To me this simply meant that I wanted a predictable flow to my days (some stability), but that I didn’t want to be disappointed if things didn’t go exactly how I planned (which was often). I’m an all or nothing girl by nature, and when I set my mind on something, it’s sometimes hard for me to pivot.
Having a rhythms not routines mentality is my way of keeping my expectations in check. And with four kiddos, that’s a necessity.
Rhythms are an amazing tool if you are craving more stability (and, hence, calmness) in your motherhood. If you want a predictable flow without the disappointment of your daily plans being constantly upended.
Here are six daily rhythms that I’ve established in my own life:
One load, one space
Every day I set an intention to do one load of laundry to completion and tidy one space. The space can be anything from a single drawer to an entire room. But I choose one space and focus in. I also enlist my children to help with the laundry. They will switch it over if I need them to or pull it out and sort it. I don’t fold their clothes. They grab their pile and put it in their drawers and I don’t worry about it beyond that. Every once in a while I go through their drawers, but that’s another blog post.
Nowadays I’ve added a little more structure to this rhythm by assigning some spaces to certain days. I didn’t attempt this until my youngest was a little older and sleeping through the night. Example: Mondays I clean my bathroom and Wednesday I wash our sheets and clean our bedroom.
Quiet time
Nearly every day we observe what I call “quiet time.” For my littlest, this still means nap time. Well, it can mean nap time for anyone who needs one, ha. Some days I will sneak in a nap. But, in general, it means we all find something quiet to do in separate places so we get a little break in the middle of the day.
I have found that this rhythm saves my sanity. I am an introvert so having a little break in the middle of the day helps me catch my breath and finish the day well. This is a non-negotiable for us most days.
Mama Morning Time
This rhythm has ebbed and flowed over the years. It’s highly dependent on what season of life we are in. Right now, my youngest is three years old so I have more time freedom than I did when he was tiny. He sleeps through the night now (and so do I!), so I’m able to have a more consistent bedtime and awake time.
Right now I wake up around 6:30am, I do my skincare routine, I sip some bone broth, I have my quiet time, I do a little work/writing, get dressed for my morning walk and then greet my kiddos and start our day. This all takes me about an hour and a half. Which feels like a straight up luxury compared to baby days.
You can take a few elements from this rhythm and apply them wherever you find yourself today, mama. When I had a tiny one, I would do a couple minutes of gua sha or set up a warm drink station in my room so I could sip while the baby nursed (er, sipped, too, ha). You could read a page of a good book or do some stretches while your toddler plays in the bath (done that hundreds of times).
The point is to have some sort of rhythm where you start the day by caring for yourself. It sets the tone.
Cleaning Blitz
This rhythm is a whole family affair around here. We usually do this on the weekends. Everybody has a cleaning task and we get to work for about an hour. My oldest vacuums, my second mops, my third wipes the base boards and my youngest helps pick up toys or anything on the ground. I do the dishes and clean up the kitchen and any other spaces that need it and my husband takes the upstairs. We all work together and, once a week, the house is clean and tidy all at one time.
We tidy throughout the week, of course, but this rhythm gives us that once-all-over satisfaction. It also gives the kiddos a chance to pitch in and work together as a team. It’s amazing what we can get done in a relatively short period of time when we all help.
Screen Free Weekdays
Depending heavily on the season of life we’re in, we try to keep weekdays screen free. I’ve found that screens really disrupt the flow of our creativity and imagination and overall ability to really “settle into” projects.
Keeping screens to weekends also makes the weekends feel more special. The kiddos like to wake up before us, grab a snack and go upstairs to watch cartoons. We enjoy the slower (quieter) start to the morning and they enjoy a special treat of screens.
Of course, this highly depends on the season of life we’re in. If there is sickness or we’re in the newborn season or my husband has to work late hours, then things shift as they need to. But, overall, we’ve found this rhythm to be very freeing and life giving.
Bedtime Reading
Nearly every evening we read aloud to the kiddos before bed. We all gather in the living room, the kids play and we read through whatever book we’re working on.
The last couple of months my husband has taken over reading out loud which has been a nice break for me since I homeschool during the day. We’ve read Beatrice Potter, Pilgrims Progress, the Chronicles of Narnia and now we’re working through the The Hobbit.
This is a fun rhythm that helps everyone wind down. It signals bedtime is coming and it also gives us a chance to hear some amazing, classic stories. I like to turn the lights lower and give the kids opportunity to snuggle up if they like. Bonus points: I rub this magnesium lotion into their legs while my husband reads. Makes putting them to bed even easier. And what parent can’t use some more ease at bedtime?
What are your daily essentials for a calm home? Do you utilize rhythms? I’d love to hear in the comments!
If you’d like more in the rhythms department, you can grab my free rhythms guide here.
But it can feel like so much when you just want to feel good but don’t.
True health is about feeling good in our souls, our minds and our bodies.
True health is when our soul, mind and body are thriving.
Alive. Pulsing with energy. Alert. Awake to the beauty of everyday life. Present with the ones we love.
I want to home-in a little further today and talk specifically about when you’ve hit a wall in your physical health journey. That has a massive impact on our souls and minds. They’re not separate from each other. They make up the whole of who we are. Intertwined. Interdependent.
We’ll tackle the other two aspects another day because they deserve their own spotlight.
Today it’s all about hitting a wall in the physical realm. And I have hit some walls with my health throughout my life.
A few of my walls:
reoccuring sinus infections
borderline Hashimoto’s
leaky gut
adrenal disfunction
a severe UTI
postpartum recovery times four
I’m sure you’ve hit some walls, too, mama. Pause for a moment and take note of them.
Then I want to share what I’ve learned to do when I feel stuck in my health journey. The key to moving forward when you’ve hit a wall.
Ready? Okay.
Go back to the basics.
It seems simplistic, but, then, that’s the point.
To simplify. To remove the unnecessary. To return to the foundation of true health.
What are the basics?
quality sleep for detox and repair
sunshine for circadian rhythm and immune function
clean water and other healing drinks for hydration and nourishment
whole foods for healing, energy and nourishment
Pretty much everything else is an extra. And it’s not that there aren’t a lot of other things that are helpful, but they just aren’t necessary.
Sometimes “extra” can be a liability when you are feeling stuck in your health journey.
When you hit a wall, the first and best thing to do is go back to the basics.
Do a reset. Take out everything but the basics for a week, two weeks, a month if you can. A month is powerful. See how you feel.
Three times now I’ve gone back to the basics on my own health journey.
The first time was about a year or so after my second baby was born in 2015. I had some nagging health issues that I wanted to clear up. I stumbled across the Whole 30 program and decided to give it a go.
I thought I was eating clean before, but, man, that month was a huge learning curve. I learned how to make my own mayo and dressings and how to cook a sweet potato to perfection. I got a high-speed blender and a food processor, and I went through caffeine withdrawals while I watched my fam eat pizza. It wasn’t easy, but I did it and I felt really good afterwards.
It was going back to basics that showed me the long-time acne/weird bumps on my face were caused by conventional dairy. I never knew and I had tried to figure it out, even went to a very expensive dermatologist who told me “Oh, just put this cream on it for a few weeks.” Cutting out conventional dairy cleared up my skin and I’ve never gone back.
The second time I went back basics was in 2019. I had been diagnosed with borderline Hashimoto’s and leaky gut after having my third baby. I didn’t want to be on medication, so I did a 60-day elimination diet and some targeted protocols and I felt amazing. I put my Hashimoto’s into remission and healed up my gut. The whole process wasn’t as overwhelming that time because I had learned so much since the first time.
The third time I went back to basics was about a month and a half ago.
I did what I’ll call a modified Whole 30. Meaning I kept organic whole fat dairy and eliminated coffee and nuts and corn completely. Basically I’ve just been eating whole foods and drinking nourishing drinks.
I’m not doing much else. I didn’t take any supplements for the first 30 days. Which was…well, life changing. Sounds crazy to say, but all the stuff I was taking wasn’t getting the job done. I needed to go back to basics.
I get sunshine every day.
