Selfcare is about being consistent in the little things.
It’s about the day-in-day-out caring for yourself, mama. Using the little pockets of your days to re-fill your cup, to minister to your mind, soul and body. It’s about weaving in simple practices that move the needle.
What are those things for you?
The other evening while I was taking some time to recharge at the end of a long day, I started thinking about the selfcare practices I absolutely love that move the needle for me.
The game changers.
Some of them cost money (well spent), but some of them are completely free. All of them have a special place in my selfcare toolbox.
Here they are:
1.) Red light therapy.
I got mine second hand. You can find them refurbished or buy at the year-end sales. But I would pay full price for mine in a heartbeat. It’s that good. I have a Plantinum LED Bio 300 but there are so many good ones on the market. Do your research and get one that fits your needs.
I use mine multiple times a day. I sit in front of it in the morning and evening. If any of my little fam are feeling under the weather, I get them in front of it. My husband uses it for athletic recovery. It basically energizes your cells to do what they were created to do. There are so many great places to find more in-depth information and learn how to take your wellness to a new level using red light. I’m encouraging you to dive in, mama!
2.) Legs up the wall pose.
I do this whenever I’ve been on my feet a lot (every day, ha) and they are feeling tired and sore. I do it when I feel out of sorts. I do it when I need a quick energy boost and when I need to zen out. I’ve read that this pose is equivalent to a 15 min nap. It’s very restorative. All you need is a wall, a pillow if you like and 10-15 minutes.
To get into the pose, sit sideways with your left hip against the wall, lay down and turn on your back to put your legs straight up the wall. Scoot your bum as close as you can to the wall and relax. To come out of the pose, reverse the movement and sit up slowly. Repeat as often as necessary.
3.) Accupressure mat and neck pillow.
I have this mat and pillow set. I leave it out on my rug at the end of my bed so I see it whenever I walk into the room. I use it a lot more that way. I like to use it when I do my legs up the wall pose. I love to lay on it before I get into bed for the night. I use the pillow to wake up in the morning if my neck or shoulders feel tight. It’s amazing.
If you aren’t sure about acupuncture (it’s amazing, too, btw) or you can’t swing those appointments right now, this is a wonderful alternative to ease you into this ancient form of restorative healing.
4.) Daily sunshine.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it. So many benefits including boosting the immune system, sleep regulation, increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone) and much more. Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
5.) A morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day. I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring or I am sick (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boosts my energy and get me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
6.) A basic skincare routine.
This has taken me years to settle into. Learning what my skin needs and how to care for it well. I find my routine shifts with the seasons. In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In the winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing.
We all begin our self-care journey somewhere. It’s like a lot of things in life: you might not recognize where you began – what paradigm shift or pivotal moment brought you to the starting line. But years down the road you’ll look back and go “ahhhh, that was it. The beginning.”
That was certainly true for me. I didn’t even know I was on a self-care journey until I was five years in. Looking back I can clearly see each paradigm shift.
Me with my first son. After a very long labor + traumatic birth. So in love but completely + totally overwhelmed in every way.
I didn’t know anything about self-care until after I had my first son in 2013. I had come off several stressful years in my late teens and early twenties, earning my bachelors, working two jobs, putting myself through an intense master program, getting married and having a baby in quick succession. It was a lot of stress (even though a lot of it was obviously good!) and not a lot of recovery time. I remember feeling like I was getting sick one fall while I was deep in the trenches of earning my masters. I told myself I didn’t have time and I just kept pushing forward. That’s just one example of many.
Add to that: I didn’t know how to care for myself even if I’d wanted to. Period. I didn’t know what that looked like. I treated my soul, mind and body like a machine: they did what I told it to and that meant I never really stopped.
Even after my son was born, I didn’t stop. I was up and around just a couple days after a very long, intense and traumatic birth. The midwife was horrified. I remember going to Target, my newborn in a moby wrap, way too soon because I just thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Get back to life, get back to normal.
Oh, man. I could write a book, just on that. How as a society we have lost the beautiful, vulnerable, necessary healing time that is postpartum. I had no clue. No clue what a healing postpartum season looked like. No clue that there was no getting back to my old “normal.” No clue that I had nothing to prove, no one to impress, by pushing myself too hard, too fast.
In fact, it wasn’t until I was around 15 months postpartum that everything began to catch up with me. I was still breastfeeding, had suffered an early miscarriage and my husband was away for six months going through training for a new job that would move us to the other side of the country.
It slowly starting dawning on me that: caring for my baby was only part of the motherhood equation; the other part was learning how to care for myself as well.
This was my first big, paradigm shift. The beginning of my self-care journey. I wasn’t well physically, emotionally or mentally. Our of sheer necessity, I found myself at a naturopath, trying to figure out why I felt like I was falling apart. During the two hour intake session, I ended up sharing things I’d never shared with anyone. I realized then I probably should have been in therapy long before. It was the beginning for me.
Paradigm Shift #2: A Slow Awakening
Me with my daughter. After a very emotionally charged labor and beautiful, birth center birth. I was exhausted on every level. Our postpartum season was good but way too short.
After seeing that first naturopath, I took baby steps towards addressing some physical issues I was experiencing. Skin issues, hair loss, inability to concentrate, wired but tired, prone to depression…so many things pointed to the fact my adrenals were shot. What I couldn’t know at the time was that this was only the tip of the iceberg.
I did start to feel some micro improvements, but I still didn’t have any clue what self-care was or the depth to which I needed it. I did what I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Which is all anyone can do, which is why this is called a journey.
Fast forward to six months postpartum with my daughter at the beginning of 2016. I had been through a super stressful year prior. We had moved across country for my husband’s new job, away from family. We had been through house hunting, found a place and had been working non-stop to fix it up. All while my husband worked 12 hour days and I managed the renovations. Add to that: pregnancy, wrangling a toddler, an emotionally intense delivery, extended family issues…
That time still blurs together. I was overwhelmed, stressed, not sleeping, and I still hadn’t learned what I needed to thrive, how to meet my own needs or how to ask for help. Before I had become pregnant with my daughter, I had been writing my heart out, building a blog, and an email list and I literally hit “delete” on all of it. Just like I had hit delete on all the parts of life that made me…well, me.
I hit rock bottom. I found myself at my parents for a few weeks and, for the first time, I was able to rest, to sit back while my children were cared for by others and actually see them, see myself, have space to think. That’s when I realized again that I needed help.
I found a naturopath in our new area and dove deeper into functional medicine. I still went into my first appointment with a shotgun approach, not really knowing what to ask for or what was priority. Once again I took baby steps towards caring for my physical body. I was diagnosed with candida and got on a regime to treat that. I did a Whole 30 and learned so much about eating whole foods, reading labels and how to cook a lot more things from scratch. Through that whole process I discovered my body [and my skin! It completely cleared up] did so much better without conventional dairy.
Addressing the physical was good. It brought me to a place where I could actually start thinking about what I required to thrive. How I should care for myself. What I needed most. It helped clear some of the brain fog and the nagging physical symptoms that distracted me from working on deeper issues.
The clearer mind brought me to counseling and starting to do the hard work of setting healthy boundaries. I am not by nature a strong willed person, but I became strong willed when it came to my own self-care. I learned the importance of saying no, of prioritizing myself and my family over what others thought or wanted. I realized I had to stop playing the martyr. No one could read my mind. I had to get to know myself better, understand what made me thrive, and learn to meet those needs and how to communicate them. I had to take responsibility for caring for myself.
I began practicing yoga and I fell in love with how it married movement and breath and brought restoration to not just my physical health, but my my mental health as well. I’ve been practicing yoga for almost five years now and nothing helps me feel more at home in my body or my mind faster.
Around the same time I started yoga, I embarked on a mission to not just organize our home, but completely declutter it. Get rid of everything that we didn’t love or use. Of course, my mission wasn’t quite that clear at first. I just knew that too much stuff overwhelmed me and I was tired of trying to organize it only to turn around and find it a jumbled mess two minutes later. So I started decluttering, space by space. Month by month. It’s been a journey in and of it’s self. A long learning process. Like peeling away the layers of an onion. But, truly, decluttering our home, our schedule, my expectations, my brain, everything has been a huge game changer in my self-care journey.
