Selfcare is about being consistent in the little things.
It’s about the day-in-day-out caring for yourself, mama. Using the little pockets of your days to re-fill your cup, to minister to your mind, soul and body. It’s about weaving in simple practices that move the needle.
What are those things for you?
The other evening while I was taking some time to recharge at the end of a long day, I started thinking about the selfcare practices I absolutely love that move the needle for me.
The game changers.
Some of them cost money (well spent), but some of them are completely free. All of them have a special place in my selfcare toolbox.
Here they are:
1.) Red light therapy.
I got mine second hand. You can find them refurbished or buy at the year-end sales. But I would pay full price for mine in a heartbeat. It’s that good. I have a Plantinum LED Bio 300 but there are so many good ones on the market. Do your research and get one that fits your needs.
I use mine multiple times a day. I sit in front of it in the morning and evening. If any of my little fam are feeling under the weather, I get them in front of it. My husband uses it for athletic recovery. It basically energizes your cells to do what they were created to do. There are so many great places to find more in-depth information and learn how to take your wellness to a new level using red light. I’m encouraging you to dive in, mama!
2.) Legs up the wall pose.
I do this whenever I’ve been on my feet a lot (every day, ha) and they are feeling tired and sore. I do it when I feel out of sorts. I do it when I need a quick energy boost and when I need to zen out. I’ve read that this pose is equivalent to a 15 min nap. It’s very restorative. All you need is a wall, a pillow if you like and 10-15 minutes.
To get into the pose, sit sideways with your left hip against the wall, lay down and turn on your back to put your legs straight up the wall. Scoot your bum as close as you can to the wall and relax. To come out of the pose, reverse the movement and sit up slowly. Repeat as often as necessary.
3.) Accupressure mat and neck pillow.
I have this mat and pillow set. I leave it out on my rug at the end of my bed so I see it whenever I walk into the room. I use it a lot more that way. I like to use it when I do my legs up the wall pose. I love to lay on it before I get into bed for the night. I use the pillow to wake up in the morning if my neck or shoulders feel tight. It’s amazing.
If you aren’t sure about acupuncture (it’s amazing, too, btw) or you can’t swing those appointments right now, this is a wonderful alternative to ease you into this ancient form of restorative healing.
4.) Daily sunshine.
When I get into the sunshine it’s literally like plugging myself in to charge. It restores my energy like nothing else. I walk first thing to get that morning sun and help keep my circadian rhythm aligned. I sit in the sunshine mid-morning while I drink my warm drink. I like to get sun on my belly or my legs; think of them as your body’s solar panels.
Some days I’ll take my water out to the back porch and sit in the afternoon sun as well. And checking on my gardens as the sun sets is my favorite, too. Just any and all sunshine. I crave it. So many benefits including boosting the immune system, sleep regulation, increasing serotonin (the feel-good hormone) and much more. Bonus: I like to go barefoot in the grass while I soak up the sun and get some grounding in as well.
5.) A morning walk habit.
I started this last June after my sister came to visit. She has a morning walk habit and it rubbed off on me. It’s become one of my favorite times of day. I get up, do my morning routine, greet the kiddos and put the youngest in the stroller with his bottle and we’re off. Pretty much unless it’s pouring or I am sick (I also take breaks on the weekend), I walk every morning for 20-30 minutes.
A morning walk habit helps me to:
get the sun on my face first thing in the morning to set my circadian rhythm
hear the birds singing and watch the seasons slowly change
boosts my energy and get me some quiet time to reflect, pray, plan my day
sleep better at night
It’s just all around an amazing habit that has a huge long-term wellness impact.
6.) A basic skincare routine.
This has taken me years to settle into. Learning what my skin needs and how to care for it well. I find my routine shifts with the seasons. In summer, I can exfoliate more and use more actives. In the winter, my skin craves a little more TLC with lots of hydration and gentle cleansing.
Self-care has never been more important. The harder the times, the tighter the squeeze, the higher the pressure – the more we need #soulmindbodyselfcare.