I get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
I am nourishing my body with whole foods and healing drinks. And I feel great.
I am sleeping like a baby (no 10 step process plus melatonin, ugh, just to get some decent sleep).
I have a lot of energy – I’ve been waking up naturally between 6-6:30 which has NEVER happened in my life. Before I would sleep 10 hours at night and take a nap and still feel exhausted; that was one of my first big, red flags that I had hit a wall.
My skin is clear, my wrinkles less noticeable, and my mood is way more even.
I’m excited for the next several months of healing and getting completely past this wall.
So that’s it, my key to moving forward with my health when I’ve hit a wall.
Go back to the basics.
It’s not fancy or trendy or super cool, but it works. And it works really well.
While getting back to basics is key to overcoming a wall in your health journey, there is a time and a place for high quality supplements. Enter: Cymbiotika. I love this company for a few reasons: first they only use high quality ingredients in their supplements, no yucky fillers.
They have several liposomal supplements that I find work so much better than swallowing capsules. They come in these travel-friendly, diaper bag- friendly single serve pouches. Third, they have a great rewards program which makes these supplements way more affordable than they would be otherwise.
Check them out. Cymbiotika and get $20 off your first order. My favorites are the vitamin C, Golden Mind, Magnesium and Creatine. Oh! They have activated charcoal, too, which I always like to have on hand.
Are you still not sure, mama?
Wondering what “get back to the basics” looks like for you?
Scared to ask what a Whole 30 is? Or how you’d function without coffee? Or if it would even help to cut it out?
I’ve been there and I can help. I did that first Whole 30 over 8 years ago and I have learned so much since then. Years of research and practice and experience. I would love to save you time and money because I know they are so valuable and limited.
Book a session with me and I can help guide you in the right direction.
That’s all it takes to get something done, and I’m going to show you how.
Let me set the scene. You roll out of bed. You brush your teeth, do your skincare routine, get dressed for the day. Maybe you can already hear the kiddos stirring (is “stirring” too mild of a word?). Maybe they’re actually sleeping in a little (glory!). Maybe you have some quiet time, time to start a warm drink.
Then you grab your pen and paper and write out what you need to accomplish that day. Maybe you choose one thing, maybe two or three. Then next to each task you write how much time you’re able to give to it. You realize you put 5 minutes next to one task, so you set your timer and you get to work. For 5 minutes all you do is focus on that one thing. Guess what? You finished it in 3 minutes and now you can check it off. DONE.
“Mama, I need a drink.”
“Mama, I’m hungry.”
“Mama, I need you.”
The chorus begins and you’re off to the races. BUT you accomplished one thing on your list, you built momentum before the day really even started and you know you’ll be able to tackle anything else that comes your way.
Is that you, mama? Did I describe your mornings? Or maybe I didn’t. Maybe you feel overwhelmed at all the things you need to do, paralyzed by all the things you want to do. Maybe you are ready to dive in, but you just don’t see how it’s possible when you feel pulled in a dozen different directions. You have no time and less energy.
Side Note: There is a season for everything. There is a season of more capacity and a season of less capacity. I’ve been deep in the baby season (which seems to last for the first two years of my babies’ lives) four times now. All I can focus on is feeding myself and feeding my babies and loving us all. And that is enough.
But then, somehow, you come into a season with more capacity, and you can expand your goals. I’ve been there, too. It’s all an ebb and flow, mama. Honor where you’re at today. End Side Note.
Whether you are in a season of small capacity or large capacity, my #1 productivity hack is for you, mama.
There are three simple steps to follow.
First, decide on your top 1-3 to do items. One to three things that are really going to move the needle in your life, right now, today. Even if you are in a large capacity season, I would try to cap the list at 3 items to begin and expand from there.
Second, decide how much time you have to give to each item on your list. Maybe you have 15, 10 or 5. Maybe you only have one minute. I wasn’t joking at the beginning. Don’t underestimate the power of one focused minute.
Third, grab a timer and get to work. I like to find a quiet place to work if my item is something that requires that for my best work. Maybe before I greet my kids in the morning, or at nap time or stealing away to my bedroom if I’m able.
If your item doesn’t require quiet, then you can set the timer for the time you decided on and get to work. The big idea is to focus. To work on that one item until the timer goes off or until the item is finished and nothing else. From one mama to another: if you get interrupted, pause the timer and pick back up when you are free again.
What to do if you didn’t accomplish the task? You have a couple options:
You can keep going if you feel like it and have the capacity (many times I do! But many times I also find I didn’t need all the time I gave myself)
You can keep the item on your to do list and work on it again when you have the capacity.
Why is this my #1 productivity hack? What’s so magical about it?
It’s all about the focus. There is so much power in focusing on one task until it’s done. The timer gives boundaries so that you know you’re not signing up to work for the next 6 hours. It also creates a little urgency or challenge that subconsciously tells your brain to “get it done.”
I hope you give this productivity hack a try, mama. I’ve used so many tactics, but this one gives me the best results by far.
Everyone has a few minutes. And once you get going, I think you’ll find that it’s easier to keep going than it is to stop.
Cymbiotika is one of my favorite clean supplement companies. No junk, no fillers. They offer many of their supplements in liposomal form which I find work better in most cases than swallowing capsules. I’ve used and loved their Vitamin C, Glutathione, Golden Mind and Magnesium. My husband loves their creatine after working out. They also have a really great subscription program, one of the best I’ve seen. The discounts add up fast making these supplements much more accessible. Get $20 off your first order.
Maybe I say that every season, ha. But it’s true. Spring comes just in time every year. Just when you think everything is going to be brown and gloomy forever.
Everything starts blooming and budding, the trees wear their halo of new, bright green, the birds are singing and the days are slowly getting longer and the air just feels fresh.
Springtime is full of hope and new beginnings. It feels like waking up out of a long sleep. Anything is possible.
What better time than Spring to layer on the selfcare?
Let’s revisit how we’re caring for ourselves, mama, and make that shift into a brand-new season.
Here are 6 Fresh Ways to Care for Yourself this Spring:
1.) Throw open those windows!
This one is truly simple and free! I like to do it when I’m walking around opening blinds in the morning. I open up a window on each side of the house to take advantage of the cross breeze. I do this no matter what time of year it is, but in spring it just feels natural.
Five minutes is more than enough time to really shift the air in your home. We don’t realize it, but the air in our home can get very stagnant. Especially in newer, energy efficient homes that don’t do a good job of “breathing” on their own.
2.) Designate a spring-cleaning week.
I chose the last week of February this year because we had a busy March coming up, but you can do it any time. I made a plan to tackle one space each day so I didn’t get overwhelmed. Definitely include your kiddos, too, and getting them involved. Everyone can do something.
Don’t get me wrong, it was still a lot of work. But it was worth it! I washed curtains, dusted blinds and fans, touched up paint, decluttered, rearranged, vacuumed, mopped and wiped down surfaces. It was a full clean and now it feels so good.
3.) Freshen up your skincare routine.
I find my routine shifts with the seasons.
In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing. In spring, I slowly start exfoliating twice a week instead of once and I layer in or swap out products based on my skin’s needs.
Don’t forget you can use code CLEANFORALL20to get 20% off your first Beautycounter order with me!
4.) Start a morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day.
I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring rain (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boost my energy and give me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
5.) Get sunshine every day.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like I’m plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it.
Getting daily sunshine has many benefits including:
boosting the immune system
sleep regulation
increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone)
production of Vitamin D
and much more
Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
6.) Grow something.
Anything! Whether it’s starting some seeds for your garden or taking an online course in something that you’ve been wanting to learn more about – growth is key!
The kiddos have requested carrots, peas, tomatoes, flowers and arugula in the garden this year. I have my grow lights ready and I’m just waiting on my planting trays to come. It will be my first year starting seeds inside, so we’ll see how it goes.
As far as courses go, I really want to delve into this one. It feels right up my alley and I think I’m going to go for it in April.
Tell me how you’re taking your selfcare into spring? I’d love to hear!