Paradigm Shift #3: Starting to Share My Journey
Me with my third baby, our second boy. Having him felt like coming home. He brought healing that I didn’t know I needed, on levels I didn’t know existed.
The spring my third baby was born was one of the most beautiful seasons of our life for so many reasons. We had just finished a long, arduous process of selling our house, moving to a new town, living in a rental paying double payments, battling lots of sickness (I was sick for two solid weeks before my son was born, coughing until my ribs ached, sleeping sitting straight up in bed at 9 months pregnant, ha).
My son was born, my first successful home waterbirth. It was quick and intense and beautiful. He was perfect and so was our postpartum experience thanks to all the many lessons I had learned and my mom and my husband caring for me, the kids and the house so seamlessly. I spent the first two weeks in bed with my baby and gave myself a full 12 weeks before I started any exercise beyond walking. I let my body heal and didn’t try to rush. It felt so freeing. We finally sold our house and found a new house. The cherry on top was that the baby was our best sleeper yet. It all felt like such a gift.
When my third was about nine months old, I started intentionally sharing my self-care journey on Instagram. The more I shared, the more I heard from other mamas how desperately they craved self-care but didn’t know what it looked like or how to implement it. So, I kept sharing everything I had learned and was learning and one day Soul Mind Body Selfcare was born. A few months later I started this blog so I could have a place to write that gave me more space than an Instagram caption. I’ve slowly, steadily grown my mama tribe and hope to continue growing.
Paradigm Shift #4: Self-Care Isn’t Just the Feel Good Stuff
Nursing my sweet third born for the last time. I was about to start some intensive protocols to heal my gut. I also knew deep down my body needed a good, long break.
A series of comprehensive tests revealed/confirmed I had borderline Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, multiple food sensitivities, leaky gut and two different gut infections. I went on a strict elimination diet for two months, cutting out several reactive foods including coffee, alcohol, eggs, yeast and gluten. I followed several different protocols to heal my leaky gut, detox my liver, support my adrenals and get rid of my gut infections. In order to do the protocols for the gut infections, I needed to wean my third baby at 16 months. Which isn’t early by any means, but he could have kept going and it made me sad not to be able to nurse him for as long as he wanted.
But sometimes self-care looks like sacrifice. During the fall and winter of 2019 I really ramped up my self-care on all the levels. I started meditating, dry brushing, visiting the sauna, using a castor oil pack, utilizing adaptogens, practicing moon cycling, getting massage, taking regular detox baths. You name it, I was doing it. We started trying for another baby and I wanted to be as healthy and strong as possible.
Of course, in January I (along with all the family) got the horrible flu that was going around. It set me way back. I didn’t feel like myself for weeks and was still dealing with lung congestion, low energy and relapses a month later. A month after that I experienced hair loss due to the stress of the sickness. Which is just amazing…I don’t even want to know what it would have done to my body if I hadn’t already been so focused on my health and self-care on every level.
A few weeks after that, in mid-March of 2020, we found out I was expecting. Not exactly how I’d hoped to step into a new pregnancy. And it so happened to be the same week of the full moon, day light savings and when all of the Covid-19 stuff hit the fan. It was an intense time on a spiritual, emotional and mental level…let alone on the physical level.
All the lessons I had learned over the previous 8 years came full circle. It felt a little like ground zero once again. Where the rubber meets the road. Almost like a new beginning of some sort. I’m still navigating it. Because this is a journey. There’s no finish line in this life and that’s okay. The beauty and growth and transformation is in the process.
To recap, here are four big lessons I’ve learned so far on my self-care journey:
Big Lesson #1:
Addressing the physical is so necessary and might need to happen first before you can think about anything else. Healing physically will bring you to a place where you can actually start thinking about healing emotionally and mentally and deciding exactly what you require to thrive.
Big Lesson #2:
Setting boundaries is key. You have to learn to say no. You have to learn to make yourself and your immediate family priority over anything and everyone else.
Big Lesson #3:
On that note: stop playing the martyr. No one can read your mind. No one is going to magically meet your needs without you asking. Ultimately you have to take responsibility for caring for yourself. Determine what you need to thrive and then meet your needs or communicate them clearly to those who can.
Big Lesson #4:
One step at a time. One day at a time. Nothing worthwhile happens over night. It’s called a journey for a reason. There’s no medal for the first person across the finish line because there is no finish line. At least not in this world. What matters is that you are learning and growing and moving forward one step at a time.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
A while back on Instagram stories, I put up a poll asking if people struggled with knowing how to care for their minds. A majority said yes.
So, here I am to talk about caring for our mental health in specific and holistic ways. Because how we care for our minds affects how we care for our souls which affects how we care for our bodies. It’s all connected.
And even though caring for our minds can seem rather nebulous and elusive, it’s extremely important. And probably a lot more simple than we even realize. In this article I’m going to share ten ways we can care for our minds.
Let’s dive in…
1.) Do a social media detox.
Let’s start with the big hitters first. There’s no reason to beat around the bush. We live in a day and age when we are bombarded 24/7 with information. Non-stop news. Non-stop pings. Non-stop notifications. Non-stop. Of course this is going to affect our mental health.
Also, our social circles have exploded. They used to contain only immediate family and close friends with maybe a handful of distant relatives or acquaintances. Now with social media we are literally invited into intimate moments of peoples’ lives whom we’ve never met, will never meet. One minute you’re scrolling through the Explore tab on Instagram and the next minute you’re crying reading someone’s post about how their child just died of a brain tumor. We were not meant to carry the scope of burdens we carry.
This doesn’t even cover the struggle with comparison, remaining authentic, being present in our off-screen lives… Perhaps another blog post for another time? Yes, and here it is if you’d like to read it.
So let’s detox. Regularly. Delete the apps. Put the phone in airplane mode. Better yet, just turn it off. Unplug. Let it rest. It will be there tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now. Heck, what did we do before social media? We lived our lives, but with a whole lot less stress and mental overwhelm. Social media can be an amazing tool…when it’s used appropriately. Let’s use it but with firm boundaries.
TRY:designating a day or two a week where you are totally social media free. Maybe even take a longer sabbatical, like a week or two every quarter. See where it leads you. At the very least: turn off your notifications.
I can’t talk about mental health with out talking about this. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it sucks. At first. Maybe for a long time. It’s not easy to give up our crutches, especially our mental ones. But it needs to be said: over consumption of sugar, alcohol, gluten and conventional dairy in particular are detrimental to our mental health. They contribute to so many diseases and cause inflammation to run rampant in the body.
I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I haven’t done. I did a strict elimination diet last May and June. I cut out sugar, alcohol, gluten and dairy (plus a few other foods I discovered I was sensitive to) for 60 days. It wasn’t easy, but I felt immeasurably better. I don’t advocate elimination diets for the long term; I definitely feel like the mental health benefits start to wane around the 60 day mark, simply because restriction can mess with your head.
But that elimination diet helped me see how good I could feel without all the junk. And I eat some of the items I cut out now sparingly, in moderate amounts, on special occasions. I don’t feel deprived, in fact, I feel free knowing that I’m caring for my body so I can feel my best.
I’m currently back to cutting gluten out entirely. I feel it’s what is best for me in this season, to support my body and promote deeper healing. Anyways, that’s a little bit of my journey just so you know I’m not just spouting off things you should do without the actions to back them up. I’m with you, mama. You’re not alone.
TRY: an elimination diet. Give up sugar, alcohol, gluten and dairy for at least 30 days, 60 days if you’re brave. See how you feel. It’s possible you might have more mental clarity than you’ve had in years.
I was totally burned out after I finished my masters degree. I read so many books. I wrote so many words. Then I met my husband and our whirlwind fairy-tale began. A little over a year later we welcomed our first child and then…life. It can get away from you if you’re not intentional.
What I’m proposing is to be active with your learning. Intentional. Focused. Make a list of your interests, passions, the subjects that really light you up. It can be anything. Remember: we’re not in school any more. Anything goes. There’s no failure or grades or task lists. Learn for the sheer love of learning. And when I say be active, I mean don’t be passive only. Because I believe we’re all learning all the time. Learning is something that comes naturally to us as human beings. But we can get burned out, distracted, overwhelmed, busy with life and we make the excuse that we just don’t have the time. But we do. We just have to carve it out. Be willing to actively learn. This will go so far when it comes to caring for our minds. What we put in is what we get out.