Now is not the time to skimp on caring for ourselves. But I know, mama, you might be asking: how??? How do I layer on the self-care when I have my kids with me all day.
Luckily, I’ve spent the last several years dialing down on this. I’ve got three babies (+ a fourth on the way!) at home with me every day, and I have learned how to care for myself in consistent, tangible, life-changing ways. It can be done.
So, let’s dive into 6 ways you can care for yourself with littles at home…
1.) Think in 5-10 minute increments sprinkled throughout the day.
Maybe you’re used to working with larger chunks of time. I know I’ve been used to getting out every Saturday for several hours alone and that’s not really happening right now. It’s been an adjustment, but I’ve just added in several more pockets of self-care into my days.
So, instead of thinking you need two consecutive hours alone, take that two hours and break it down into 5-10 minute increments you sprinkle throughout your day.
Here are some of mine:
My morning skincare routine (5 minutes) Making and drinking a warm drink (10 minutes) Sitting in the sunshine while the kids play (10 minutes) Yoga or a HIIT workout (10 minutes, 2 x’s a day) Brain dump (5 minutes) Read a chapter (5 minutes)
Bonus: by approaching self-care in this way, you’ll effectively log way more time caring for yourself on a day-to-day basis than you would trying to fit in big chunks of time every once in a while. A little goes a long way.
2.) Ask your husband for help.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but I think it’s probably the most underutilized. I know it was for me for years. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I thought asking for help meant I was failing. I also thought that if I had to ask for help, spell it out, maybe my husband didn’t really care for me.
After 8 years of marriage and almost as many of motherhood, I’ve learned that asking for help is necessary to my well-being and the well-being of my family. I’ve learned that just because I ask for help doesn’t mean I’m failing. In fact, it shows I’m growing and learning and that I’m strong enough to admit I can’t do everything on my own. I’ve learned that (news flash) men and women are wired differently. Just because your husband doesn’t jump in and do things before you ask doesn’t mean he doesn’t care; it means he’s human and he can’t read your mind.
Remember: ask your husband for help and ask often. It’s okay to spell out what you need! I think most men appreciate not being left to guess at details. Be calm, be clear and tell him how thankful you are for his help. Over time, he’ll adjust to the rhythms, too, and I think you’ll find him jumping in without being asked. At this point in marriage and parenthood, my husband and I are more of a team than ever. We tag team through the days: I’ll cook and he does the dishes. I wrangle kiddos in the morning, he’ll take over bath time.
Bonus: don’t just stop with your husband. Ask your mom for help, your mother-in-law, your sister, a close friend. And delegate to grocery delivery or pick up services, take out on the rough days, anything that can automate extra tasks. Get creative. Determine what you need and find the help to make it happen. No martyr mentality allowed!
Creating your daily, weekly + self-care rhythms will help everything flow smoother. Rhythms create structure without suffocating, provide framework while retaining lots of flexibility.
Here’s a peek at our daily rhythms:
Morning rituals – slow breakfast, going out front to sit in the sun, run and play and water our plants, and free play inside ( I usually tell them to find something creative to do)
Do at least 1 load of laundry to completion, clean 1 space – the kids help me fold and put away laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum, tidy their room and the house when needed. I usually concentrate on decluttering or cleaning one space each day.
Morning basket and concentrated learning time for an hour or so.
Outside or free play for a couple of hours.
Lunch time around noon.
Quiet time/nap time – usually from 1:30-3:30. This is when I fit in more concentrated self-care.
One of the big things reflected in our daily rhythms is a back and forth type pattern. I saw someone use the term “inchworm” the other day. It’s this idea of doing something together (morning basket), then letting the kiddos do something on their own (free play) and back + forth like that. Of course I’m always there to provide supervision and direction when needed, but I’m not dictating every moment of every day.
Nor should we, mama! We are not responsible for the 24/7 entertainment of our children. I think this might be where a lot of disconnect happens between motherhood and self-care. Our kids don’t need us hovering, providing constant diversion, filling up every spare moment with activity. No! Mama, we need that extra energy, those spare moments to use in caring for ourselves.