It doesn’t really matter what the task or goal is. That first step is often paralyzing. We start to second guess ourselves and doubt our capabilities. We procrastinate because we want things to be “just right” before we start. Which is, of course, a recipe for never starting at all.
So, today I wanted to share my Just Start Recipe with you. How to get started when you don’t know where to start.
Just Start Recipe
You will need:
a pen and paper
a healthy dose of focus
Follow these steps:
choose one thing
break that one thing down into the smallest possible steps
take the first step
take the next step
keep on moving through the steps until you’re finished with that one thing
repeat
It sounds simplistic, but most of the time, simple is better.
First, you have to decide what you want to do.
This means, you have to prioritize. You have to choose your one thing to focus on. Whether you’re writing out what you want to do tomorrow or mapping out the next five years. Whether you have to clean your house or you want to build a house. Picking one thing allows your brain to hyperfocus instead of being spread out or scattered over multiple things.
Grab a paper and pencil and write down all the things you want or need to do. There could be 100 things, but – after you’re done with the list – you’re going to choose just one of those things to focus on.
Next, you’re going to break that one thing down into the smallest possible action steps.
This step is all about building momentum. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are or how ridiculously easy they seem, that’s the point: making your first step so simple you can’t help but start.
Let’s take the cleaning the house example. If you chose that as your one thing, you could break it down into smaller action steps like this:
Make a cleaning check list for each room of the house
Gather your cleaning supplies
Choose one room to start in
Stage your cleaning supplies
Get a drink and a snack so you’re hydrated and fueled
Turn on some good music or a podcast
Look at the first item on the check list for the room you’re in
Just start
Here’s the biggest, hardest part: take the first step.
I don’t know about you, mama, but I have often let the need for everything to be perfect paralyze me. I make excuses about my abilities or my resources. I entertain doubts about my method or the results. You name it.
Perfectionism is another form of procrastination.
It will keep you locked up, frozen, unable to move forward in even the smallest things. Be willing to let the little stuff go. Be willing to get messy, to make mistakes, to have to go back to the drawing board.
I have a saying I repeat to myself: Don’t edit yourself out of action.
A few years ago I thought about starting a podcast. It seemed like a good fit, I had tons of content ideas, but then I decided to take a mini course on starting a podcast. Good grief. It was a ten-step process that sounded more complicated than earning a college degree.
Until I decided it didn’t have to be. I downloaded a free recording app. I literally had my iPhone and our master bedroom closet and my notepad. And I just started. No experience. No idea what I was doing.
This year I released Season 3 out into the world.
In other words: you don’t have to get everything perfect before you start. Just start.
Taking that first step can be scary, but every step after gets a little easier.
It’s all about building momentum. That’s why it pays to start small, to break your goal down into tiny, baby steps. Once you get the momentum going, you’ll be unstoppable. You will know the Just Start Recipe by heart and you will find yourself checking off your goals one by one.
Earthly Wellness is one of my favorite natural supplement companies. Although they’re really so much more. They have a skincare line, haircare line, supplements for the whole family (I use the Good Night Lotion every night with our kiddos), essential oils (calming and immune boost are my faves) and whole food supplements as well (cocoa calm is one of my faves!). Earthly Wellness is a small, family-owned business in Ohio and they really put out some amazing products. They are always running awesome promotions/sales and their products are high quality and effective. Give Earthly Wellness a try.
Selfcare is about being consistent in the little things.
It’s about the day-in-day-out caring for yourself, mama. Using the little pockets of your days to re-fill your cup, to minister to your mind, soul and body. It’s about weaving in simple practices that move the needle.
What are those things for you?
The other evening while I was taking some time to recharge at the end of a long day, I started thinking about the selfcare practices I absolutely love that move the needle for me.
The game changers.
Some of them cost money (well spent), but some of them are completely free. All of them have a special place in my selfcare toolbox.
Here they are:
1.) Red light therapy.
I got mine second hand. You can find them refurbished or buy at the year-end sales. But I would pay full price for mine in a heartbeat. It’s that good. I have a Plantinum LED Bio 300 but there are so many good ones on the market. Do your research and get one that fits your needs.
I use mine multiple times a day. I sit in front of it in the morning and evening. If any of my little fam are feeling under the weather, I get them in front of it. My husband uses it for athletic recovery. It basically energizes your cells to do what they were created to do. There are so many great places to find more in-depth information and learn how to take your wellness to a new level using red light. I’m encouraging you to dive in, mama!
2.) Legs up the wall pose.
I do this whenever I’ve been on my feet a lot (every day, ha) and they are feeling tired and sore. I do it when I feel out of sorts. I do it when I need a quick energy boost and when I need to zen out. I’ve read that this pose is equivalent to a 15 min nap. It’s very restorative. All you need is a wall, a pillow if you like and 10-15 minutes.
To get into the pose, sit sideways with your left hip against the wall, lay down and turn on your back to put your legs straight up the wall. Scoot your bum as close as you can to the wall and relax. To come out of the pose, reverse the movement and sit up slowly. Repeat as often as necessary.
3.) Accupressure mat and neck pillow.
I have this mat and pillow set. I leave it out on my rug at the end of my bed so I see it whenever I walk into the room. I use it a lot more that way. I like to use it when I do my legs up the wall pose. I love to lay on it before I get into bed for the night. I use the pillow to wake up in the morning if my neck or shoulders feel tight. It’s amazing.
If you aren’t sure about acupuncture (it’s amazing, too, btw) or you can’t swing those appointments right now, this is a wonderful alternative to ease you into this ancient form of restorative healing.
4.) Daily sunshine.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it. So many benefits including boosting the immune system, sleep regulation, increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone) and much more. Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
5.) A morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day. I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring or I am sick (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boosts my energy and get me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
6.) A basic skincare routine.
This has taken me years to settle into. Learning what my skin needs and how to care for it well. I find my routine shifts with the seasons. In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In the winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing.
Goal setting can feel very nebulous. Just like self-care in general, it can feel unreachable, unattainable. But it doesn’t have to be and I hope to change that with this post.
Listen to the companion podcast episodes here and here. It’s a two part series.
I also created a FREE guide just for you, to use in conjunction with this blog post and the podcast episodes.
The first page of the guide isall about getting started. Here’s the thing about getting started with setting attainable goals: it’s not about what others are doing or what you think you SHOULD be doing; it’s about what lights you up, what’s in line with your priorities, what you’re passionate about and what God is calling you to do.
I’ve often set goals that are lofty and amazing and good, but were based on what someone else was doing or what I thought I should be doing. Instead of what lit a fire in MY soul, what MY top priorities were, what MY passions were and what God was calling ME to do.
Those are the questions we need to be asking ourselves in order to set goals we will actually meet. Because when you set goals based on what someone else is doing or what you think you should be doing, very rarely will you end up meeting them. Because the true, powerful form of motivation you need just isn’t there. Your motivation isn’t based on anything sound that’s going to carry you through.
But when you sit down and ask the question: “What lights a fire in MY soul?” The chances of meeting that goal are so much greater. Because your motivation has a sound basis, not superficial.
When you sit down and ask the question: “What are MY priorities in life?” That helps you set goals that actually apply to your life and what matters most to you, what you want to see accomplished, what you want your life to look like. That totally shifts the kinds of goals your going to set.
When you sit down and ask the question: “What am I passionate about?” that automatically rules out so many goals you could set and helps you really dial down on what goals you will actually meet. If you try to set a goal your not passionate about, that’s not going to get you very far. I’m talking about setting goals for this year, for the next five years, ten years…or even this month, this week, this day… you have to be passionate about those goals in order to see follow through.
When you sit down and ask the question: “What is God calling ME to do?” That’s going to look different than what other people are doing or even what you think you SHOULD be doing. When you sit down and ask God what He wants you to do, He shows you what to let go of and what to hold to. That shift brings such illumination and so many open doors.
Side note: I know from personal experience that just because a goal is for me (it lights me up, it’s in line with my priorities, it’s my passion and it’s what God is calling me to do) doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. But God will be with us and help us get from point A to point B. Not by our lofty desires or our failing human motivation.
