh, what a difference from the question I used to ask myself after tip toeing out of her room.
Today I need to write. Putting the written world out there for the world to read is part of my self-care. I also need to hydrate and soak up some vitamin D, so I’m going to sign off in just a minute to do both those things.
How about you, mama? If you get those precious moments of quiet today, will you promise me to ask yourself what you need?
I don’t call it the magic question for nothing. It’s changed everything for me and I know it will for you, too.
Let’s care for ourselves,
Hannah
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P.P.S. Read my response to the popular advice “sleep while the baby sleeps” right here.