TRY: keeping a running list of books you want to read, courses you want to take, areas of interest you want to study. Get a library card, sign up for Audible, download podcast episodes so they’re ready to go. Create learning rhythms in your days: i.e. Tuesday evening is screen-free and you curl up with a book and a warm drink… or Saturday you steal away to a coffee shop to listen to a podcast or work on a course in something that interests you. Take it as far as you want to go.
Let’s break this down so it doesn’t sound so “pie in the sky” as it always has for me. Especially if you’re a mom of little ones and you feel like your head is about to explode most of the time. Like HOW can I possibly practice being anymore present. I’m needed 24\7 and I just want to escape. I get it. I live it, too. Motherhood is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done.
But I’ve realized that my mental health depends on being mindfully aware of the present moment. Here are some specific ways I’m working towards that goal:
Limiting social media and screens in general
Practicing yoga daily
Accepting help so that I have more mental space to be present
Learning how to breathe more deeply and fully
Meditation
Journaling my prayers
Keeping a gratitude list
Establishing key rhythms that anchor my days and weeks
TRY: any or all of the above. But also try making space and some time to sit down and really get honest with yourself: what do you need personally to feel more present in your life? Write down your answers and then take action. Everyone’s journey will be different.
This is such a useful tool. I love to do this before bed, but really anytime that I am feeling overwhelmed. It’s just what it sounds like: I dump all the stuff that is swirling around in my brain out on a piece of paper or the notes app in my phone. When I see it all in black and white what I thought were big things look smaller and sometimes the seemingly smaller things jump out at me and I realize they need to be made priority.
TRY: grabbing a piece of paper or a notebook, a pen and a few minutes of quiet. Write down anything and everything that comes to mind, no matter how little or insignificant it seems. Clear it all out of your brain. Once it’s on paper, you can see it for what it is. Then you can prioritize or scratch it out or just let it be. Let it go.
Few things have done more for my mental health than learning how to set boundaries. It’s not easy. It can be really hard and heart breaking. And it doesn’t come over night, it takes time and it’s really a life-long journey. But boundaries are essential to mental health. I went through an intense season after my second baby was born where everything came to a head. I struggled with being anxious, irritable, frazzled, depressed and angry… the truth is I still do at times because that’s life and we live in a broken world. But learning how to set boundaries has eased those things considerably. It’s made my confidence and peace soar. It’s been a game changer.
Here’s the truth, mama: you can’t be all things to all people all of the time. Something has to give. And if it’s always you, you’re going to burn out and end up resenting yourself and those you love most. And that’s no good for anyone.
TRY: identifying a problem area in your life, identify your limits in that area and then setting clear boundaries based on those limits. I wrote a whole blog post on this topic and you can read more here.
They say that physical clutter is mental clutter, and I have found that to be very true. Maybe you have, too, mama? When my physical surroundings are chaotic, so is my mind. And when I can’t control all of the chaos, it certainly helps that I can control the amount of clutter in my life. We get to decide, mama, what stays and what goes. What is serving us, what we love and use and need, and what we don’t.
It is simply amazing to me how decluttering a physical space in my home or decluttering my phone apps or camera roll or people I follow on social media or bookmarks on my browser or events on my schedule or tasks on my to-do list instantly lightens my mental load as well.
If you feel the need to de-clutter your whole house, have at it. But if you don’t know where to start or want to start slow, start with the pain points, the trouble spots.
A few examples:
The mudroom/laundry room situation.
The kitchen cabinets.
The bathroom vanity.
The car.
Your closet.
The kiddos’ toys.
TRY: picking a trouble spot, setting the timer for 20 minutes and decluttering your heart out. Have three bags: throw away, give away and sell. When you’re done with your trouble spot or the timer goes off, take the three bags and do what you need to do with them: dump it in the trash can, put it in the donation box, or take pictures and list to sell.
Do you ever feel like your brain is on fire and you need some fresh air just to cool it off? Just me? Ha. Simply getting outside for 5-10 minutes makes such a difference in my mental health. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, just stepping outside barefoot on the ground and taking some deep breaths helps so much. Sometimes I’m able to hike a local trail. Sometimes it’s a walk in the neighborhood. In the summer, we try to fit in several camping adventures or longer day hikes. In the winter, we bundle up to walk around the backyard or sit in a sunny window.
Any little bit helps. It helps me re-frame, reset. Just getting fresh air in my lungs can rejuvenate me, get me out of my own head and more into my body. Nature is an amazing thing.
TRY: going for a walk, doing some stretches outside while the kiddos play, laying on a blanket in the yard, sitting in a sunny window with a good book, planning a hike in a local nature preserve or – go big or go home – a trip to a sunny, outdoorsy destination like Glacier National Park.
In our modern society almost everything we do revolves around some sort of screen or another. Which is amazing progress, some of it absolute magic, like FaceTiming loved ones who are far away. But screens can also steal our mental peace if we let them and even cause physical symptoms like headaches, eye strain, disrupted sleep from blue light exposure or disrupted cell function from EMF exposure. Just to name a few.
It’s refreshing and healing for our minds to do something that doesn’t involve a screen. Like journaling in an actual notebook with a pen. Writing a snail mail letter to a friend. Flipping through a magazine in the bath. Reading a hard copy book in bed at night. Let’s give our brains a break from over stimulation by giving the screens a rest.
TRY: any of the above. Also, try designating screen-free times in your days or weeks. i.e. no screens before you’ve done your morning rhythms or no screens two hours before bed. Maybe you do a screen-free evening a week where you read books, play games or talk instead.
Relieve some of your mental load, mama. We do so much every day. It’s good and it’s beautiful, but it’s also hard and exhausting. There is nothing wrong with removing some of the burdens, delegating some of the tasks, outsourcing jobs or automating shipments of things you need and use all the time.
Every season is going to look different. Some seasons you’ll have more margin and energy and others will lean super heavy on the automation and outsourcing. And that’s okay. The important thing to remember is this: you were not meant to operate beyond a certain mental capacity without relief. When we’re over-extended and over-whelmed and over-worked all of the time, it will eventually lead to a break down.
So, accept the help, mama, but if the offers don’t come, go out and get it. Ask for it. Hire it. Pay for it. Because your mental health is worth every penny.
TRY: looking at your to do list and determining if anything can be outsourced or automated. Think about: having your groceries delivered, a meal service to deliver ready-made meals or meal kits to cover a couple nights a week, subscriptions to items you routinely purchase and need, a house cleaner to do a monthly deep clean, or automating all your bill pay.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
Let’s care for ourselves,
Hannah
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Everything health + wellness I share here is based on my own personal experience and research. Be your own advocate, mama. Search, ask, dig. Research and find the answers you need. You are worth it.
Today I want to talk about caring for our spiritual health in specific and holistic ways. Because how we care for our souls affects how we care for our minds which affects how we care for our bodies. It’s all connected.
And even though caring for our souls can seem a little woowoo or “out there,” it’s everything. So I want to try and make it accessible and applicable to every mama, everywhere. In this article I’m going to share ten ways we can care for our souls in consistent, tangible, life-changing ways.
Disclaimer: I’m coming from a specific worldview in this article. I am a born-again believer in Jesus Christ. I have a personal relationship with Him. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins and the sins of everyone who has ever or will ever exist, that all we have to do is accept that free gift in order to be saved, that He was buried and that He rose again three days later. I believe I can speak to Him anywhere, anytime without anyone else mediating. I believe that every word in the Bible is infallible truth. And I believe that when I die, I’m going to be instantly present with Jesus.
Let’s dive in…
1.) Immerse yourself in truth on a daily basis.
In our modern world we are bombarded day in an day out with bad news. Truly. It almost feels inescapable sometimes. We certainly can’t control all of it unless we want to live in a bubble, but we can control a lot of it.
We can choose who we follow on social media platforms.
We can choose what shows and movies we watch.
We can choose whether or not we tune into the news.
We have a lot of choice in the matter. Bottom line. We may not be able to control anyone or anything else, but we are in control of ourselves.