So, this is when grabbing the guide and printing it out will really help. Take that first page, set aside some quiet time where you can think and pray through those questions. That’s the foundation of successful goal setting, that’s where you’re going to see the needle move.
Page two of the Goals Guideis all about getting specific. It’s great to have long term/big picture goals, but them we really want to zoom in, get detailed, set time frames, etc.
If you’re not specific with your goals, you’re not really going to know how or when you meet them. If they are nebulous to begin with, they are going to be nebulous to end with. I don’t know about you, but I want to know when I’ve accomplished a goal.
The first question to ask (based on the questions from page one above) is: “What are my top three goals?” I’m not saying you can only have three goals in life, but I think three goals is a good place to start if you don’t know where to start.
This is where we start to get specific. Here are the next few questions to ask:
What can you do in the next 12 months to make those goals a reality?
How about each month?
How about each week?
How about each day?
Again, carve out some quiet time to really sit and pray over your answers.
Breaking down our goals into bite size pieces reduces overwhelm. When we set big goals, but don’t map out the daily/weekly/monthly/yearly steps to reach them, we’re going to be paralyzed. We might have this goal that meets all the criteria on page one, but if we don’t break it down into specific steps we won’t ever reach it.
Here’s an example: my 7 year old learning to read this summer. We set up a reading challenge of our own and his goal was to read 40 books by mid-September. Now, that’s a big goal for anyone, let alone a 7 year old. So, we had to break it down. We determined if he aimed to read 15 books a month for June/July/August, he would more than meet his goal. And if he read a book a day, he’d definitely blow that goal out of the water. That’s just a simple example from our every day life, but as adults we can do the exact same thing. Take our big goals and break them down step by step.
Page 3 of the Guide is all about creating quick wins. I really believe in this concept in many areas of life, but especially in the area of setting goals. If we can create momentum that builds and grows, that momentum will carry us where we want to go.
Here’s the question to ask: “What is something you can do, right now, today that will bring you closer to meeting each of your goals?” Take some time to consider this question. Write down a quick win for each of the three goals you listed on page 2 of the Guide. Then here’s my challenge to you: go and do it. Knock out those quick wins. That will create momentum and momentum is what we need to reach our goals.
Page 4 of the Guide is all about what to do when a goal isn’t working. This has happened to me a lot. I set a goal and somewhere along the way I get off track. It falls to the wayside. Or – and this is why I talked about creating quick wins – I don’t even take the first step to reaching it.
So, if you’ve followed the Guide and a goal still isn’t working, here are some questions to ask to get you back on track:
Have your priorities shifted? If so, how and why? This is an important question because, if your goal is based on a priority you hold and the goal isn’t working anymore, perhaps your priority has shifted some how. Perhaps answering this question will also help you see the goal you set wasn’t connected to a priority you hold in the first place. Either way this question is a win.
Next question: “How can I tweak or update this goal to make it work?” We don’t always want to nix the entire goal. Maybe we can change something (small even) about the goal that will make it applicable again. Maybe the way we set the goal, the perimeters need to be updated.
Next question: “Do I just need to let this goal go?” If you’ve answered the first two questions and the goal still isn’t working, then ask this. Sometimes we just need to let goals go. That’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. There is bravery in admitting when we’ve been heading in the wrong direction and then course correcting instead of stubbornly continuing down the wrong path.
Final question: “If I need to let this goal go, what goal can I replace it with?” Let’s not create a vacuum affect, let’s fill that empty goal slot with a goal that moves our feet in the right direction. This is where I’d encourage you to go back to the first page of the guide and walk through those questions again.
That is The Goals Guide in a nutshell. I really believe this Guide is a simple approach to setting goals you’ll actually reach. These are goal setting principles I’ve applied in my own life, that I’ve actually used and seen be successful.
One final note: just start. Don’t wait for the “perfect time” or the “perfect conditions” because they won’t ever come.
Here’s another example from my every day life: starting my podcast. I got the idea on a road trip in the first quarter of the year and jotted a quick note to look into it. It piqued my interest and seemed like it might be a good fit. I thought it could be something I would enjoy that might also work well to reach my target audience – you, the every day mama who is busy raising her kiddos, running her home, doing her thing and needs to be able to listen/learn on the go. Well, I reached a point in June where I realized: If I don’t just start, I might never start. So I just jumped in. I had no idea what I was doing, but I recorded my first episode and it took off from there.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
Listen to the companion podcast episodes here and here. It’s a two part series.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
It’s my hope that this post will serve as a guide to caring for yourself during early postpartum and beyond.
I hope that it will help you or a mama you know reclaim this precious season and take the time to recover, heal and adjust.
I hope that it will make your entrance into motherhood (whether it’s the first or seventh time) a sacred time of true soul, mind and body self-care.
My Postpartum Experiences
I’ve had three very different birth experiences so far.
My first was a homebirth that ended in a transfer to the hospital. My second was at a birth center. And my third was a home birth/water birth that was absolutely amazing.
Just as I’ve had three different birth experiences, I’ve also had three different postpartum experiences. I don’t expect the fourth (coming soon!) to be any different.
Unlike birth plans that may have to be completely thrown out the window, I believe we have a little more control over our postpartum experience. A little thought and preparation can go a long way in amplifying our recovery, healing and adjustment. Each of my postpartum experiences have gotten progressively better as I’ve learned better how to care for myself in that precious season.
Observing and honoring early postpartum and the 4th Trimester (those first 12 weeks) is so very important. Yet, it’s something we woefully neglect as a society. So many other cultures observe this beautiful season, but in the Western world we seem to have forgotten about supporting the mother through this vulnerable time of recovering, healing and adjustment.
The baby gets so much focus, care and attention after birth. That’s as it should be. But I know from personal experience I put exponentially much more time and thought and money into prepping for my firstborn…and I hardly even considered what I would need for recovery, healing and adjusting during the postpartum season.
I rushed into motherhood like I had to prove that I was “okay,” that I could handle it.
Like staying in bed with my new baby to recover, heal and adjust was a sign of weakness.
Like pushing myself too far, too fast was a sign of strength and capability.
But it wasn’t. All the lies I believed about “keeping up” and getting back in shape and returning to normal were detrimental to my soul, mind and body as a new mother.
It’s my hope we can rediscover the beauty of the postpartum season. To take that time not only to bond with our baby and learn how to care for a new precious life, but also to care for ourselves in deep and needed ways that will pave the way for a smoother transition into a new season.
Specific Ways I’m Preparing for Early Postpartum
First, I’m going to be sharing what I am doing to prepare for postpartum this fourth time. I’ll be sharing many resources and tips that I’ve discovered through my first three experiences.
Most of what I will share are my tried and trues. Some are brand-new to me. With each baby I up my postpartum game because I learn something new each time.
Here are some specific ways I’m preparing for postpartum:
Pre-Gaming the Self-Care
Before my third baby I saw another mama share about how she layered on self-care during the last few weeks before baby. I LOVED that idea. Those final weeks can feel so long and uncomfortable. I determined that I was going to make the most of them, too.
Here are some ways I like to pre-game my self-care:
Go get or give myself a mani/pedi
Get out alone
Nap as much as possible
Schedule mama dates with a couple good friends
Take long baths
Get a pre-natal massage and/or go to the chiro
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or expensive. Just those little extras that will be difficult to do once a newborn arrives.
Cozi-fying our bedroom
I’m creating a tea/coffee/snack station out of a coffee table we have in our room. You could set up a simple bar cart or even use a dresser for this. I’m getting clear trays to protect surfaces and keep everything organized. I’m planning to have a French press, electric kettle and frother. I have baskets for my teas, coffee, drink ingredients and nutrient dense snacks.
A sweet friend gifted me a small refrigerator she no longer needed and I’ve been doing a happy dance ever since. It’s going to be in our bedroom to the left of the coffee table. I’ll stock creamer, Daydream Dessert, special drinks, quick snacks, and any tonics and refrigerated supplements in there for easy access. Have I mentioned how excited I am for this!?