Let the kiddos go, let them free play while you make and sip a warm drink, while you sit and journal or do a brain dump, while you do a work out video, while you read a chapter from a book, while you catch up on some nagging housework (#thisisselfcare).
Bonus: Once you work your way through this blog post, take #3 (establishing daily rhythms) and #6 (creating a daily self-care plan) and marry them together.
For example, I take the following list of self-care items and fit them in around our daily rhythms:
Morning skincare routine
Make and sip a warm drink
Move for 10-15 minutes
Read, nap, write, watch a show, lay out in the sun at quiet time
Soak in a detox bath
4.) Institute a daily quiet time.
I could not thrive in motherhood without this consistent break in the middle of the day. We usually have ours from 1:30-3:30pm and that gives me a larger chunk of time to practice self-care. I’ll do a yoga flow, take a shower, take a nap, lay out in the sunshine, read, watch a show, take care of nagging tasks, paint my nails, declutter something, etc.
My youngest naps, but my oldest two either play quietly or read books. I usually separate them and put my oldest at the dining room table playing legos and my middle one in her bed with quiet toys and books.
We have practiced this rhythm for a long time and it hasn’t always been easy. In fact, we still have our rough days. But it’s one of the few lines I’ve drawn in the sand because I firmly believe that we all need that break. They need down time for their little bodies and brains, I need down time for my sanity + #soulmindbodyselfcare, and we all need space from each other or we start to go a little crazy. So, don’t give up if it doesn’t work out seamlessly the first day or even the 30th day. Truly. It’s worth it.
Bonus: here are a few tips for a successful quiet time…
1.) Ease into it, starting with 30 minutes and working your way up to the full two hours over the course of a week or so.
2.) Remove yourself, mama. Send yourself back to your room, close the door and rest. Take a bath. Crawl into bed. Read a book. Do some yoga. But don’t stay out in the common area where you can hear every little sound or where they can easily access you. I tell my kids they can’t come into my room unless someone is bleeding or dying. Ha.
3) Stand your ground. Be firm. Explain the reason for quiet time and enforce consequences. Don’t give up. Eventually they will get it, even if it doesn’t look perfect.
5.) Practice self-care WITH them.
Whether you’ve grown into having kids at home or it’s been thrust on you overnight, learning to care for yourself while at the same time caring for the little people in your life is going to take time. It’s going to take re-adjusting. It’s going to take flexibility. And it’s going to take lots of grace.
Here’s an example: if you’ve been used to going to the gym and you miss your hour long, uninterrupted workouts, it’s going to take a little while to adjust to working out at home with littles. Maybe you already have? But if you can’t find that hour chunk of time in your day and you’re really missing it, try moving WITH your kids. Do a workout video on the back porch while they play, go for a walk or jog with the kids and intersperse sets of pushups, sit ups or sprints, turn on a yoga video in the living room and invite them to do it with you.
Other ideas for practicing self-care with kids:
Involve your kiddos in making a delicious lunch or an after-dinner treat.
Lay out and soak up some vitamin D while the kiddos play in the backyard. Bring your book and iced tea!
Lay on the couch and watch a family friendly show. Pop popcorn, bring all the blankets.
Bonus: If you crave alone time while you work out (or while you do any particular item of self-care), save it for quiet time. When the kids are settled, turn on that workout video, do a long yoga flow, or get out on a solo walk/jog while your husband holds down the fort. It’s necessary and good to be alone.
6.) Make your self-care plan the night before.
It helps so much to have a plan and it helps so much to have that plan written down before a new day starts.
First, after you’re cozy in bed for the night, pull out a notebook and pen. Second, take a minute and determine your top 3 self-care items for the next day. What do you need the most? Write those down. It doesn’t have to be just three, but I’ve found three to be a manageable start. Finally, determine where those self-care items are going to fit into your day. Schedule them in.