So how do we immerse ourselves in truth on a daily basis? The number one way I do this is by reading the Bible every day. Almost always first thing in the morning before I leave my room. Some days I only have a few minutes, some days longer. Some days I read a chapter or part of a chapter, but I almost always try to read at least one verse that can go with me into my day.
I start by letting truth in, than I move through my day intentionally keeping the lies out. I don’t watch or read the news. I don’t follow people on social media who don’t speak the truth or lift me up. If I feel doubts or fears creep in, I ask for God’s protection. I’m not always as quick as I should be to recognize spiritual attacks, but I’ve learned a lot over the years and am better able to spot the tell tale signs.
I finish every day by praying physical, mental and emotional protection over myself and my family. I literally pray for God to send His warrior angels to guard us as we sleep.
TRY: Making it a point to read a verse or a chapter before even getting out of bed. Pick a book of the Bible to work through verse by verse, download the YouVersion app and choose a Bible study to read through, check out SheReadsTruth and use one of their studies (it’s free to read online and you can even have it automatically emailed to you each day). Pray through out the day, pray for protection, be specific – pray that the lies of the Enemy would be silenced and that truth would reign in your heart. Unfollow people you need to unfollow, turn off the news, be the gate keeper of your mind.
2.) Practice gratitude.
There is a whole lot of rough stuff happening in the world right now. Which is to be expected because we live in a broken world and this is not our home. So much difficulty and hardship and unknowns and pain and suffering and spiritual oppression. It’s real.
So, I’m not telling you to play Pollyanna and sweep all that under the rug, live in denial. I am telling you that practicing gratitude on a regular basis transforms our perspective.
I know it’s been true in my life. When I have felt weighed down by everything around me, naming my gratitude instantly shifts my soul.
My favorite way to practice gratitude is to list five things I’m thankful for each day before I get out of bed. Just five. You could even do this right before bed. Or at both times.
TRY: listing 5 things you’re thankful for each day. You can make it a mental list or you can start a gratitude journal that you add to each day. Find an empty journal and keep it by your bedside. Make it a habit to find those 5 things and I promise you it will bring lightness to your days and your soul.
3.) Harness the power of truth-filled affirmations.
I was pregnant with my third baby, my husband was in Seattle trying to sell our house that wouldn’t sell, I was with our two kids living with my parents in Oklahoma while we were waiting. There were so many unknowns. Fears. I hate being separated from my husband. And, as grateful as I was for my parents’ help during that season, it was really hard to be without a home. In-between. In limbo.
In the midst of everything, I remember praying consistently like I hadn’t prayed in a long time. And I also started writing out truth-filled affirmations that I spoke over myself and my family every day. These were like prayers but spoken as statements of faith.
Do you want to know something? Every single affirmation I wrote on that list became reality. And many of them were HUGE, felt seemingly impossible. Which still blows my mind. I am so grateful that I chose to harness the power of speaking truth-filled affirmations in that season.
TRY: Writing down a list of 3-5 truth-filled affirmations. An example from my list during that season: “We will sell our house at the perfect time for more than we ever thought possible.” Keep the affirmations somewhere you will see them every day. Make time, even just a minute, to read through them out loud. Out loud makes a difference. I know it sounds silly, but the spoken word has power.
4.) Meditate on Scripture.
Tying into the first point because it’s that important. What we fill our minds with will affect the state of our souls. We have to keep the truth front and center.
This is why I like reading my Bible first thing in the morning. Usually at least one verse or a part of a verse will jump out at me. It’s a piece of truth I can take with me into my day.
I’ll either write it down at the top of my to do list or simply call it to mind periodically. Either way, I’m intentionally taking truth into my day and keeping it at the forefront of my mind. On the days I do this, the impact on my soul health is huge.
TRY: Asking the Holy Spirit to show you truth when you’re reading the Bible. Take that piece of truth with you into your day. Create a lock screen for your phone, write it on your to do list, jot it down on an old-fashioned index card and keep it where you will see it often.
5.) Make time to dream without limits.
It might feel silly at first, but remember how natural it felt as a kid? To daydream. Let your imagination run wild. To think about all the things you wanted to do without coming up with reasons why you couldn’t.
Do more of that. Tap into your inner child. Don’t make excuses. Don’t over think it. Just let yourself dream. This is so vital to the health of our souls. God wouldn’t create us with the capacity to dream if He didn’t intend us to utilize that capacity our whole life long.
TRY: Making space to sit and dream. Grab a notebook and a pen. Or your laptop. Even the notes app on your phone. Just sit and dream. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Write down three things you would do if money and time were not an object. Start there. Let yourself dream without any qualifications.
6.) Declutter anything that holds you down.
And I do mean anything. In an area of your life. But certainly just plain, old stuff that piles up in drawers and on counters and in corners and under beds weighs us down. It might not seem like it would have an affect on our spiritual state, but it most definitely does. Physical clutter translates to mental clutter translates to emotional clutter translates to soul clutter.
It’s helpful to identify which areas in your home need to be decluttered the most. Which are your biggest pain points? Start with one of those. Set the timer for 20 minutes and declutter. Have a bin for trash, one for giveaway and one for selling (if that’s you’re thing). You might also have a bin for things you need to store. When the timer goes off, take care of everything you decluttered. Do what needs to be done so it doesn’t migrate back to where it came from.
TRY: having a 20 minute decluttering session once a day or even once a week until you’ve hit all the pain points you listed. Take care of everything you declutter right away so it doesn’t migrate back to where it came from. You will feel your motivation grow as you see the results that come from decluttering things that have been holding you down.
7.) Make time to be alone.
I used to resist this. I was afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. It just felt safer to keep going, keep pushing, keeping moving. Then to stop and actually have to face anything that might be impacting me.
But our soul health suffers when we don’t regularly make time to be alone. With ourselves and God. Just there, with no agenda, but to listen or share with Him what’s on our hearts. To breathe in the silence, let our minds rest.
The demands on our souls in this present age is huge. I’m not sure if you’ve felt it, but I have felt a dramatic increase in the spiritual realm over the last few months. It’s palpable and it’s a lot. Add to that just being a human…and then a wife and a mom. So, dealing with other souls on top of my own and all the spiritual “noise” that feels like it’s screaming at me right now.
I need time alone. So do you, mama. Just to be able to think, to process, to cry, to release…whatever it maybe. Don’t be afraid of being alone.
TRY: setting aside a few minutes every day to sit with yourself. To be alone. Bring a journal and a pen. Bring nothing. But bring yourself and do what helps the most. Sitting quietly, expressing any fears or worries, writing out some goals or dreams or prayers. Speaking your affirmations again. Perhaps you need more than a few minutes? Take the car and drive to a sunny spot and just soak up the silence. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A little goes a long way.
8.) Change your scenery.
Whatever this means to you, make it happen. Have an itch to rearrange your bedroom furniture? Your living room? Maybe clear out a closet to make yourself a mini-office?
Or maybe you just need to hop in the car and take a drive, a day trip? Even an over night. Grab your people, all the road snacks, and go somewhere you’ve never been.
Change your scenery. Serve dinner picnic-style on the living room floor. Set up a sheet and projector and watch a movie under the stars. Anything that moves you out of the rut, the mundane and into a new, fresh space. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, but it will certainly breathe life into your soul.
TRY: Any or all of the above. Switch up a room, art on the wall or even how you’ve organized a drawer (it’s good for your brain to get out of autopilot, too!). Research local day trips, find any body of water, pack a picnic and spend the day exploring. Let your imagination lead you.
9.) Be content with what you have + where you are.
Being content isn’t necessarily a trendy topic. It sounds pretty unapproachable and goody-two-shoes. But an amazing thing happens in our souls when we decide to love what we have, right where we are.
Because it is a choice. OUR choice. To stop being consumed with wanting, craving what we don’t have, imagining we were somewhere else other than where we are in this moment. It’s not easy to sit with unfilled desires, to lean into unmet needs or embrace the ache of missing something/somewhere we want.
But learning to be content even (and especially) in the difficult times, the sad times, the hard times fortifies our souls in ways that instant gratification never could. We were never meant to live perfectly fulfilled lives with every need met right when we ask – not here on this earth. That ache reminds us this is not our home.