We replaced old, leaky shower heads, a broken vent/fan and I got a new, cozy bath rug.
I’m getting a tray for my bedside table for the daily re-fuels of healing drinks, foods, supplements, etc.
I got an under the bed wire basket to keep all the baby things close at hand. I plan to use our bed as the changing station so that I don’t have to go anywhere.
I got a small basket for nursing supplies to keep beside my bed and one for the back of the toilet to keep all my immediate postpartum supplies.
We’re moving the TV into our room, what can I say. Watching HGTV and Food Network PLUS all the Christmas movies during those long newborn nursing sessions sounds amazing.
Setting Up Help Where I Need It
My mom, bless her and thank the Lord for her, comes for a few weeks when I have my babies. It’s amazing and I will be forever grateful for the HUGE part she’s played in my postpartum recoveries. If you don’t have a close family member who is able to come, definitely check into hiring a postpartum doula. I realize this is an extra expense, but even if you only have that one-on-one help for the first couple of weeks, it will make an immense difference.
I have asked our babysitters to come once a week for an afternoon for the foreseeable future. I might double that after the holidays and my mom is gone and my husband is back at work. I plan to use this time to nap with baby, sneak in a bath or long shower, basically for #soulmindbodyselfcare.
I’ve found a house cleaning company and plan to have them come at least once a month, possibly more for a little while. They’ve already done a deep clean and it was the first time my house has been clean all at once in…forever. It was so nice. I rest best in tidy, calm surroundings. Since I know this about myself (and know that I will otherwise be tempted to be cleaning when I should be resting), this is a needed act of self-care.
I’m setting up a few meal delivery services (and getting a deep freezer for the garage). I like Hungry Root and I’m going to try Daily Harvest and Splendid Spoon. None of these are sponsored. And I’ll let you know how I like them after I’ve tried them this time. I’m thrilled to have options for clean, healthy, healing foods that will be quick to prepare, especially once I’m flying solo during the days.
I have all my essentials on subscription so that they come right to my door. Then I don’t have to remember to order something I need/use regularly in those blurry newborn days. This includes: diapers/wipes, household supplies, needed supplements, our CSA box, etc.
Taking a Baby Sleep Course
My first baby was an average sleeper. My second was not a sleeper unless she was attached to me. My third was a total dream baby/fluke, the best sleeper ever and I am spoiled. I’m not expecting a repeat, ha, so I’m preparing by taking a baby sleep course.
I’ve never been a proponent of sleep training. I like to have my babies with me for the first six months at least and then in our room (or large walk-in closet) for as long as needed. I also don’t want to jeopardize my milk supply by night weaning early.
So, I’m currently working my way through Taking Cara Babies First Five Months Bundle. So far it seems to be a very gentle approach and breast-feeding friendly. So reassuring and easy to follow while also opening my eyes to some missteps I made with my second born who did not want to sleep unless attached to me.
Whatever kind of sleeper this fourth babe is, I will feel a lot more at ease knowing I have a ton of sleep tools to employ if/when needed. I’ll let you know how it goes after I’ve had ample time to apply what I’m learning.
Planning to Take the Full 4th Trimester Off
This is so, so important. Our society has led us to believe that postpartum is just the first 6 weeks post-baby.
Nope.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Certainly those first six weeks are integral, but observing the full 4th Trimester (those first 12 weeks) is key to long term recovery, healing and adjustment as mothers. And it shouldn’t end there. My mom has always said, it took 9 months to grow the baby, give yourself at least 9 months to recover, heal and adjust. Amen! And, personally, I always start feeling more like myself closer to the 12-16 month mark.
I take the full 4th Trimester off by:
Not putting any pressure on myself to work out or “get my body back,” even once I’m technically cleared to do so. I do TVA/deep core breathing exercises, walks and maybe some gentle stretching. That’s it. Even beyond those 12 weeks, I really listen to my body. Intense work outs right out of the gate can really tax the adrenals, especially if you haven’t replenished your stores, balanced your hormones and if you’re not getting adequate restorative sleep.
Not planning anything. Seriously. I don’t plan anything. Especially for the first month, but even the second two months, I don’t schedule regular events or play dates or anything that would take us out of the house unless we feel up to it. The big idea is: nothing on the calendar or my to do list beyond taking care of myself and my babies for those first 12 weeks.
I’m going to be pulling back here and on Instagram and the podcast and my email list. Basically taking maternity leave, but coming and going as I feel up to it. I don’t have any hard and fast goals. No pressure to show up or produce. I love what I share through Soul Mind Body Selfcare, it’s part of who I am, but I really want to take the 4th Trimester to tune in, do some learning (courses and books, etc), rest my mind and allow my inspiration to be refreshed.
Also, a little note:once postpartum, always postpartum. We can’t really put a time frame on postpartum recovery. If you didn’t have a good postpartum season with your baby(ies), whether it was a year ago or ten years ago – it’s not too late! It’s never too late to start caring for yourself. Start now, start today with your recovery, healing and adjusting. You can still apply many of the things I’m sharing in this article. At some point, I will also be talking about what I do later in the postpartum to continue the wave of recovery, healing and adjusting.
Specific Items I’m Prepping + Stocking for Postpartum
What I’m Prepping + Stocking for Right After Birth + Early Postpartum
A first meal. Whether it’s in the crockpot or freezer so it can be quickly warmed, I love to have something that is protein and carb heavy. My last two babies I’ve had a lasagna/pasta dish as my first meal and it just tasted so good. My first baby I had saltine crackers because the hospital cafeteria wasn’t open at 2am. Bleh.
Earth Mama Herbal sitz bath.I have an actual sitz bath for my toilet, but you can also sit in a shallow tub of water or add a larger amount of herbs if you prefer a full soak. Side note: this is also lovely for mama/baby bonding and (clear with your provider), but I soak with my babies even before their umbilical cord stump falls off, the herbs are so healing and soothing.
Earth Mama perineal spray. I swear by this stuff. I get 2-3 bottles. It’s so healing without any yucky chemicals.
Gaia Herbs natural laxative. Trying this out this time. I wanted something natural and gentle, but I definitely need laxative help in those first few weeks.
Items I’m Stocking Specifically for Breastfeeding:
A latch assist – new to me – and I’m actually using this now to prepare. My midwife said it’s best to start using it around 33-34 weeks so it does take a little forethought.
Nipple shield for the first week or so, until we establish a solid latch.
Medela Breast shells to keep the bra pads from sticking and allow the air to circulate around the nipple between feedings – new to me but I’m willing to try anything that makes those first weeks easier.
La Vie Lactation Massager for plugged ducts. Also new to me, but I had the worst time with plugged ducts with my last baby. I’m going to be addressing that in other ways this time as well, but want to have this on hand, too.
Haakaa silicone manual breast pump for catching let downs and middle of the night pump seshs in those early weeks when my milk comes in. A few notes: I have always used the Medela Harmony Manual Breast Pump and really like it. I’m intrigued by the Haakaa because it has less parts to keep clean and uses suction which will be amazing if it actually works for me. I’ve never used an electric pump. I don’t try to build a stash. I’ll maybe end up with 6-8 bags of milk in the freezer from those first weeks while my milk is regulating. I keep those on hand for when the kids or my husband want to help feed the baby or if I’m out a bit past nursing time at some point in those first months. But I find it’s easier to simply nurse and not worry about pumping or building a stash. I know not every mama can take that approach, but that’s been my story.
I make a simple saline soak to soothe cracked or irritated nipples. I’ve used this method the last two babies and it really works to heal up nipples quickly.
What Herbs/Supplements/Foods/Drinks I’m Stocking for Postpartum:
Tonics/Teas/Herbs:
Loose leaf teas – Stinging Nettle Leaf, Red Raspberry Leaf, Dandelion Root and Lemon Balm. I love Mountain Rose Herbs to purchase these.
Milk Moon – I’m getting their postpartum restorative tonic
I will continue taking an adrenal tonic my midwife has give me, herbs to support my varicose veins (thankfully they begin to clear up in those early weeks!) and keepmy homemade elderberry and echinacea tincture close at hand to keep my immune system strong.