Are you craving extra time to get dressed and do your hair and makeup? Then make sure to plan accordingly and get up a little bit earlier. Do you love to cook and want to spend time solo in the kitchen with a cocktail and some music playing? Make it happen at lunch time if that works better than cramping the bedtime routine. If your husband is at home, see if he can wrangle the kids or simply send them out to play.
Bonus: if you’d like more help creating a self-care routine, check out this post.
Here are some of my favorite tips for keeping the kiddos happy when you need some peace:
Tip #1: Room time or outside time.
Institute “room time” when you need to concentrate on someone/something else. For toddlers, make it fun, put up the baby gate, make sure the room is kid proof (as much as humanly possible 😆) and set a timer. That way the toddler is contained + safe and you have a little peace of mind + focus. If your children are older, tell them they can play with the door closed, set the timer if it helps.
Have set time(s) every day you send the kids outside to play. This way the kids know to expect it and you can count on that time to practice self-care and get some things done. I like to leave a window open so I can hear what’s going on outside while going about my business.
Don’t fear the screens, mama. They can be super useful and amazing tools. Designate a favorite show or kid friendly app for times you need to nurse/care for the baby, make a phone call, practice self-care or do anything that requires undivided attention.
Favorite Shows: Word World, the original Magic School Bus, SuperBook, Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers, Duck Tales
Favorite Apps: Joy Doodle, Little Writer and the YouVersion Bible app for Kids. We’re also trying out ABC Mouse and the kids really love it so far.
Tip #3: Limit the toys.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but it really works. Kids tend to play better with fewer choices. Divide the toys in half (or so) and put one half in the garage or up in the closet in storage. Also, now might be a good time to declutter/purge any toys that are broken, missing parts or aren’t being used regularly.
You can rotate the divided toys whenever you want. We usually rotate every month or so. And sometimes I put a lot more than half up. My rule when deciding how much to keep down is: do I want to bend over and pick that up or supervise the clean up? If I don’t, then it goes up or goes away. Any time I feel overwhelmed by messes, I know the toys need to be reduced.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Also, check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
This year we drove cross-country to be with my family for Christmas. Thirty hours one way with the three kiddos, but it went so much better than we thought it would. The kiddos did great, the roads were clear and we made it.
Fast forward to the day after Christmas. My daughter came down with the flu. After that, we all fell like dominoes. Thankfully staggered, but still. Phew. I’ve been super sick in the past, but I’ve never had the flu like that. It truly laid me out. Migraines, chills, fever, fatigue, loss of appetite, stomach trouble, skin rashes, body aches… the whole shebang.
When life knocks you down the ladder to simple survival, it has a way of testing your routines, your self-care rituals, your tried-and-trues. What’s left is what is truly important, what really works.
You don’t have to be fighting the flu to implement the tips I’m going to share. Perhaps you’re feeling a cold coming on or you just feel extra run down. Pin this post and save it for later. Save the link to a note on your phone. Email it to yourself. Share it with a friend who is sick. Whatever works.
Let’s dive in…
Rest.
WHY I know resting can be the hardest part of recovery. It is for me. But resting is not laziness. So much healing happens in your body when you allow it to rest. So, give yourself permission to “fall behind.” Strip everything down to the bare bones. Put all the non-essentials on hold and let yourself rest. This is self-care.
HOW What are some specific ways you can rest when your sick? The answer to that question can vary person to person. But here are a few suggestions to get you started:
nap whenever you can
lay on the couch for large portions of the day
go to bed early + don’t set an alarm
stay off your phone and let your mind rest
Outsource.
WHY Because you can’t do it all. Especially when you’re sick. Remember, mama: you’re human. It’s okay to have needs, to ask for help, and to accept help from others.
HOW Once you’ve stripped everything down to the bare basics, see if you can outsource even some of those things. Here are a few examples:
Order your groceries online and have them delivered.
Order all other necessities from places like Amazon or Walmart and have them delivered.
If you don’t have delivery available in your area, ask your spouse to pick them up or ask a friend to drop them off.
If you’ve ever used a meal delivery service, now would be the perfect time.
Accept any and all help that is offered.
Hydrate.