TRY: naming your discontent when it arises, journal it out, physically open your hands and give it to God. He knows our every need, our every desire. He is good and gracious and gives us only what is very best. Refer to #2: list out all of the things in your life that you are currently grateful for, anything and everything. Naming our blessings snuffs out discontent.
10.) Don’t forget to breathe.
I went years holding my breath. Not always literally…but, yes, sometimes. I would hold it for several seconds at a time without realizing it. When I was stressed, when I was concentrating, when I wasn’t feeling good.
It took me years to learn how to breathe. I’m still learning. To breathe in, breathe out. To let go of what I can’t control.
Breathe with me, mama. Deeply. In through your nose for a count of 4. 1-2-3-4. Hold at the top for 3. 1-2-3. And out through your mouth for a count of 6. 1-2-3-4-5-6.
Repeat when necessary, as many times as necessary. Breathe in peace, breathe out peace. Breathe in joy, breathe out joy. Breathe in love, breathe out love. Keep it going now…
TRY: practicing some deep breathing before you get out of bed, whenever you feel stressed or overwhelmed, in your bath or shower, before you lay your head on the pillow at night. It doesn’t just affect your physical body. It calms your mind and delivers spiritual oxygen straight to your soul.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
It’s about time I wrote this post. Something fun + light that also happens to be steeped in #soulmindbodyselfcare. Who doesn’t want or need more of that, right? I know I do.
Even if all you have is 10 minutes, this is for you. Heck, even if all you have is 2 minutes, this is for you. A little goes a long way.
I am not a makeup or skincare professional by any means. In fact, most days, although I always practice my skincare routine, I often skip makeup. But, maybe it’s everything currently going on in the world or being in the trenches of the first trimester, lately I’ve been craving the color and definition makeup provides on a more regular basis.
The bottom line: whatever makes you feel cared for, tends to your needs, and brings out your truest self – do more of those things.
For me that means a morning and evening skincare routine that usually takes me about five minutes each. The evening skincare routine I’m going to be sharing here is my longer, 10 minute routine that includes removing makeup, exfoliating and a simple gua sha flow.
It also means makeup when the mood strikes. Some days that means a little blush on my eyelids and cheeks, concealer under my eyes, curling my eyelashes and swiping on some lip balm. Somedays it means adding tinted moisturizer, mascara and brows to that. Somedays it means the full routine: primer, eyeshadow, eyeliner and color on my lips, too.
I want to show you what I do, so let’s dive in…
My 10 Minute Daytime Makeup Routine
This routine is quick + simple. I’m going to break it down by 2 minutes, 5 minutes and 10 minutes and then you can choose your own adventure. I’m going to list everything I use and I also have a video of my full routine linked for you so be sure to check that out.
2 Minutes
This is my daily go-to. If I only have a couple minutes or I just don’t feel like wearing much makeup but I still want to feel put together. I put concealer under my eyes, swipe blush on the center of my eyelids and on my cheek bones. Then I curl my eyelashes and add some balm to keep them curled + enhance my natural color. For a final touch, I swipe on some of my favorite lip [everything] balm.
5 Minutes
When you’re feeling like a little bit more. Before I start, I’ll mix some tinted moisturizer in with my face cream to create a nice base. It’s not high coverage, just enough, and it never feels cakey. I do my two minute routine, but add a couple coats of mascara instead of the balm and also swipe on some tinted brow gel to set + shape + fill them in a bit. A little goes a long way.
10 minutes:
This is the full routine. I never do more than this. Once in my life I’ve worn fake eyelashes [and it wasn’t even my wedding day, go figure, ha]. I’m not fancy, but this 10 minute routine is fancy for me. Just the right amount. For a date night or special event or just an average day at home when I feel like dolling up a little.
After the tinted moisturizer and before mascara, I put some primer on my eyelids, then shadow – usually a light color all over + up to my brow, a pinkish tone on my lid + a darker color in the corners to create depth. Then eyeliner with a mini cat wing if you’re brave [I’m not very often] and a color on top of my lip balm.
W3llPeople Bio Tint Multi-action Moisturizer with SPF 30 W3llPeople Bio Correct Multi-Action Concealer W3llPeople Brow Gel Expressionist W3llPeople Expressionist Liquid Eyeliner W3llPeople Expressionist Mascara W3llPeople Nudist Multi-Use Cream in Nude Berry
My 10 Minute Evening Skincare Routine
Skincare is very important to me. I really believe that healthy skin is the best foundation for natural beauty. It elevates everything. When we’re taking care of our skin, makeup is allowed to enhance instead of acting like a mask.
I’m going to share my full-length evening skincare routine. I don’t do all these steps or use all these products every single night. I’ll break it down like I did for my makeup routine.
My Routine
First, I remove makeup if I’m wearing it. I like to take most of it off with my makeup eraser cloth and/or use the oil cleansing method.
Second, I exfoliate once or twice a week (if not more).
Third, I restore my skin’s PH balance by using a toner.
Fourth, I smooth on an oil or serum and do my Gua Sha routine.
Finally, I finish with a healing balm to seal in all the moisture overnight and also swipe some on my lips.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
Rhythms not routines. I first started using that phrase when my daughter was a baby. It was my way of reminding myself that I could still establish constants in the midst of a chaotic and unpredictable season. Like Leonardo DiCaprios’ top in “Inception” – rhythms brought me back to reality and grounded me in the present. They still do. Because life will always be chaotic and unpredictable at times.
One of the biggest keys to transformative self-care is establishing rhythms that work for you.
I believe that establishing rhythms that work for you is so important, I’m going to turn it into a little series. This post will be more of a macro view of rhythms (the why and how). And then in subsequent posts, I will dive into the micro view and what they might look like on a daily, weekly, monthly and seasonal basis.
Sneak peek: one of our favorite weekly rhythms these days? When the big kiddos and I have tea time on Tuesdays. We’re working our way through the She Reads Truth Hebrews study for kids. We sip a warm drink, savor a treat and talk. It’s become a special part of our week.
More on that later. First, let’s talk about WHY rhythms are essential to self-care and HOW to create rhythms that work best for you. Hang with me because I also have a free printable for you.
The Why
The dictionary defines a rhythm as: “a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound.” For our purposes, rhythms are “a strong, regular, repeated pattern of…” #soulmindbodyselfcare. And self-care includes easing the demands of motherhood, the managing of our homes, the caring for ourselves and just life in general.
What I love about rhythms is that they provide a framework, but they’re not ridged or inflexible. I’m a planner who also doesn’t like to feel “stuck,” so rhythms are my happy place. Rhythms are powerful tools for self-care because they can ebb and flow, shift and change as needed. They are a flexible guide that provides structure without suffocating.
The How
Okay, rhythms are helpful and important, but how do you use them in a way that works for you? I’m going to share what our rhythms look like right now and then I’ll share a few steps you can take to establish your own. This is going to be a quick over-view because I plan to go into much more detail in subsequent posts. If you have any questions, drop them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer them!
These are the rhythms that work for us right now. We follow them even on the weekends, too, although a little more relaxed. But I’ve found that I can’t go two solid days without incorporating them in some way. And when I feel a little lost on a Sunday afternoon, I return to the rhythms. With in an hour, overwhelm is quelled and calm is restored.
Weekly
Our weekly rhythms look like:
Monday – morning basket
Tuesday – tea time
Wednesday – adventure
Thursday – art + read aloud
Friday – free
Saturday – solo time + mama date
Sunday – rest + prep for the week
These weekly rhythms really act as anchors for us. They hold me steady when I start to drift and wonder what the heck I’m doing with my life. Ha. The kids love having some thing to look forward to (tea time is the most talked about around here) and I appreciate the level of consistency these rhythms bring to our days.
Monthly
Because the mama is the heartbeat of the home, our months are heavily influenced by my cycle. They always have been, for better or worse, but this past year I’ve really started to embrace it for the wonderful thing it is. Each month is like a mini year with all four seasons and it really is amazing. I detail out what each season looks like below, but that’s essentially what our months look like, too: winter, spring, summer and autumn. I try to plan our month accordingly, knowing when I am higher energy and when I will need to slow way down.
Also, each month I try to make these 5 grounding actions priority, too:
1.) Two Fridays a month my husband and I have date night, whether we go out or stay in, it gives us a regular chance to catch up, go deeper than we’re able on a regular evening and do something fun together.