Supplements:
ProgestPure– I was taking this natural progesterone supplement when I got pregnant and have been taking it through out my pregnancy. My cycle always returns ridiculously early, like 2-3 months pp, even though I nurse on demand. My midwife said that can sometimes be caused by low progesterone, so this time I’m going to be supplementing.
Quicksilver Methylated Liquid B complex – I am most excited about this one (if you can be excited about a supplement, ha) because I’ve never taken a B Complex during postpartum. I am so curious to see if it helps with low energy as well as postpartum hair loss.
Grass-fed beef liver capsules, so amazing for boosting iron and B12 and supporting energy levels and overall well being.
Of course, I’ll also have my wellness arsenal stocked, too. Especially since this early postpartum season will be in the colder months.
Foods:
High quality bone broth for sipping and soup-making Organic, local raw dairy – milk, cream, yogurt, kefir, etc Citrus anything and everything Root veggies and especially beets (TMI but they help me go!) Ginger, turmeric, garlic Day Dream Desserts
Drinks:
Ingredients for smoothies (drinking at room temp to keep my body warm to promote healthy circulation and healing) Golden Milk paste for healing golden milk lattes Foursigmatic hot cocoa with reishi Live kombucha soda for that fiz with probiotics
Prepare as much beforehand as you possibly can. A good postpartum season isn’t going to just happen, you have to plan for it. BUT. If you are reading this while postpartum and feeling discouraged, don’t be! Start right where you are with what you have. Identify your top three needs and brainstorm with your husband how you can practically meet those needs ASAP.
Set clear boundaries with family/friends who might want to visit. Designate a gate keeper at the hospital and/or at home. Put a sign on the front door saying “Mama and baby are resting, thanks for stopping by, we will be in touch soon,” or something to that affect. Communicate your desires clearly with your husband and anyone else who will be caring for you. Decide how much time you need undisturbed (one day? one week? one month?) If people want to bring food or gifts, tell them thank you and to please leave it on the door step unless you are up for visiting. If people do come in for a visit, have a list of things that need to be done so that when they ask how they can help, you don’t have to think. Above all, do what you need to do in order to prioritize your recovery and bonding with baby. Be kind but firm. Don’t be afraid to say no. You don’t owe anyone anything.
A few more…
Have a plan to focus on replenishing nutrients, balancing hormones and adequately support your adrenals.
Keep the lymphatic and detox systems moving/working with: castor oil packs, dry brushing, acupuncture, sauna, chiro, massage, etc. Have care providers and contact info ready to go and appointments established/scheduled if you are able.
Nancy Anderson’s Ab Rehab and TVA breathing exercises. See a pelvic floor specialist if you have persistent issues. Better to take care of things early on, but even years postpartum you can heal!
Even after nursing babies for 60 months collectively (WHAT?!), I still feel like a novice. Especially when it comes to nursing newborns. I like to say, I’m great at nursing toddlers, but I suck at nursing newborns. Ha. When they’re totally dependent, don’t know what the heck they’re doing (feeling the same, babes, feeling the same), need you to support their body completely while you’re sleep deprived and exhausted… It’s just a lot.
So, my #1 tip would be to be prepared and have plenty of support. Gather all your resources, stock all your supplies and line up any help you might need. Breastfeeding is natural, but it might not come naturally. It will probably take several weeks of adjustment (especially if it’s your first) and a whole lot of perseverance, hard work and dedication. It’s both the hardest and most beautiful thing I’ve ever done apart from giving birth and raising my kiddos.
Bonus tips:
Every time we have a baby, I put together what I call the big sister/big brother bag for the older sibling(s). We pull it out after the baby is born and tell them it’s our celebration of baby arriving. It makes them feel special and thought of and makes baby’s arrival fun. It helps ease the transition a little. This time I think we’re also going to get balloons and cupcakes to really do it up. Make it a birth-day party.
I put items in the bag that will help entertain the kiddos while I recover. This time I’m putting in a ton of new Christmas books, their Christmas pajamas, a washable coloring mat from The Modern Cloth with washable markers, Christmas mugs, new mini ornaments so they can decorate their tree, etc.
I like to have any info for newborn care (even after three babies, each newborn season always feels like the first time) and any appointments that need to be scheduled for me or the baby in those early weeks ready to go. It’s hard to make decisions in those early days/weeks when you’re sleep deprived. I don’t want to have to remember what to do if my baby is crying and won’t stop or who I need to call to schedule that first chiro apt, etc. I keep everything in a folder for easy access and stock any homeopathies or other remedies I might need.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
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We all begin our self-care journey somewhere. It’s like a lot of things in life: you might not recognize where you began – what paradigm shift or pivotal moment brought you to the starting line. But years down the road you’ll look back and go “ahhhh, that was it. The beginning.”
That was certainly true for me. I didn’t even know I was on a self-care journey until I was five years in. Looking back I can clearly see each paradigm shift.
Me with my first son. After a very long labor + traumatic birth. So in love but completely + totally overwhelmed in every way.
I didn’t know anything about self-care until after I had my first son in 2013. I had come off several stressful years in my late teens and early twenties, earning my bachelors, working two jobs, putting myself through an intense master program, getting married and having a baby in quick succession. It was a lot of stress (even though a lot of it was obviously good!) and not a lot of recovery time. I remember feeling like I was getting sick one fall while I was deep in the trenches of earning my masters. I told myself I didn’t have time and I just kept pushing forward. That’s just one example of many.
Add to that: I didn’t know how to care for myself even if I’d wanted to. Period. I didn’t know what that looked like. I treated my soul, mind and body like a machine: they did what I told it to and that meant I never really stopped.
Even after my son was born, I didn’t stop. I was up and around just a couple days after a very long, intense and traumatic birth. The midwife was horrified. I remember going to Target, my newborn in a moby wrap, way too soon because I just thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Get back to life, get back to normal.
Oh, man. I could write a book, just on that. How as a society we have lost the beautiful, vulnerable, necessary healing time that is postpartum. I had no clue. No clue what a healing postpartum season looked like. No clue that there was no getting back to my old “normal.” No clue that I had nothing to prove, no one to impress, by pushing myself too hard, too fast.
In fact, it wasn’t until I was around 15 months postpartum that everything began to catch up with me. I was still breastfeeding, had suffered an early miscarriage and my husband was away for six months going through training for a new job that would move us to the other side of the country.
It slowly starting dawning on me that: caring for my baby was only part of the motherhood equation; the other part was learning how to care for myself as well.
This was my first big, paradigm shift. The beginning of my self-care journey. I wasn’t well physically, emotionally or mentally. Our of sheer necessity, I found myself at a naturopath, trying to figure out why I felt like I was falling apart. During the two hour intake session, I ended up sharing things I’d never shared with anyone. I realized then I probably should have been in therapy long before. It was the beginning for me.
Paradigm Shift #2: A Slow Awakening
Me with my daughter. After a very emotionally charged labor and beautiful, birth center birth. I was exhausted on every level. Our postpartum season was good but way too short.
After seeing that first naturopath, I took baby steps towards addressing some physical issues I was experiencing. Skin issues, hair loss, inability to concentrate, wired but tired, prone to depression…so many things pointed to the fact my adrenals were shot. What I couldn’t know at the time was that this was only the tip of the iceberg.
I did start to feel some micro improvements, but I still didn’t have any clue what self-care was or the depth to which I needed it. I did what I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Which is all anyone can do, which is why this is called a journey.
Fast forward to six months postpartum with my daughter at the beginning of 2016. I had been through a super stressful year prior. We had moved across country for my husband’s new job, away from family. We had been through house hunting, found a place and had been working non-stop to fix it up. All while my husband worked 12 hour days and I managed the renovations. Add to that: pregnancy, wrangling a toddler, an emotionally intense delivery, extended family issues…
That time still blurs together. I was overwhelmed, stressed, not sleeping, and I still hadn’t learned what I needed to thrive, how to meet my own needs or how to ask for help. Before I had become pregnant with my daughter, I had been writing my heart out, building a blog, and an email list and I literally hit “delete” on all of it. Just like I had hit delete on all the parts of life that made me…well, me.