WHY Staying hydrated is super important in general, but especially when you’re sick. If you have a fever and you’re sweating a lot or you soak in a bath or perhaps you’re throwing up, then you’ll want to make sure you’re staying hydrated so your body can fight off illness.
HOWThis is also easier said than done. I know I didn’t have much of an appetite when I had the flu and everything tasted bland. Water was hard to drink like I normally do. So, I added a splash of 100% pomegranate juice to my water, I drank bone broth with a sprinkle of salt and lots of herbal teas. Aim to drink half your body weight in ounces of water, more if you’re running a fever.
Check out this video for more tips on staying hydrated.
Move.
WHY Depending on how sick you are (there were several days with the flu when I could barely get up off the couch), this might be something you save for later in recovery. But slow, gentle movement can help your body release stiffness, boost your mood, and encourage lymphatic drainage.
HOW Here are a few different ways I moved while I was sick:
Going for a short walk around the backyard. Bonus points for getting fresh air and sunshine.
Soak.
WHY Speaking of stiffness and lymphatic drainage, a detox bath will aid those as well. It will also help ease body aches, increase circulation, and promote relaxation. Epsom salts contain magnesium which is quickly depleted when our bodies are under stress (ie sick). Our bodies need magnesium for so many reasons, including helping our muscles relax and promoting restful sleep.
HOW Whether I’m sick or not, I love to soak in a detox bath a couple times a week. Check out this post for my favorite detox bath recipe and tips.
Eat.
WHY It’s so important to be supporting our bodies while they fight off illness. We don’t want to burden them any more than they already are. If you have an appetite, food is one of the best ways you can get nutrients needed to heal.
HOWIf you have an appetite, focus on eating warming, whole foods that support your body with nutrients needed for the healing process. Think: room temperature, veggie-heavy smoothies, bone broth, soups, roasted veggies, and lots of good fats. Listen to your body. If you don’t have an appetite, try simply sipping on a mug of warm broth. Note: processed foods, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, conventional diary and gluten are all hard on our bodies, even on our best days. Try to steer clear of those while you’re body is recovering.
WHY Sunshine and fresh air are both helpful when we’re trying to heal. Sunshine can boost Vitamin D levels (which boosts our immune systems) and fresh air can clear out our lungs and deliver much needed oxygen to our cells.
HOW If you can’t make it outside or it’s too cold, try to find a sun spot or west facing window to sit in. Otherwise, take a mug of something warm (if it’s chilly) or top off your glass of water (if it’s warm) and sit outside in the sun. Lay out if you can, exposing as much skin to the sunshine as you can. And don’t wear sunglasses! One of the big ways our bodies synthesize Vitamin D is through our eyes. If you have the energy, go for a slow walk around your yard.
Supplement.
WHY While the tips we’ve previously discussed will always take precedence over supplementing, a high quality supplement has it’s place.
HOWHere are some of my favorites to use when I’m sick:
WHY Sometimes just having something fun to look forward to is enough to boost our spirits and tune our minds to recovery.
HOW I scheduled a hair appointment for when I started to feel better. It was so relaxing and rejuvenating. Here are a few more ideas:
Meet a girlfriend for lunch and a pedicure.
Go to a tanning salon. Seriously.
Get a massage.
Plan a day trip to somewhere new (or maybe an old favorite).
Plan that summer vacation or your winter getaway.
Listen.
WHY When we are in the habit of listening to our bodies, we can sense intuitively what they need most in order to heal. Being mindful can speed our recovery and give us powerful insight.
HOW Do a body scan and take note of how you feel. Now answer these questions: where do I need the most support? What can wait? What is working? What isn’t? Now you have some powerful information to use as you move forward in the healing process and beyond.
Have any questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer! You’ve got this, mama. Never fear! One breath, one step, one day at a time.
For more self-care goodness, come join me on Instagram. And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, that’s a great place to find more of the same. Check out the side bar (or scroll all the way down if you’re on mobile) to view all the freebies I’ve created just with you in mind. I hope you find something helpful.