3.) I focus on refreshing one space on a budget. This month it was the kiddos bathroom and the half bath. I’m so excited with how they turned out. I do my best to use what we have and only bring in what we need.
4.) I do what I call an “office catch up” a couple times through out the month. This is when I will update the budget, go through any paper work, back up the pictures/videos from my phone, catch up our current photo album and our 1 Second Everyday.
5.) I review my goals for the month weekly, but a couple times a month I sit down to reevaluate and around the last week of the month, I’ll look ahead to the new month and set fresh goals.
Seasonal
Our seasonal rhythms tend to look like this:
Winter – Hibernate. Rest, stay at home most days, move slow. Lots of reading + snuggles. Practice restorative self-care: warm drinks, long baths, cozy layers, naps, hearty soups + stews, early bed times.
Spring – Ease out of our cocoon. Decluttering the house/mind/schedule, planting the garden + spending hours outside each day. Practice reawakening self-care. Yoga outside, laying in the sun, mornings on the front porch, weekly hikes, fresh + simple foods.
Summer – We’re alive! Park dates and hiking/river/day trip/camping adventures. Practice energetic self-care. Soak up all the sun, join the kiddos in the water, quiet times spent laying out + reading, lots of time in nature, evenings on the back porch until the sun sets.
Autumn – Slow down. Reflect + re-set intentions. Tune in, savor, draw in. Decluttering the house/mind/schedule. Practice preparatory self-care. Embrace home, warm drinks, let go, stock up on self-care essentials, get to bed earlier.
Grab my Rhythms Guide here. The first page is a copy of our current rhythms to use as a guide, the second page is a step by step guide to creating rhythms that work for you and the third page is a template you can use to record your own rhythms.
These are rhythms that work for us at this time. They’re an example of how rhythms look when you use them as a tool for self-care. And that’s the thing – you have to establish rhythms that work for you, right where you are. NOT ones that work for your friend or your sister or your mother or anyone else. Not ones that will last forever and ever and never need to change. That’s missing the point.
What works for someone else might not work for you. And what works for you now might not work next month or even next week.
So, how do you establish rhythms that work for you, right now, today? Let’s dive in…
How to Create Your Own Rhythms
Print The Rhythms Guide (these steps are included in the guide). Then grab a notebook and a pen and write down what your ideal day would look like. Don’t over think it. Dream big here. Do list-style, bullet journal-style, any-style. Just get it down on paper.
Repeat step one for your ideal week, month and all four of the seasons. Don’t write down what you think it “should” look like or what it looks like now. Write down what you want it to look like – your ideals, your vision, your dream list, the way they would go if it was your choice.
Step back, review everything you wrote down under each section and realize this, mama: it is your choice. Ultimately, it doesn’t just have to be an ideal or a vision or some far-off dream. What you do, how you spend your days, weeks, months, seasons is YOUR choice. You get to decide. It’s your life.
Add, take-away, scratch out, re-write, get each list where you want it to be for right now. Because things will ebb and flow. They will shift and change. Don’t worry about then, just focus on right now.
Use the third page of The Rhythms Guide tofill in your rhythms. Put it somewhere you will see it every day. Maybe tape it to the inside of a cabinet in your kitchen? Put it by your bedside so you see it first thing in the morning? Review it often, refer to it when you start to feel overwhelmed or off-kilter.
Give the rhythms a week or two, see how they work for you. Tweak and shift where you need to. And don’t be afraid to swap days of the week or move things around as you need. Flow with them, let them show you what needs to come or go.
Repeat these steps as necessary. At the new year, beginning of a new season, after a major transition (i.e. a move, a new baby, etc), on a random Wednesday in November when you realize the current rhythms just aren’t working anymore. Save The Rhythms Guide to re-print whenever you need it.
What do you think, mama? Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be sure to answer them.
Last week I wrote a post on 10 Ways to Care for Your Mind. As number one, I suggested doing a social media detox. Easier said than done, I know. And what exactly does that look like? I’m going to #smbsfreestyle this post, so it’s going to read more casual, as if we’re having a face-to-face conversation. I’m going to share why I regularly detox from social media and a few tips for how. It may not be exactly how you want to go about it, but I’m just going to put my two cents out there and you can use it in parts or none at all.
There is an invisible tether between our brains and social media. A magnetic pull in moments of boredom, moments of waiting, moments of overwhelm…all kind of moments. Even the beautiful ones, the precious ones that we should probably just hold close to our hearts instead of broadcasting to the world.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always manage my relationship with social media well. I’m human and I struggle, too. With the silence, the gap, the desire to check out, the need for validation, looking for connection in a screen instead of my loved ones standing in front of me.
Here is my “why”: I can see a direct correlation between my well-being on every level and how much time I’m spending on social media.
If you asked me: “So, HOW do you do a social media detox? What does it look like?”
First, I’d tell you, there’s no right or wrong way. Second, I’d share a few tips I’ve picked up along the way…
Tip #1:
Delete the app(s). If I need a hard reset (which I do often), I delete the app(s). Usually every weekend. But then I take longer sabbaticals every quarter or so, for at least two weeks, sometimes longer.
I use that time to put my phone away and focus solely on what’s in front of me at the moment. I spend a lot of un-distracted time with my people, a lot of time reading, maybe watching some shows, listening to podcasts and writing. I seem to get huge amounts of inspiration and light bulb moments when I’m off social media. Go figure. Fresh ideas mean lots of note taking, journaling, thinking. I also spend time connecting with friends in real life as much as possible and via text or email.
I highly recommend the hard resets (just like our computer or our phone needs to reboot) even if it’s just for one day a week or the weekend or one weekend a month. You decide. It’s a great breather, allows the mind to clear, the thoughts to settle, everything really to just REST. There’s something about knowing the app isn’t even on my phone that frees me from the constant pressure to absorb information, create content, respond to every notification…
But here’s the thing, you don’t have to be doing a hard reset in order to detox from social media. Just like our bodies are always detoxing by default, it makes the most sense for us to be detoxing daily from social media even while we’re using it – especially while we’re using it – and not just waiting for those times we delete the app(s). We need to be supporting ourselves by limiting the “toxins” we come in contact with and making sure all those detox pathways are open.
Which leads me to…
Tip #2:
Turn off notifications. Do you really need to know the second someone likes your post? Nope. In fact, you can even take this a step further and turn off all your phone notifications. Quiet the mental chatter a little. The only time my phone makes a sound (unless I choose to turn my ringer on) is when my husband texts or calls. He gets the special bypass because he’s my priority. Plus the sound of his texts and calls make my heart flutter instead of my adrenaline rush. Amen?
Tip #3:
Choose your social media platform(s) wisely. I am only on one social media platform because I know that’s all that I can handle. Years ago I quit Facebook. I tried Twitter and couldn’t figure out the point. Instagram stuck because I love photography and I’m a visual person. Now TikTok is the rage and I’m just sitting over here watching like I guess this is what it feels like to be old, because I don’t get it.
Anyways, I think a lot of that has to do with me. I get overwhelmed by input very easily. Paralyzed would actually be a better word. Ha. Even just being on one platform, I think about getting off multiple times a week. Just being honest. The only thing that makes me stay… well, two things really: 1.) I believe it is an amazing tool to share my message of self-care and 2.) I’ve made some genuine connections that I would miss.
So, honestly evaluate why you’re on the platforms you’re on. Make sure they are adding more than they’re subtracting from your life. Have clear reasons why you’re staying if you choose to stay.
Tip #4
Set clear boundaries when you’re in the app(s). I only post and story on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I communicate this to my followers so they know my rhythms and what to expect. It also helps me stay accountable to my boundaries. I might hop on to answer DM’s or comments, but I don’t actively “do” social media the other days.
Even still, I am no stranger to the scroll. Some days are hard and long and I’m tired and my brain is mush and somehow scrolling seems easier than being present right where I am. Which sounds so silly as I type that out. I always feel like crap afterwards, never better. There’s never a time when I’ve escaped to the scroll and afterwards been like “Whoohoo! I’m ready to take on life again, I’ve got so much energy now!” Nope. Not once. So, quit the escapism scroll, Hannah. Just quit it.