I hit rock bottom. I found myself at my parents for a few weeks and, for the first time, I was able to rest, to sit back while my children were cared for by others and actually see them, see myself, have space to think. That’s when I realized again that I needed help.
I found a naturopath in our new area and dove deeper into functional medicine. I still went into my first appointment with a shotgun approach, not really knowing what to ask for or what was priority. Once again I took baby steps towards caring for my physical body. I was diagnosed with candida and got on a regime to treat that. I did a Whole 30 and learned so much about eating whole foods, reading labels and how to cook a lot more things from scratch. Through that whole process I discovered my body [and my skin! It completely cleared up] did so much better without conventional dairy.
Addressing the physical was good. It brought me to a place where I could actually start thinking about what I required to thrive. How I should care for myself. What I needed most. It helped clear some of the brain fog and the nagging physical symptoms that distracted me from working on deeper issues.
The clearer mind brought me to counseling and starting to do the hard work of setting healthy boundaries. I am not by nature a strong willed person, but I became strong willed when it came to my own self-care. I learned the importance of saying no, of prioritizing myself and my family over what others thought or wanted. I realized I had to stop playing the martyr. No one could read my mind. I had to get to know myself better, understand what made me thrive, and learn to meet those needs and how to communicate them. I had to take responsibility for caring for myself.
I began practicing yoga and I fell in love with how it married movement and breath and brought restoration to not just my physical health, but my my mental health as well. I’ve been practicing yoga for almost five years now and nothing helps me feel more at home in my body or my mind faster.
Around the same time I started yoga, I embarked on a mission to not just organize our home, but completely declutter it. Get rid of everything that we didn’t love or use. Of course, my mission wasn’t quite that clear at first. I just knew that too much stuff overwhelmed me and I was tired of trying to organize it only to turn around and find it a jumbled mess two minutes later. So I started decluttering, space by space. Month by month. It’s been a journey in and of it’s self. A long learning process. Like peeling away the layers of an onion. But, truly, decluttering our home, our schedule, my expectations, my brain, everything has been a huge game changer in my self-care journey.
Paradigm Shift #3: Starting to Share My Journey
Me with my third baby, our second boy. Having him felt like coming home. He brought healing that I didn’t know I needed, on levels I didn’t know existed.
The spring my third baby was born was one of the most beautiful seasons of our life for so many reasons. We had just finished a long, arduous process of selling our house, moving to a new town, living in a rental paying double payments, battling lots of sickness (I was sick for two solid weeks before my son was born, coughing until my ribs ached, sleeping sitting straight up in bed at 9 months pregnant, ha).
My son was born, my first successful home waterbirth. It was quick and intense and beautiful. He was perfect and so was our postpartum experience thanks to all the many lessons I had learned and my mom and my husband caring for me, the kids and the house so seamlessly. I spent the first two weeks in bed with my baby and gave myself a full 12 weeks before I started any exercise beyond walking. I let my body heal and didn’t try to rush. It felt so freeing. We finally sold our house and found a new house. The cherry on top was that the baby was our best sleeper yet. It all felt like such a gift.
When my third was about nine months old, I started intentionally sharing my self-care journey on Instagram. The more I shared, the more I heard from other mamas how desperately they craved self-care but didn’t know what it looked like or how to implement it. So, I kept sharing everything I had learned and was learning and one day Soul Mind Body Selfcare was born. A few months later I started this blog so I could have a place to write that gave me more space than an Instagram caption. I’ve slowly, steadily grown my mama tribe and hope to continue growing.
Paradigm Shift #4: Self-Care Isn’t Just the Feel Good Stuff
Nursing my sweet third born for the last time. I was about to start some intensive protocols to heal my gut. I also knew deep down my body needed a good, long break.
A series of comprehensive tests revealed/confirmed I had borderline Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, multiple food sensitivities, leaky gut and two different gut infections. I went on a strict elimination diet for two months, cutting out several reactive foods including coffee, alcohol, eggs, yeast and gluten. I followed several different protocols to heal my leaky gut, detox my liver, support my adrenals and get rid of my gut infections. In order to do the protocols for the gut infections, I needed to wean my third baby at 16 months. Which isn’t early by any means, but he could have kept going and it made me sad not to be able to nurse him for as long as he wanted.
But sometimes self-care looks like sacrifice. During the fall and winter of 2019 I really ramped up my self-care on all the levels. I started meditating, dry brushing, visiting the sauna, using a castor oil pack, utilizing adaptogens, practicing moon cycling, getting massage, taking regular detox baths. You name it, I was doing it. We started trying for another baby and I wanted to be as healthy and strong as possible.
Of course, in January I (along with all the family) got the horrible flu that was going around. It set me way back. I didn’t feel like myself for weeks and was still dealing with lung congestion, low energy and relapses a month later. A month after that I experienced hair loss due to the stress of the sickness. Which is just amazing…I don’t even want to know what it would have done to my body if I hadn’t already been so focused on my health and self-care on every level.
A few weeks after that, in mid-March of 2020, we found out I was expecting. Not exactly how I’d hoped to step into a new pregnancy. And it so happened to be the same week of the full moon, day light savings and when all of the Covid-19 stuff hit the fan. It was an intense time on a spiritual, emotional and mental level…let alone on the physical level.
All the lessons I had learned over the previous 8 years came full circle. It felt a little like ground zero once again. Where the rubber meets the road. Almost like a new beginning of some sort. I’m still navigating it. Because this is a journey. There’s no finish line in this life and that’s okay. The beauty and growth and transformation is in the process.
To recap, here are four big lessons I’ve learned so far on my self-care journey:
Big Lesson #1:
Addressing the physical is so necessary and might need to happen first before you can think about anything else. Healing physically will bring you to a place where you can actually start thinking about healing emotionally and mentally and deciding exactly what you require to thrive.
Big Lesson #2:
Setting boundaries is key. You have to learn to say no. You have to learn to make yourself and your immediate family priority over anything and everyone else.
Big Lesson #3:
On that note: stop playing the martyr. No one can read your mind. No one is going to magically meet your needs without you asking. Ultimately you have to take responsibility for caring for yourself. Determine what you need to thrive and then meet your needs or communicate them clearly to those who can.
Big Lesson #4:
One step at a time. One day at a time. Nothing worthwhile happens over night. It’s called a journey for a reason. There’s no medal for the first person across the finish line because there is no finish line. At least not in this world. What matters is that you are learning and growing and moving forward one step at a time.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
I shared that sentiment in an Instagram post recently after I got notice that Instagram had flagged something I shared as “false information.”
While I’m not here to talk about that, I AM here to talk about the obvious war we’re engaged in – for our way of life, for our freedoms, for our families, for our motherhood and for – most importantly – our children.
So, how do we guard our children’s innocence in an age of such flagrant perversion? Emboldened evil that seems to be spilling out from everywhere we turn? So many voices telling us what we can/can’t do? How we can/can’t raise our children? So many opinions about what is true and what is not?
In light of all the recent highlighting of perversion, the veil between good/evil feeling very thin, the upheaval in our personal lives, communities, states, nation and the world – I couldn’t not address this topic. And when I put up a poll on Instagram, it seems that it’s something heavy on your hearts as well.
My children are still young so I’m not writing this article from a place of “this worked for us as parents.” Rather from a place of “we know what worked for us/didn’t work for us growing up” and “this is what our hearts and guts are telling us as we seek the Lord for wisdom in raising our own children.” It’s a place of learning, growing and applying in real time.
Raising my kiddos has seemed pretty straight forward up until this year. I’m not saying easy, but straightforward. The road map seemed pretty clear. I know things tend to get deeper, more involved and nuanced as children get older, become more independent, deal with more varied situations. Life goes from changing poopy diapers, sweeping up crumbs, kissing boo boos to getting drivers licenses, smartphones, the world of the internet, dating relationships, and leaving home.