Caution: mini tangent rant ahead. The Explore tab is my nemesis. I always feel so weird scrolling through peoples’ faces, peoples’ lives when I can’t possibly know or care or connect with more than a tiny handful of them. So, the question I always come away with is: why? I mean, I understand why the Explore tab is there, but why should I scroll through it? I can’t think of a single good reason.
Tip #5
Be very selective about who you follow. I follow very few people for the simple fact that there’s only so much information I can take in on any given day. Also, I am very sensitive to outside stimuli, so I curate my feed to be upbeat, truth-filled, real. I routinely purge who I follow. It’s just how I do because life is too short and, really, it’s just an app.
Let’s all repeat that together:It’s JuSt a FreaKin’ ApP! Puts everything into perspective, right?
Anything else to add, mama? Let me know in the comments.
This post is part of the #smbsfreestyle series. Where I write a stream of consciousness type post once a month. Less structured and more journal entry feel. The topic(s) will be something from my heart about everything from motherhood to self-care (of course) to health + wellness and beyond. More like a relaxed conversation between friends and less like a “how to” lecture with bullet points.
Mama, of all the seasons of the year where you should feel happy, light, peaceful and rested…it should be the holiday season. Our society has manufactured the idea of hustle + bustle, has told us it’s what true holiday spirit looks like, that our kids will grow up hating us and have to go to therapy if we don’t “do Santa” or bake 6 different kinds of cookies or wear ourselves out trying to find the perfect gifts. That’s just not true.
This should be a season of tuning in to the beauty right in front of us. A season of caring for ourselves and our dear ones and extending kindness to those in need. A season of soaking up the simple moments which usually end up being the most profound. This should be a season of making memories: of home, a crackling fire, Christmas stories read aloud, Bing Crosby serenading, and the story of Jesus’ birth lighting the way once again into a brand new year.
Perhaps even more so in 2020 than any other year before: We need peace, we need simplicity, we need quieted hearts, we need rest. We’ve already told our kiddos that this Christmas is going to be a simple, quiet one. No big to-do’s, no crazy happenings, just us – family – soaking up the beauty of the season. We’ve even called a toy moratorium. Except for a few things they need, a few books and learning resources, we’re not expending a lot of time or money on gift giving this year. The season itself and the depth of what it really means – Jesus, Emmanuel, Come to Live Among Us – is what we want to shine out above all else. And, you know what? They complained briefly the first time we mentioned our plan. The next time, not a peep. I think they were starting to understand. We keep repeating our plan periodically and I think I even spotted a bit of relief in their faces this last time. I know I feel relief.
Remember, mama, we have a choice. We have a lot more control over how the holiday season plays out (and our lives) then we often like to admit. Also, there’s this: trueself-care – the kind that is consistent, tangible and life-changing – doesn’t have to cost any money or require large chunks of time. It doesn’t even mean you have to leave your house.
Let’s dive into my top 5 tips for caring for yourself this holiday season…
No.1 Get your sleep.
Sleep changes everything. Any mama knows this is true. It has to be a non-negotiable. Our bodies need 7.5-9 solid hours of sleep every night. On days we’re super active, we might even need a 20-30 minute nap mid-afternoon. Listen to your body. Follow it’s lead. Whatever needs to happen for you to get rest, make it happen.
Set a firm bed time + wake time for the kiddos (they need their rest, too!).
Work together with your husband to make sure you’re both supporting each other in getting rest.
Aim to be in bed a full hour earlier than you want to go to sleep. Read, relax, do a brain dump, unwind and turn out those lights on time.
Limit caffeine after noon and don’t drink alcohol or eat a heavy meal right before bed.
Use black out blinds or an eye mask to block out light.
Keep your bedroom cool for sleeping.
Use white noise or ear plugs to make sure you’re not disturbed (especially if you go to bed before your husband).
A note to mamas with young babies:The first two years with each kiddo can totally be rough, I get it completely. If it helps, don’t look at the quantity of sleep as much as the quality of sleep in those seasons. Work to optimize the sleep you do get. Example: if you can get your longer stretch of sleep each night from 10-2am that’s when our bodies do a majority of the detoxing/restoring/resetting and that will definitely optimize your sleep.
Also, check out Taking Cara Babies if you haven’t already. I’m not getting paid to share about her, but I would pay any amount of money to sleep well in the early months [years!] with my babies. Cara also has so much good information on her blog and IG page for free. Check her out! I’m taking her First Five Months course in preparation for our fourth baby’s arrival.
No.2 Make a daily #soulmindbodyselfcare appointment with yourself.
This means every single day you’re going to spend at least 10 minutes caring for your soul, mind or body. Put it on your calendar, set a reminder, make it happen. If you can give more time, then set aside more time. Go, mama! If you need to spread out the time in smaller chunks over the course of the day, then do that. Whatever works best with your schedule, whatever best meets your needs.
There’s bound to be more sugar floating around during the holiday season. And it’s sometimes difficult to control what you eat and where due to family gatherings and holiday events. But if you start the day out right with a green smoothie (or even sub it for lunch or your afternoon pick-me-up), your body will thank you.
For more on winter wellness, check out my blog post and podcast episode all about why/how/what I stock to support our immune systems through the colder months.
No.4 Carve out quiet time before the day begins.
I know this is easier said than done, but it’s a lifesaver. Even just having 10 minutes to myself, to start the day on my own terms, makes a huge difference in how the rest of the day goes.
This is my typical morning routine right now:
I wake up around 7am, I do my tongue scraping/teeth brushing, splash cold water on my face and use the restroom. Then I apply my favorite face oil or serum (right now it’s this one – bonus: it smells like Christmas) and hop back in bed to do my gua sha routine (if you don’t know what gua sha is, here’s a great tutorial).
Then I dive into my quiet time. Right now I’m reading through the Psalms using a journal Bible. Then I pray through my list of what I call “affirmational prayers” – statements of faith in prayer form. Then I’ll look over my to-do list for the day, check email quickly, reply to any texts and then throw on my slippers and a cozy sweater and make my way out to the kitchen to start the day.
All of that might take me 20 minutes, but I am much more ready to jump into the fray when I’ve had some peaceful moments to myself first. I have a lot more patience and joy and our day just flows better.
Side note for mamas who have early wakers like I do:Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. My kids are in their room until 7:30am. They can use the restroom and they have their waters, but they are in their room with the door closed until it’s time to begin our day together. This is the boundary I’ve set and it works well for us. Do what works best for you, mama, but set those boundaries.
No.5 Say NO to anything that does not light you up.
Let’s make this tip specific to Christmas, although it can be applied to any holiday, birthdays or really any time of year. I love to send our annual Christmas card. It’s my thing. And because I love to send it, it’s fun to create, not a burden. I love having special Christmas mugs for each kid and making hot cocoa with marshmallows every chance we get. I love taking the kids to Hobby Lobby to pick out an ornament each year. I love observing a simple advent. I love making + decorating sugar cookies with the kiddos; we usually do that 2-3 times during the season. I love minimalist decor that melds with the color pallet of our home, that I can keep up through winter season (it’s such a downer to strip the house bare come January 1st).
What I don’t love? Time consuming crafts. Elaborate advent calendars. Lots of decorating that I have to take down/put away/store. Intricate traditions that depend on several different variables to be just right. Intense baking. Going anywhere crowded. Being out late. Being out. Period. Ha. So I don’t. I just say no. In fact, like I said at the beginning of this post, we don’t have anything currently planned for the month of December.
Choose the things you love, that light you up and and leave the rest. Never apologize if your style of savoring the season looks more like staying home in your cozy slippers and reading Christmas books to your kids by the fire. I promise your kids won’t care. All they want is a happy mama, a mama who is caring for herself.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
Mama, do not underestimate the power that decluttering has to lighten your physical and mental load.
No matter what your opinion about Marie Kondo or whether or not you think decluttering is for you… I promise it is. It’s for everyone. And, no, you don’t have to fold your underwear a specific way to benefit from letting go of the things that aren’t serving you.
I’m going to walk you through five simple steps that will help you declutter your mind, your to do list and your physical space. We’re going to talk about brain dumps, turning those brain dumps into action steps, tackling those action steps, riding that momentum into our physical spaces and getting rid of the stuff that holds us back. For good.
Here are 5 simple steps to lighten your physical + mental load:
No.1 Do a brain dump.
Grab a blank piece of paper and a pen. Sit down and just start writing. Anything and everything that is on your mind.Catch up on the laundry. Finish the book on my nightstand. I feel super tired. Do some yoga. Schedule hair cuts for the kids. I really want to soak in the tub tonight. Text my friend to see how she’s doing. Clean out the fridge. Just like that. Freestyle. Get it all out. Feel better?
A brain dump always helps me get every thing that’s been swirling around in my mind down on paper. When I see it in black and white, I can determine what I need to do now and what I can do later. What I’m going to say yes to and what I’m going to let go. At the very least, I’ve decluttered my mind. And a decluttered mind is a quieted mind. Which is to say: hallelujah!
No.2 Turn your brain dump into action steps.
Grab a warm drink… Wait, have you snagged my warm drink guide??? If you haven’t, you can grab it now, whip yourself up one of my favorite recipes and then head back here. I’ll wait. No worries.
Okay, now that you have your warm drink in hand, take that piece of paper that you filled with your brain dump and let’s turn it into something actionable. Take a fresh sheet of paper and divide it into three columns: 1.) Do now 2.) Do later 3.) Let it go. Everything you put on your brain dump sheet goes in one of those three columns.
Tip: it’s helpful to cross out items on your brain dump sheet as you transfer them so you can clearly see where you’re at.
Now that you’ve got that done, let’s take a closer look at column no. 1, the “do now” column.
No.3 Set a timer for 30 minutes + tackle your “do now” column.
Take your “do now” column and number it by priority.Then set that timer for 30 minutes and dig into number one. Yes, just 30 minutes. It doesn’t sound like it will be enough time to get anything done, but I promise it is. I’ve found that when I focus – really focus – for even a short burst of time I am so much more productive.
Keep working until the timer has gone off or you’ve completed your list. If you still have items on your list (which you probably will because life), make an appointment with yourself for tomorrow and do the same thing. Thirty minutes, knock it out. Repeat Steps 1-3 as often as needed.
Phew. Now that you’ve lightened your mental load (and perhaps by default your physical load!), we can move on to decluttering your physical space – your home.
No.4 Make a list of all the spaces in your home.
Okay, we’re going to ride all that momentum you’ve built from tackling your mental space, right out into the physical spaces in your home. This is going to happen in stages, in layers, just like peeling an onion. It’s not going to be once and done in a single sweep. It’s going to take time.
What’s important is starting. We’re going to focus on doing one entire sweep of your home. What I’d like you to do now is make a list of all the spaces in your home, room by room. If you have a rogue closet or storage space or cupboard floating around, write that down, too.
Now, you don’t have to do this step, but it’s been helpful for me so I’m going to mention it. Put a mark by the space or spaces that are causing you the most angst right now. Usually for me, those are my laundry/mud room, the art closet and my closet. Narrowing it down will give you a great place to start the next + final step.
No.5 Choose one space from your list each day + declutter it.
Congrats, mama! You made it to the last step. And this one is so much fun (well, to me, but maybe I’m a weirdo, ha)! It’s tangible and you will feel the results almost immediately. Okay. You’re going to take the list from step 4 and declutter one space per day until you’ve decluttered every space on your list. If you marked the space(es) that give you the most angst, start with one of those. Or, if you feel overwhelmed, start with something small-ish and straight forward like a bathroom or a linen closet.
Either way, choose one space per day to declutter until you’ve worked through your entire house. There are a lot of philosophies out there about how to go about decluttering. I say, do what works best for you. When I declutter, I usually go item by item and make separate piles to give away/throw away/sell. And, honestly, I usually end up giving items away before I spend time trying to sell them, but that’s just me. Unless it’s a big ticket item, it’s usually not worth my time.
Now – and this is key! – after you’ve decluttered every space in your home, load everything up and take it to your local donation center ASAP. No excuses, no delays. If you are decluttering large amounts of stuff, you may want to do a run after every couple of spaces. It’s up to you. Just get it out of your house, out of your trunk and out of your life.
This set of decluttering steps are something I hope you’ll revisit as often as you need to, mama. I know I do. It’s so important to do regular decluttering sessions for our mental health and for the peace of our physical spaces. Remember: it’s not once and done. It takes time to slowly remove the layers. And, as you do, you’ll get braver and braver and better and better at letting go.
This post is part of our #selfcareis series. If you’re new here and not sure where to start, how about reading my self-care story and then jumping on my email list by grabbing My Top 10 Self-care Tips for FREE. I promise I’ll never spam you, mama. My heart is to help you care for yourself well.
November is synonymous with thankfulness. And this year (perhaps as I’m getting older), I feel such a deep gratitude. For every moment, every day with the ones that I love. It’s all a gift. I don’t want to take it for granted. And I don’t want to neglect saying it out loud, acting on it, letting the truth of it transform me.
So, I set an intention for the month of November, to be purposeful about expressing my gratitude. As a way to give feet to my words (or wings?). So it’s more than just a sentiment.
Here’s how I’m walking my intention out:
I start the day with this Psalms of Gratitude study. Of course, you don’t need to get the study and I’m not getting paid to promote it, but it’s been wonderful food for my soul in this season. It’s simple but significant. It’s been a wonderful way to focus my mind before the day begins.
Usually I’ll turn on the fire place, make my warm lemon water and sit down with the study. A wonderful dose of truth right when I need it. Perhaps morning is the best time for you, too? To carve out a little quiet time + soak your heart in God’s truth + tune your mind to thankfulness? Like I said, you don’t need any particular study. Perhaps read + pray through these verses or do a word study on thankfulness or just start keeping a running list of your praises.
I record the things I’m thankful for (big + little). I’ve been using the journal pages in my study to make my lists each day. Sometimes I’ll use the Notes app on my phone. Sometimes I write them out in a caption on Instagram. Another great idea is just to have a piece of paper or a notebook open on the kitchen counter with a pen ready to record what comes to mind in odd moments throughout the day.
I guess the whole point is just to keep your thankful list front and center. To be consistent about recording what your thankful for. I know that if I have a page of things I’m thankful for staring at me, it’s a lot harder to get upset about the little things.
And I know that you might not just be dealing with little things. Maybe there are some big things going on in your life. Hard things. Difficult things. And making a thankful list isn’t to trivialize that…but hopefully to shine some light in the darkness. God is there. He hasn’t left you.
I purpose to give thanks before every meal. I’m horrible at this. It seems so simple, I grew up doing it, yet I forget far too often. In the rush to get everyone fed + happy, food on all the plates, drinks to quench their thirst, and don’t forget about yourself, mama! Feeding yourself is just as important. But I forget to say thanks. Sometimes my daughter will remind me and I feel a pang of guilt.
God sees our hearts, he’s not keeping score. But I still want to remember to pause, take a breath in the chaos of meal time and tell Him thank you. Thank you that we are together. That we have food to give our children, food to nourish our bodies. Thank You that You are with us even when we neglect to acknowledge that You are. Forgive me, Jesus, and help me to acknowledge your presence more consistently.
I verbalize to my husband and children why I am thankful for them. So often these thoughts get stuck in my head and never make their way to my tongue. Other thoughts do. Mostly critical ones. And I want to change that. Instead of speaking criticism, I want to speak thankfulness. I want to build up and recharge and fill the person in front of me.
So I’ve started saying out loud things I’m thankful for about that person, to that person. It changes the dynamic of everything. It changes my heart. It shifts the presence in the room and brightens the eyes. I want to do it more, as much as I can.
How about you, mama? As we step into this holiday season? Now with November half over, we don’t have to consign thankfulness to just one month. Let’s step into every new month, every new day with this heart, this attitude that every moment is a gift. Let’s let our lives be woven through with thankfulness.
Speaking gratitude, giving feet to our thankfulness, this is #soulmindbodyselfcare. It’s foundational. If our hearts are content and brimming with gratitude, then our bodies are going to reflect that. And our minds will conform to that.
What are you thankful for? Won’t you list out a few things in the comments?
This post is the first in our #selfcareis series. If you’re new here and not sure where to start, how about reading my self-care story and then jumping on my email list by grabbing My Top 10 Self-care Tips for FREE. I promise I’ll never spam you, mama. My heart is to help you care for yourself well.