By using the term “guard,” I am not advocating that we hide our kids under a rock. I am not advocating that we hide the truth from them. I am not advocating that we produce mindless robots who can’t think or reason for themselves and only follow the rules. That sort of approach always backfires.
I am advocating the exact opposite of all those things.
I am advocating that we protect our children’s innocence in a world that is constantly trying to rob them of it. That is our job as parents!
I am advocating that we guard, protect, nurture, teach, guide, and equip our children so that when they do go out into the world on their own they are supported, fortified, armed, ready and confident in who they are, what they believe and what is true.
So, let’s dive in. Here are some practical ways we plan to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. I hope it’s inspiring, encouraging and a solid springboard for how you are approaching the current times with your own children.
“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16
Lead them to Jesus.
I don’t mean this tritely. I mean this very practically. The reality is that we can’t guard our children from every evil. We can’t be there every second. We can’t solve every problem or right every wrong.
Only Jesus can.
Ultimately the greatest guide, defense and support our children will ever have is a solid, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here are a few practical ways we are leading our children to Jesus:
We are transparent with them. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we know it all or never make mistakes. We are sinners, too, who need a Savior. We aren’t perfect, we don’t have all the answers, we have limitations and only Jesus can meet their deepest needs.
We make it clear to our children that Jesus is the only One who will always be there for them, never let them down or fail them. He is the only One who has all the answers and can be the perfect Guide. Basically, we preach the Gospel to them every chance we get.
We read the Bible with them consistently and memorize scripture together so that the truth has a chance to impact their hearts.
We teach them that doing the right things is all well and good but that it ultimately means nothing if their hearts aren’t right. God cares about our heart more than all of our good deeds.
Be picky about where, how and with whom they spend their time.
Where
Where our kiddos go is so important. I am far from a hover-er or helicopter mom, but I am super picky about where my kids go without me. Especially when they are too young to talk and too young to defend themselves.
It’s our privilege as parents to be their safety, their haven, their defense. We shouldn’t abdicate that prematurely.
It’s our job to make sure our children are not placed in unsafe circumstances. Whether its Sunday School, extended family, daycare, a neighbor’s house, etc, we have to actively vet their surroundings and not let anyone guilt us by telling us we’re being too picky or we’re sheltering our kids too much.
We get one shot with our kiddos and no one is responsible for their safety but us. No one will be held accountable for our children but us.
How
Be present and engaged when they are consuming media. Limiting screen time and setting clear boundaries around screens is a good start. Using the media they do consume as a springboard for honest conversation is key.
Be present and engaged when they are consuming anything really. Reading books, play dates, relationships with the neighborhood kids or extended family, everything.
It’s not about making sure they never see or hear anything untrue. It’s all about making sure they know the difference between the truth and a lie.
And if we are present and engaged, they know we care, we are building trust with our kids so that they feel free to share with us, ask us questions and bring us problems.
Who
There’s a reason for the saying “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Because who we spend our time with is who we will become. Same goes for our kids.
It’s so important to teach our children to pursue worthy relationships. To be discerning in who they spend time with and who they allow into their inner circle.
This is all apart of setting healthy boundaries. It is necessary and good and a life-long skill that will serve them well.
Here are a few practical ways we are picky about where/how/with whom they spend their time:
We are very careful about where our children go. This will change as they grow and mature and become stronger to defend themselves. But, right now, we are their main line of defense and they are still young and vulnerable.
We talk to them about how the eyes are the windows to the soul. It’s critical that we be wise in what we watch. Once it goes in, it’s very very hard to get it out. We have to make wise choices in order to protect our minds and our hearts. Even moms and dads! No one is “above” this principle.
We are teaching them how to set healthy boundaries. The earlier and younger kids learn this, the better. It is good to love all people because they are made in the image of God, but that doesn’t mean we give all people access to our hearts or our inner circle. Only a few select people are allowed to enter there.
Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations.
Always at an age appropriate level, of course, but have those conversations none the less. Pray for wisdom, pray for the words. Be clear, concise. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth with your children. They know when adults are being less than genuine.
Rules for the sake of rules are not enough. Children want to know the “why” and that’s healthy and good! We want to raise critical thinkers, not mindless robots.
Be clear about why they can/can’t do certain things, what your expectations are and why. Be honest with them. This will keep both you and them accountable. Let them ask questions and don’t be afraid to answer honestly. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t have the answer if you don’t.
Go to Jesus together. Pray with them for wisdom. Pray over them that God will give them wisdom as they grow.
If we have the hard conversations from a young age, we will be able to have the hard conversations as they grow. It will become apart of daily life, apart of our relationship with each child. Open communication lines are so key.
Teach critical thinking skills from a young age.
We are missing this in our society. It seems very few people know how to use their brain to search out and find the truth. To reason and solve problems on their own. To reach logical conclusions based on the facts.
Criticial thinking doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It is a skill that must be taught. If we aren’t teaching our children this skill from a young age, they will have loads of problems being successful in life. It’s easy to let others think for you, to tell you what is true and to mindlessly consume information without stopping to ask if it’s legitimate or not.
Learning [+ therefore teaching our children] how to think critically takes time, thought, consistency and loads of patience. It’s hard work.
It’s totally, 100% worth it. Because we don’t want mindless robots. We want strong, wise, informed Truth Seekers. We want children who grow into adults that know right from wrong, truth from lies and aren’t afraid to call a spade a spade.
Here are some ways were teaching our kids the skill of critical thinking:
We encourage them to solve their own problems whenever possible.
We routinely discuss current events at an age appropriate level.
We expose them to all sorts of view points and teach them to go to Jesus and His Word for the truth.
We let them ask questions and we give our best answers. Or we tell them we don’t know and we find the answer together.
We teach them history. Real, living history, so that hopefully, prayerfully they are not doomed to repeat it.
Maintain open lines of communication.
If we connect with our children on a consistent basis, on their level, joining in their interests, entering their world when they are little, they will be much more apt to let us do so when they’re older. The stakes are always high. Communicating regularly with our children on a daily basis is so important.
One way I’m doing that right now is by spending 10 minutes of concentrated time with each kiddo daily. This initially felt like a lot and not enough at the same time, but it’s been so good for them.
A few other ways we keep open lines of communication with are kids are:
I choose to stay at home. It’s a sacrifice on my levels but also a true joy. It’s not easy, but it is worth it to have these few, short years with my babies as they are growing. I know the word privilege is being thrown around a lot these days, but I mean it when I say: staying at home with my kids while they are little is one of the greatest privileges of my life.
We choose to teach them at home. Homeschooling, unschooling, alternate schooling, whatever label you want to slap on it… we believe that our children are our greatest resource. And we don’t want to give anyone more time or more influence over them than we have ourselves. No childcare provider or teacher will be held accountable for our children; we will as their parents.
We make sure our children know they can ask us anything, talk to us about anything at any time. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is too small or silly. When they do come to us, we try our very best to give them our undivided attention.
Employ safe guards.
Our kiddos are still little, so safe guards are pretty straight forward right now. Here are a few we employ regularly:
We pray over our children every day. That God would protect and preserve them and surround them with His peace.
We don’t let them go anywhere without us unless we are 100% comfortable with the situation.
We are very picky about who watches them.
We talk to them about their bodies and teach them proper terminology. We teach them what is private, what is appropriate, etc, and what to do if anyone ever violates their privacy in any way or makes them feel uncomfortable.
We limit their access to screens and make sure they are on child-safe settings.
A note for parents of older kids: I’ve heard amazing things about Gabb Wireless for teens who need a phone. No sponsored or affiliated. They offer phones that have calling/text/GPS/camera capabilities that looks like a smartphone but doesn’t have internet access or the ability to download apps. I kind of want one for myself.
There you have it! Practical ways to guard our children’s innocence in an age of perversion. Not a light subject, I know, but a super important one.
Have any questions? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. My eBook Practicing Self-Care with Littles is launching soon! Get on the waitlist HERE and receive a special, early-bird discount price when it releases.
